Communication is key in any relationship.

For transpeople, this can seem like an even bigger challenge. Start by thinking about what's behind your question. Are you hoping to become good friends? Or more? Do you feel that not telling her about your gender identity is unfair or dishonest? Do you want her to know you are a little different than the "average guy" she may be expecting? Are things becoming more serious and you want to avoid embarrassment or surprise later on? Or maybe you think she may already sense there's something unique about you, and you want to let her know she's right? Think hard about this before deciding what action to take.

Another important part of this decision is whether you expect her to keep your conversation private or not.

If you've decided it's time to tell:

Find the right moment. The tricky thing about gender identity is that a person won't know until you decide to tell them. Consider picking a good time and place to talk. Somewhere where you have some privacy and won't be interrupted.

Give your friend some information. Keep in mind that the person you tell may be surprised and could benefit from some additional information about trans issues and time to absorb what you have to say. But there are also people who know a lot about transgender people, so be prepared for someone who might react with a little confusion or hurt by saying, "Why did you take so long to tell me? Didn't you trust me?"

Have some patience. People's reactions can be very mixed--surprise, fear, delight, disbelief, joy! Some people may also want to try to "help" you--they may offer advice or ask questions like, "Are you sure?" or "How did you know?" Remember that just as some trans people may take months or years to fully understand themselves, some non-trans people may need time, as well. Try to be patient and maintain open communication and remind the person of how important that you are sharing this part of yourself with them. Be ready to answer questions.

As society builds an awareness and acceptance of the diversity of gender identities, transpeople will become far more common and understood. Many societies throughout history have recognized and celebrated gender diversity. With increased understanding and education, our society can be a more inviting and comfortable place to express all the parts of an individual's sense of self.

For more support, be sure to check out TransProud.org.