While it may not be easy, the healthiest approach is to respect your parent(s)’s or guardian(s)’s wishes and, little by little, try to show them you’re responsible enough to spend time with people that you’re romantically interested in. That can mean helping around the house, doing well in school, being respectful, establishing trust and making good choices in all areas of your life to show maturity. Since you depend on your parents for shelter, food and money, it can feel upsetting when they set rules that you don’t like.

It can also be useful to talk with your parents to try to understand where they’re coming from. What are they worried about? What are they trying to protect you from? How can you help them trust you? Once you understand this, you can start to negotiate—respectfully—for a little more space. You can find ways to calm their fears, maybe by spending time with people in groups, for example. Start small and work your way up. Once you earn their trust, your parents may reward you with more freedom.

If your parents have strong religious beliefs or racial taboos about seeing people romantically, it can be a bit tougher to deal with. You might want to talk to another family member, school counselor or another trusted adult about how to approach your parents. In the end, going behind your parents’ or guardians’ backs will only decrease their trust in you and make it harder for you to gain the freedoms that you’re looking for.