the big question...

my name is kayla, i was adopted at 2 days old from a 17 year old, when she decided to give me up i couldnt have asked for a better single parent, now at 17 i am preg. with my first baby... its an amazing feeling to have a little person growing inside of you...

i remeber last week i was walking down the street and i heard to people talking in spanish saying wow she must be a slut because shes way way to young to be having a baby (they said somthing along those words its not so easy turning spanish to english) i turned around and said i know im young, NO im not a slut and yes im young.... without even finishing i just walked away, but not everything people think is bad.

my mother has supported me 100% maybe not from the day i told her she was mad yes and i understand that i know that when my little girl grows up and may end up having a baby the way i did yes i would be angry... but like my mother said now there is nothing we can do about it if you want to keep your baby DO IT! mothers will always be right there beside you supporting you emotionaly maybe not finacially but always a mother is there for you to talk to for help in any matter there is.

people keep telling me to put this baby up for adoption everyone ecpt. 3 people. the father, my mother and my grandmother. my grandmothers words are this... "you made the bed now lie in it.." i havnt spoken to her in a while now i did make a mistake and i am taking full responcibility for it... everyone else wants me to give my baby up... why so my baby can live the rest of its life think "WHY"... "why didnt she love me?" "why couldnt she keep me?" "why would she just GIVE me away?" "why dosent she want to meet me?" "whats she look like?"
theres so many questions that still today run through my head... i dont want my child to ask those quesions i DONT want my child to wake up every day and come home to someone i dont even know and say wheres my REAL mother?

As a adopted child i know all the problems we have growing up first theres the bullys at school that push you around and say stuff like this... "ha-ha, your mommy never loved you!! thats why she just gave you away to somone!" or "ha-ha, i bet her mommy just tossed her in a garbage can, and her new mommy was picking through the garbage and found you!!" those things today i know are not true but when you dont know what actually happend and you are so young that just makes you cry for days i remeber one day at school on a friday afer a teacher was talking about adpotion and how bad it is for people to do that to a child (her not knowing i was adopted) she was saying alot of things that i dont think she really knew anything about (i dont rember what it was exactially what she said but it was HORRABLE) i ran out of that class room CRYING and didnt stop running untill i got home  i ran past my (as my teacher put it) "FAKE" mother and didnt come out of my room all weekend ...

there is so many more horrable things i can remeber from my childhood... the things people said, they all hurt
i know adoption is not about what the people say it is... but i dont want my child to go through that. still there were so many good memorys because i always knew in my heart that my mother CHOSE me and my birth mother gave me to the best possable woman  in the city....

last night my baby kicked for the first time it was the most amazing feeling ever haha the people who think that putting me down for having a baby so young need to think maybe this is my time maybe this is what was supose to happen to me, maybe god is trying to tell me that through all the pain i went through thinking that my mother didnt love me and asking myself daily why would she do that... god might be telling me that you are strong enough to do what your birth mother couldnt... and i know that no matter how hard this is going to be at an age so young i will be able to give this baby the best life possable.