In the middle

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year.

We hold hands

We hug

We kiss

We turn the lights off and lie on his bed

We go under his covers and hold each other

We haven’t had sex.

Does that make me a prude?

Sometimes when I’m alone I touch myself

And I won’t deny that it feels good

I’ve had dreams about having lots of sex with people that aren’t my boyfriend

And I wake up guilty

Does that make me a slut?

I haven’t touched his penis

He hasn’t touched my vagina

Does that make me a tease?

I want to touch him

And I want him to touch me

Does that make me sex-hungry?

I’m stuck in this spot

Because I’m scared of what might come next

Will it hurt?

Will it change me?

Will it change us?

I’m stuck in the middle

All by myself

And I’m taboo.