Some girls don’t experience pain or bleeding the first time they have sexual intercourse. Some do.

Most girls are born with a hymen, which is a thin elastic (stretchy) piece of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina. When there is pain or bleeding during first-time vaginal intercourse it may be due to the hymen getting stretched or torn. This is also called “popping the cherry."

Some hymens are very thin, and others are thick. Check out these illustrations to see for yourself! Many girls tear or stretch their hymens before they ever experience vaginal intercourse for the first time, and they may not know this has happened. Hymens can be stretched or torn by things like riding a bike or doing gymnastics.

For girls who have very thick hymens, first-time vaginal intercourse (or trying to use a tampon) may hurt or seem impossible. If a girl experiences intense pain during vaginal intercourse or while attempting vaginal intercourse, she should stop trying and talk to her doctor to make sure everything is OK.

Another common reason why sex hurts is because a girl hasn’t been sexually aroused enough during foreplay. When a girl becomes sexually excited, the inside of her vagina releases a special lubricating fluid that makes her vagina wet, and that helps sex feel good. If she hasn’t been sexually aroused, her vagina can be dry, making it uncomfortable to have anything inserted. Some couples like to buy water-based lubricants from the store to make sex feel better.

Sex can also hurt if you’re scared or not ready for it. People who are having sex for the first time tend to be nervous. This can make sex painful, so it’s important to relax and be sure you’re ready to have sex. You’re more likely to relax if you’re with a partner you know and trust. The right partner is someone you can talk to before, during and after sex, and who’s willing to make the first time more pleasurable.

Remember, a medical professional can also talk with you about your concerns about painful sex, as well as birth control and preventing sexually transmitted diseases. Find a clinic near you.