It’s impossible for another person to know whether you’re gay based on one “crush” or sexual behavior. During the teen years and young adulthood, many people struggle to discover who they are and that includes trying to figure out whether they’re lesbian, gay, heterosexual or bisexual. At some point or another, almost everyone questions their sexual orientation; it’s part of determining who you are.

Some people have sexual experiences with people of the same gender when they are young and that’s perfectly okay. This is actually quite common. Also, many teens and adults have sexual thoughts or fantasies about people of the same gender without necessarily being gay. Sexual behavior and fantasies don’t determine orientation. Your feelings about other people, attractions and reactions to those feelings and attractions are what can help you define your orientation when you’re ready.

It can be very stressful to feel like you have to label yourself when you’re really not sure. Give yourself time to figure out how you feel toward different people and in different situations. If your feelings continue to worry you, see a counselor or other professional you can talk to who can help you sort things out. Or call the National Gay and Lesbian Hotline at 1-800-246-PRIDE (7743). They can help. This hotline is open Monday-Friday 8:00 p.m. to midnight E T.