“I'm glad that the story ‘Guys Want More Than Sex' shows that a lot of guys don't care about sex or boobs or butts, but instead a girl's personality or sense of humor.”
—Ethan, 14, LA
I was just raped. I'm scared and don't know what to do. Can you help me?
First and foremost, what happened was not your fault. It was not your fault even if you were dressed really sexy. It was not your fault even if the person who raped you is someone you’ve been seeing for a while or a relative or family friend. It was not your fault even if you started to be sexual with this person and changed your mind in the middle of it.
Anytime a person says “no” to sex and another person does not respect that and keeps going, it is rape. Rape is wrong, and it’s against the law.
Here’s what you need to do immediately:
1. If you have not yet done so, please do not shower. This may be hard, because you may be feeling really gross. But showering away the grossness also showers away some evidence, which the police will need if you decide to press charges. You have up to five years to press charges if you choose, but the evidence needs to be collected now.
2. Tell your parent(s) or caregiver(s) or another adult in your life who you know well and trust. They can help you negotiate the next steps in what you have to do.
3. Call the police. Just pick up the phone and dial 911. Let the police know what happened, and they will come by and take a statement. They will also help get you to a medical professional immediately to:
A great place to start is with the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN). In addition to having really helpful resources on their Web site, they operate a 24-hour National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
Another great Web site is Promote Truth, which gives teens information about sexual violence.
And remembering that boys and men can be raped and abused sexually, too, there is the National Organization against Male Sexual Victimization.
Most rape survivors will tell you that they were able to heal more effectively from rape or abuse by working both with an individual counselor and a support group. Your parent(s) or caregiver(s) can connect you with these types of resources. Or you can find out more about counseling through RAINN’s Web site.
An important step to healing from rape or sexual abuse is by going back to the beginning, like when you learned your ABCs. You need to remember that:
You are not Alone
You are not to Blame
You are not Crazy
If you need other kinds of hotlines, you can find them here.
Anytime a person says “no” to sex and another person does not respect that and keeps going, it is rape. Rape is wrong, and it’s against the law.
Here’s what you need to do immediately:
1. If you have not yet done so, please do not shower. This may be hard, because you may be feeling really gross. But showering away the grossness also showers away some evidence, which the police will need if you decide to press charges. You have up to five years to press charges if you choose, but the evidence needs to be collected now.
2. Tell your parent(s) or caregiver(s) or another adult in your life who you know well and trust. They can help you negotiate the next steps in what you have to do.
3. Call the police. Just pick up the phone and dial 911. Let the police know what happened, and they will come by and take a statement. They will also help get you to a medical professional immediately to:
- collect evidence, so you can prove who raped you.
- get a checkup, to make sure that the rapist did not harm your insides in any way.
- provide you with any medical care, including tests for sexually transmitted diseases, emergency contraception (if you are a woman who was raped by a man who did not wear a condom) and more.
A great place to start is with the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN). In addition to having really helpful resources on their Web site, they operate a 24-hour National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
Another great Web site is Promote Truth, which gives teens information about sexual violence.
And remembering that boys and men can be raped and abused sexually, too, there is the National Organization against Male Sexual Victimization.
Most rape survivors will tell you that they were able to heal more effectively from rape or abuse by working both with an individual counselor and a support group. Your parent(s) or caregiver(s) can connect you with these types of resources. Or you can find out more about counseling through RAINN’s Web site.
An important step to healing from rape or sexual abuse is by going back to the beginning, like when you learned your ABCs. You need to remember that:
You are not Alone
You are not to Blame
You are not Crazy
If you need other kinds of hotlines, you can find them here.
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Your Comments
My girlfriend..
Posted by: Darkpunish on Aug 17th, 2008 12:38am
She was raped..she only told me and a her cousin. I tried
convincing her to tell her parents or someone she trusts
about this. SHe said she doesnt want anyone knowing about
this.I dont know what to do..she told me not to tlak to her
about it again. Is there somehting i can do for her? its
been 2 months since it happened. shes 15 going on 16
RE: I thought it was love
Posted by: DanR on Jul 25th, 2008 12:53pm
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. I'm glad you
are finally talking about it. As a young child it is hard
to know what kid of touches are good and what kind are not,
but you did not do anything wrong! I hope that you will
think about contacting the Rape, Hope & Incest National
Network (RAINN) and talk to someone about what you are
feeling. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE. You have to do
what is right for you, and maybe they can help you sort that
out. Hang in there!
