Sex, Etc. -- I was at a party last week, and this girl was...

I was at a party last week, and this girl was all over me. She was kind of drunk, but she really seemed to want to have sex, so we did. The next week, her best friend's going around telling everyone that I raped her. What happened?

One of the biggest problems with alcohol is that it affects our ability to make decisions. Because of this, the law says that a person under the influence of alcohol is incapable of making a rational decision, which includes consenting to have sex.

That means that if you have sex with a person who is drunk or high, the law will call it rape. So if someone has been drinking and approaches you at a party or anywhere else for sex, the smartest thing is to say "no." Doesn't matter how hot they are or how interested in you they are. You can always get that person's phone number and call them after the party!

The added problem is if you've been drinking, too. If you've been drinking, then YOUR judgment's going to be off, too. (Ever hear of beer goggles?) This is why it's always good to go with at least one person to a party who won't be drinking. You may have heard about this person being a designated driver-- someone who doesn't drink at all and is responsible for making sure everyone gets home safely.

But the designated driver person can also be a "buddy." That means, she or he watches for you and makes sure you don't disappear at all during the party. If you've been drinking and go off to have some privacy with someone, your "buddy" will come get you so you don't end up in a messy situation you regret later.

Your Comments

RE: Huh?

Posted by: DanR on Aug 4th, 2008 11:42am

Wow, this is definitely a tough situation. It sounds like
your Mom is trying to do her best to protect you from going
through the pain that she went through. This is her way of
showing that she cares, so try to remember that. It sounds
like this is very overwhelming to you. Have you tried to
talk to your Mom about how you feel? Maybe you can suggest
that you both see a professional to talk about your feelings
and that will be a way to resolve this issue and help her
with her feelings?

Huh?

Posted by: hbanana120 on Aug 2nd, 2008 2:57am

When mi mom was little ur Uncle liked RAPED her and ur rents
did not know bout it i mean he would go campping and sleep
in the same bed with mi mom cuz they were the same age well
now i just turned 13 and i know not to have sex i mean i
want to but i won't and mi mom won't leave me alone she
always tells me that if someone has sex with me even if i
want it,it is considered rape only b/c i am underaged she
will not leave me alone and i tell her that i will not have
sex but she doesn't listen.HELP

BS!!!!

Posted by: babyscott0990 on Apr 13th, 2008 4:07pm

i think that it is pretty ridicouls when girls say and do
that kind of stuff it shows how much ppl dont really care
about about other ppls feallings! you know just bc a guy
tells his friends or brags doesnt mean that girls have that
right to say that they got raped!!!

Trouble

Posted by: MrScott on Jan 14th, 2008 11:51pm

You need to talk to the girl you had sex with and get this
straightened out. If she feels you raped her you are in big
trouble, as she CAN file criminal charges against you. If
she doesn't feel that way, her friend needs a good talking
to because she is talking about both of you. In either case
you need to be mature and act responsibly

Tox

Posted by: gray.scale27 on Dec 15th, 2007 12:31pm

I don't think that someone should have sex with another who
is drunk, but it isn't right to cry rape. it was that
persons decision to drink. But the best thing to do is just
to not do it with a girl (or guy, but that is a bit
different) who is intoxicated.

RE: HELP!!!

Posted by: DanR on Dec 13th, 2007 3:04pm

Both of your comments are very serious, and I am sorry to
hear that he's doing this to you. You should NEVER be alone
with this guy, even though he's your friend and you should
feel comfortable calling the police if he tries to touch you
again. This is not your fault, and you should talk to a
parent or school counselor, or even get information from
this site: www.rainn.org. If you feel you are in immediate
danger, you can also call 911. Please take care.

HELP!!!

Posted by: hotT1234 on Dec 13th, 2007 12:03am

i said no to this guy and he wont listen...he keeps touching
me and he wont leave me alone. everytime i see him he trys
to go further. i dont want to and he has already taken me
further than i wanted to go...hes my friend but hes strong
and i cant stop him...im scared sometime he's going to take
it a little too far...and i mean TOO FAR...he keeps asking
me to sleep with him and i keep saying no...hes not gunna
give up...please reaspond!!!

Can't really agree...

Posted by: ScarletPheonix on Aug 18th, 2007 11:09pm

I'd think that anyone who gets that drunk then WILLINGLY has
sex shouldn't exactly get to cry rape the next morning...
I'm not saying it's "cool" or a "good" thing to take
advantage of someone's impared state like that, but I can't
pity the idiot who gets smashed and does something that they
regret later.

There's a difference...: Response

Posted by: StacieS on Aug 8th, 2007 3:40pm

You're right, there certainly is a difference between
"buzzed" and "drunk." I think what is so important to
consider is that the LAW doesn't always recognize that
difference. So someone could be prosecuted in some regions
when their partner was buzzed when they had sex.

There's a difference...

Posted by: Binx on Aug 7th, 2007 6:38pm

...between being 'kind of drunk' and 'drunk'. Just because
someone is buzzed does not mean that their judgment is
impaired. Once someone starts slurring their words and are
unable to stand up then its another story. That's not
cool. Lots of people go for quiet drinks for the first
couple of dates because they are able to talk without
feeling awkward over dinner.

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