An important part of being sexually healthy is knowing what your values and limits are when it comes to all kinds of sexual behavior. Values are the important things that matter to you and limits refer to how far you want a relationship or sexual situation to go. Once you know your values and limits, share them with your partner as part of a healthy relationship. People say no to a lot of things in relationships, not just sexual. For example, you may not want to go to parties where there’s alcohol, or you may only want to hang out socially on the weekends. These are boundaries too, just as sexual boundaries are boundaries.

When talking about sexual boundaries with your partner, be honest and straightforward before things get sexual. Find a time to talk privately, preferably out of a sexual situation. Know what you want to say before you sit down to talk. You could start by telling your partner how you feel about your relationship. Discuss the things you like about your partner and the time you spend together. This will help your partner know that your decision to say no to certain sexual behaviors isn’t a rejection; it’s an important personal choice that you’ve chosen to communicate.

Then explain why you don’t want to do certain sexual things. Share your feelings so your partner understands why those sexual behaviors aren’t right for you right now. Know your sexual boundaries and communicate them clearly. Is kissing OK, but touching isn’t? Should clothes stay on? If so, which ones? What can your partner expect if you change your mind? It might help to let your partner know that it is OK for them to say “no” to you as well.

If you two are together because you’re totally into each other, then letting your partner know how you feel should only bring you closer (if it doesn’t, then you have to wonder how healthy the relationship was to begin with). Whatever you do, never give up what you think is right or compromise your boundaries for the sake of a relationship.

For more information, check out the stories written by teens on this topic like “Older Guys: Dreamy or Dangerous?”