Sex, Etc. -- My friend showed me these scars on her arms...

My friend showed me these scars on her arms and legs and says she cuts herself. Why does she do this, and how can I stop her?

Chances are, your friend is in a lot of emotional pain and is hurting herself physically to get some kind of temporary relief from that pain. Self-mutilators inflict physical pain as a desperate way to release the emotional pain they're feeling.

Self-injurers usually say they feel empty inside, lonely, misunderstood by others, and they try to make these feelings go away by hurting themselves physically.

People who self-injure might also struggle with anxiety and depression, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, and fears of being abandoned. And nearly half report being physically and/or sexually abused during childhood.

You can help your friend get help. The best solution is for her to talk to her parents or another trusted adult, such as the counselor at school.

If your friend refuses to get help, you should tell an adult you can trust. We know this sounds like going against your friend, but self-injury is serious. She can end up cutting herself so deeply that she inflicts serious or even fatal wounds. That means she can die from cutting herself. Too often, people cut a little too deeply and end up in the emergency room.

Let your friend know that you'll be there for her. But be sure that you don't keep this a secret. Even if your friend gets mad because you told someone, in the end, she will understand that you helped her through a tough time.

If you're in a crisis and are hurting yourself physically, call 911 or 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). To get more info on self-injury sent to you, call 1-800-DONT-CUT (366-8288) or check out the S.A.F.E. Alternatives Web site.

Your Comments

RE: I have a plan

Posted by: DanR on Apr 22nd, 2008 2:17pm

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad, and YES, you are
right, being a teen is VERY tough. Teasing other people is
never the right thing to do, and I am sorry that it is
happening to you. You do not deserve this, but I want you
to know cutting is not the answer. Do you have any other
trusted adults (family members, teachers, counselors) that
you might be able to talk to about this? If not, call the
National Teen Emergency Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-448-3000.
Hang in there!

I have a plan

Posted by: SkittlezGurl95 on Apr 20th, 2008 3:01pm

This is not a lie. I use to get along with my father now he
makes ma life a living hell! One day I saw I think people
cutting there self and I didn't want to coz I hate seeing
blood.I move and go to a public school and ever since I
went to that school I wanted to kill myself. Throw up, and
cutt. People tease me and as stupied as I am I listen to
them.I thought beening a teen was gonna be hard but not like
this! I didn't want to be 13. I have more years to go but im
much afriad to go to high sch

RE: my bestest friend in the entire world

Posted by: DanR on Mar 31st, 2008 1:24pm

It sounds like you are a very good sister to her and you
should feel good about that. Have you tried talking to
sister about why she really cuts herself? Do your parents
know that she does this? It may be that she needs help to
seek some kind of counseling. Your best bet is to talk to
your sister and try to get her to talk to a trusted adult to
get the help she needs. She can also call the Hope Center
Hotline at 1-800-784-2433. Once she does, you can just
continue to be there for her!

my bestest friend in the entire world

Posted by: ToxicRainbow on Mar 29th, 2008 11:13pm

my sister. my bestest friend. I love her so much. But she
likes to walk on the wild side sometimes, and sometimes she
cuts herself to be hardcore. I doubt that it's that she
feels empty and alone and misunderstood, she tells me those
things. I worry about her some times. what can I do?

Reach out

Posted by: rudolpbr on Jan 18th, 2008 11:04pm

I used to be really depressed and I would cut myself, and I
told one person and she didn't do anything and things got
worse until one of my other friends found out and told the
school counselor. I can honestly say that this girl saved my
life.

i asked for help3

Posted by: mariachristina on Jan 18th, 2008 1:23pm

When I was at the airport, after I had said goodbye to my
family, I received a text message from my sister, where she
was telling me to stop. STOP WHAT? I had never let her know,
because I knew that by letting someone know I would no
longer be hurting just myself, but him/her as well... I
understood then that I just had to cope with life as it was,
and accept my emotions instead of trying to block them. I
threw away my blades. I won't say I'm not tempted in getting
new ones, but I'll try not to.

i asked for help2

Posted by: mariachristina on Jan 18th, 2008 1:20pm

mom's, I actually call him "dad" sometimes) and anyway, we
had been corresponding ever since I went abroad, and I left
hints in my emails to him of what i was doing... When I went
home for Christmas, I talked to him, and he said he had
known all along, I just had to go through some part of it
myself to realise the situation... After I talked to him, I
had two more vacation days, and I decided not to do it again
at home. But the real shock for me came the day I was
leaving again, two weeks ago.

i asked for help...

Posted by: mariachristina on Jan 18th, 2008 1:13pm

I am a student of medecine. I currently live 500 miles away
from home. I came to study medecine against my will. i'd
been cutting myself for the past months. I never cut too
deeply, but this wasn't by lack of nerve or sensible
thinking, I just didn't have a complete medical kit in my
place to put me right, and i didn't want anyone from my
classmates or friends here noticing... Anyway, I am very
lucky to have a very good friend who is a psychologist (I
say friend, but he is about the age of my

Stopping a friend

Posted by: VirginOnTheVerge on Sep 2nd, 2007 11:28pm

It may seem impossible to stop a suicidal friend yourself.
Although I don't believe in the word 'impossible', I do
think that you must tell someone else in this situation. It
sounds cliche', but find a caring adult who can help. A
suicidal person needs the support of people around them, and
you can help that way. :)

My friend's the same

Posted by: JustMyLuck13 on Aug 22nd, 2007 5:13pm

I don't know how to help anymore, except be there for her. I
wish it made more difference, or I could change what makes
her so unhappy, but there's nothing I can do about it. But I
think talking about it helps, if only a little bit, so if
you're in that situe too, tell them how much you care about
them, and then ask if you can help them in any way. The main
thing is just to be there for them, and let them know
they're not alone, and you will help them get through it.

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