You’re not alone. There are actually thousands of people in the U.S. (and millions worldwide) that were born with genitals from one sex but feel like their internal sense of gender doesn’t line up.

Some people who are born with a penis have a deep inner sense that says, “But I’m really a girl!” And some people are born with a vulva and have a deep inner sense that says, “But I’m really a boy!” They may become aware of these feelings as small children or later as adolescents or adults.

There are hundreds of words people use to describe their gender. Here are some examples: trans, transgender, transsexual, trans-warrior, male to female (M-to-F and MTF), cross-dresser, gender queer, differently gendered, female impersonator, queen, femme, femme queen and more.

Like other transgender people, you may feel like you’re the only one. Some transgender people may feel confused, or even sad or angry. Unfortunately, our society still has a long way to go in terms of understanding all of the different genders that exist.

Guys are expected to feel like guys and act like guys, and girls are expected to feel like girls and act like girls. When people try to express themselves in different ways, the people around them may be surprised or even react in very mean or discriminatory ways. But many young people and older people do shake up gender expectations.
People who are transgender may express themselves in different ways. Some people who are born biologically male may just want to be able to wear women’s clothing every once in a while. Others want to wear women’s clothing all the time. Some people really feel like their biology contradicts who they are inside. Some may choose to take hormones and/or have surgery to change their bodies to match how they feel inside.

If you are already taking hormones, it’s important to do this with a health care provider. Hormones that people purchase “on the street” aren’t regulated and may contain other ingredients besides what you need. Also, remember to use clean needles when using hormones since used needles transmit infections such as HIV and hepatitis. There are inexpensive trans-friendly health clinics in most large cities where you can get safe supplies and good health care from trained professionals.

Lots of people confuse being transgender with being lesbian, gay or bisexual. But that is different. Our sexual orientation is about who we’re attracted to sexually and romantically. Being transgender has to do with our gender identity—our sense of being male, female, neither or a little bit of both. For example, you may be gay and transgender, or you may be heterosexual and transgender.

To find a therapist who can understand what you are going through, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists Web site can help.

Because society sometimes has a hard time accepting people who don’t fit into its strict definitions of gender, you may want help coming to terms with your feelings. Try to find people who are “trans-friendly.” This might be both transgender people and people who are not transgender but who are trans-allies. A good place to start exploring your feelings and finding others who you can talk to is at Youth Resource.
You’ll see that you are not alone and that there are places to find the support you need to accept and love who you are.

Note: If you’d like to do something to make school a safer place for trans and gender-different youth, try “Bending the Mold - An Action Kit for Transgender Youth.”