I thought it was love
Posted by: saberhoops50 on Jul 24th, 2008 11:43pm
this is my first time speaking out about it but when I was
seven my best friends brother sexual abused me. It wasnt
just a one time thing he probably touched me in private
places a couple times a week for months. And I let him. He
was 6 years older than me and I thought thats what people in
love do. After it stoped I told myself I didn't happen so
many times I believed it. I grew older and realized what he
did was wrong...but I couldnt ruin there family with
charges. u have 2 forgive and forget.
RE: WHY ME
Posted by: DanR on Jul 9th, 2008 10:49am
I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you, and it is
perfectly normal to feel how you are feeling. This is not
your fault in any way, regardless of what anyone tells you.
If you have not already told a trusted adult what happened,
I hope that you will consider doing that as soon as
possible. You can also call the Rape, Abuse & Incest
National Network to talk to a professional at 1-800-656-HOPE
(4673). Please do not go through this alone. There are
others out there who want to help!
WHY ME
Posted by: shaniece on Jul 8th, 2008 2:35am
SOMETIME IT HURTS TO BE ME. EVER SINCE I WAS RAPPED II WAS
SO SCARED TO GO ANY WHERE LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE PAIIN
IVE BEEN THREW. HE TOLD EVERYONE IN MY SKOOL BUT HE LEFT OUT
THE PART THAT HE RAPPED MI3II IT HURT SO MUCH... BECAUSE II
SEE THIS BOY EVERII3DAII3 DOESNT IT COUNT THAT II WAS 12 ND
HE WAS LIKE 15 DOESNT IT. THEY BLAME ME 4 IT. BUT WHAT DID
II DO TO DESERVE THIIS. II CANT EVEN TRUST BOYS ANYMORE IM
SO SCARED THAT THEY WILL TRY TO DO THE SAME THING. I CANT
LIVE MY LIFE ANYMOA.
RE: i was so young
Posted by: DanR on Jun 30th, 2008 12:17pm
Yes, it is rape. No one has the right to make you do
anything with your body that you do not want to. It is not
in any way your fault though. I hope that you will talk to
someone about what happened. Even if it happened a while
ago, it is OK to still have feelings about it and to want to
talk to someone. Check out this web site for some
information and a hotline you can call if you do decide to
talk to someone: http://www.rainn.org/. Hang in there!
i was so young
Posted by: shaniece on Jun 24th, 2008 9:49pm
well i was 12 when i was rapped ... well rape dont even know
if i can call it rape i know was my friend so called friend
saying idc if you cryin im not leaving till you give me
head. i said no. i was so young and it still hurts because
when i see him he smiles he said that it wasnt rape but i
said no. i was such a baby i didnt even get my first kiss
yet. ometimes i thought it was my fault. i was so young. but
i hope he pays. but is it rape?
I Feel Your Pain
Posted by: softballchick22 on Jan 10th, 2008 5:29pm
I was raped when I was 11 and I beat it. And you can to.
First of all tell someone you trust and then get help to get
over the fear of it happening again. Once you do that then
physically you are on your way to recovery but mentally just
work at not remembering and never forget that you have
friends and family there to help you just like I did!! You
can do it....you are not alone!!!!
RE: Rape....my girlfriend and her sister
Posted by: DanR on Jan 3rd, 2008 11:48am
I am so sorry to hear that your friends are going through
this. You are being a great friend by being there for them!
It is important that they know they have not done anything
wrong, and hopefully they will tell an adult that they trust
(a teacher or counselor at school) what is happening.
Recommend that your friends look through some of the
information we have on our site, including this FAQ:
http://www.sexetc.org/faq/abuse/2733. Also, they can check
out this site: http://www.rainn.org/.
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RE: My girlfriend..
Posted by: DanR on Aug 18th, 2008 12:06pm
You are a good boyfriend for wanting to be there for her.
The most important things you can do for her are to listen,
be there, and don't be judgemental. It is going to take her
some time to deal with what has happened to her, so be
patient. During this time, be sure to take care of
yourself. It is not easy to see someone you love hurt so
much. If you need to talk to someone about what you are
feeling, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at
1-800-656-HOPE. Hang in there!