Sometimes people don’t want their partner to think they were “planning” on having sex since it seems more romantic for sex to “just happen.” Also, many people don’t want to look like they were expecting to have sex for fear that they will look like a “player,” or a “slut.”

Being concerned about how others think of you keeps many teens from talking openly about sex and protection. Talking openly with a partner about condoms and planning ahead of time how to protect each other from STDs and/or pregnancy is smart, no matter what the other people say.

Ideally, you should talk about using protection, such as a condom, before you even start getting sexual. When you talk openly about your expectations both you and your partner understand that if you do have sex, then you will be prepared to use protection.

When you talk about using a condom, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have committed to having sex. It just means that protecting your sexual health is important to you. Even if you have decided to have sex but then realize that sex doesn’t feel OK, you always have the right to say “no,” even at the last second. All partners need to respect the right of anyone at anytime to change his or her mind.

If you find that it is difficult for you to talk openly with your partner about using a condom, you might want to think about whether it’s the right time for you to have sex. Using protection is part of having sex, and is nothing to be ashamed of.

Here’s what other teens have to say about bringing up condoms with a partner:

“When my girlfriend and I talked about sex, there was never any question about condom usage. When we first started talking, neither of us was sure that sex was the right thing for our relationship, but we were sure of one thing: if we decided to, the condition for both of us is that we use a condom.” –Max, 17

"I’d simply ask, ‘You have protection right?’ If they said no then I'd tell them, ‘No deal... No condom no sex, but most importantly, no STDs.’” –Kristen, 17

“When we’re kissing I ask my boyfriend, ‘Hey, you have a condom right? Just in case?’ If he says no, then I let him know I’m going home early so that we aren’t even tempted to go without!” –Malik, 18

“My girlfriend buys condoms in bulk from a Web site and I pay her back for half. That way we both know we have plenty of condoms, we both know we want to use them, and we both pay for them. It works for us!” –Drew, 19