Let's Talk about Sex, Baby!

I like sex. I’m a girl.

I’d like to get that fact squared away first, because it seems like that’s the biggest taboo of all. Even now, I’m embarrassed to type those words. Why? Maybe because girls who like sex tend to come off as sluts or whores. When Lindsay Lohan said that during her stint in rehab she most missed sex and McDonalds, I cringed; I don’t enjoy finding comparisons between myself and Lindsay Lohan. Not that we’re both alcoholics, but that we both enjoy sex.

I’ll be perfectly honest: I don’t want people to lose respect for me by knowing I’m not a virgin anymore. I can name a couple people of the top of my head who would be very upset if they knew I lost my virginity (my grandmother, my boyfriend’s parents- well, actually, they’d be much more upset to know about what he lost, but I think I’ll let him write that story himself…)

Yet I’m starting to overcome my feelings of shame by talking openly about sex, with girls and guys. I’m sure there are girls out there going, “I can talk about sex with my girls, but with other guys? Uh, I don’t think so.” I find that ridiculous. Sure, guys and girls have certain- ahem- noticeable differences, but I’ve come to learn that when it comes to sex, both genders tend to feel the same on the subject.

Losing your virginity is a sacred thing. It’s a pivotal moment in your life, whether you save it for marriage or not. There are a lot of feelings that come with this change, depending on the person. Relief. Happiness. Excitement. Sadness. Regret. Panic. Shame. These emotions are the same, no matter the gender. Pretending they don’t exist, and bottling them up, doesn’t promote positive sexual attitudes. And the more I discuss my feelings with other girls and guys, the more comfortable I feel with my own guy.

I’m one of the more fortunate girls out there, because my parents and I can talk openly about sex. I told my mom when I lost my virginity, and there was no judgment. She didn’t throw me a party either, but she was supportive of the choice I made. In the end, I think our relationship is stronger, knowing that I can confide in her on a topic that is so deeply personal.

I can tell that some people are turned off by my relative ease when it comes to talking about sex. Granted, I don’t feel the need to share the play-by-play of what went on last night (and my friends are all very thankful for that); but it’s not something to be ashamed of either. The choices that I’ve made don’t demean another person’s choice to wait until marriage. Nevertheless, talking about sex is healthy. If you can express your feelings to your friends, you’ll be well-prepared to discuss these feelings with your spouse.

I’m sure there are people reading this ready to condemn me, torch and pitchfork in hand- but this is not the 1600s. I’ve made what I believe are responsible choices. I use protection, I’m in love with my partner, and while we have our fun, we take sex very seriously. In a country where the media makes so much of teen pregnancies, STD outbreaks and declining morals in America’s youth, maybe that’s the biggest taboo of all.