Sex, Etc. -- I’m 15 and going out with a guy...

I’m 15 and going out with a guy who’s 20. What is the big deal?

In some cases, it’s no big deal. But, lots of times, older people go out with much younger ones so they can control the relationship. It makes them feel more powerful.

Older guys, especially, tend to have more experience and more money. This can give them an unfair advantage over younger, teen girls, who have neither. That might show up as your older boyfriend always deciding where you go and what you do. It can also mean pressuring you to have sex.

Problems also crop up if the older person—who can be male or female—stops you from hanging out with friends your own age. That can get in the way of the normal process of growing from a teen to an adult.

If your relationship is sexual, you need to check the laws in your state. Your boyfriend could be guilty of statutory rape. All but two states consider it illegal for anyone over 18—male or female—to have sex with someone under 16. He could be sent to jail for it, even if you say you agreed to have sex.

Each relationship is different. Not all different-age relationships are bad. But, you’re young and you should be careful. If your friends or family are worried about your relationship, you’d be smart to listen.

Your Comments

RE: im 14 dating a 18 year old.

Posted by: DanR on Oct 6th, 2008 4:33pm

The truth is, there are no "date police" or anything around
that are watching you. However, because of the age
difference, your parents could press charges if there was
some kind of sexual relationship happening. What I would
suggest is talking to them about the situation and seeing
what their opinion is. I have seem many cases where it is
the parents who end up contacting the police, so why not
know what their feelings are before you run into any
problems.

im 14 dating a 18 year old.

Posted by: gnomechick1 on Oct 5th, 2008 6:31am

I've been with this guy for 2 years now, and i still love
him but my bf and i are scared were gunna get in trouble. is
it all right to hug, kiss, hold hands etc. or should we not,
Even if we havn't done anything sexual?

Its Ok...

Posted by: FL_Gurl3494 on Aug 13th, 2008 2:16am

Im 14 I Dated A 18Yr Old Guy..My Mom Was Ok With It Cause
Shes Been In My Position & I Finaly Found A Place Where Its
Ok To Date Older Guys & I Like That I Like Older Guys Is
That Wrong?? I Dont Think So But Alot Of Adults Do They
Think Just Cause Hes Older Where Having Sex..That Not The
Case..Im a Virgin & Plan To Stay That Way..& I Need Friends
That Are Ok With That..Im New, Dont Kno Any1 So It Would Be
Great If I Could Talk To Sum1 My Own Age..& I Need 2 Find
This Paper!! Lol

RE: i never heard of anything!!!!!!

Posted by: DanR on Jul 31st, 2008 4:15pm

Please see my response...there is no such paper. There are
no papers out there in any state that anyone can sign that
will allow a minor to date someone who is of legal age.
Please see our Sex in the States page:
http://www.sexetc.org/state or this link on the age of
consent for your state:
http://www.ageofconsent.com/ageofconsent.htm.

nothing bad.look at the past

Posted by: tripper on Jul 31st, 2008 12:58pm

i dont see whats the bi point with the law!my grandparents
have been going out since they were teens and they are 9
years apart.when she was a teen he was a man.they are now
married!ie and my boyfriend are 9 years apart and i am 16
and hes 25.we have been together for 2 years and 7 months
almost 3 years.i love him and thats what matters.he treats
me with respect and there is no difference!im planning to be
with him

i never heard of anything!!!!!!

Posted by: tripper on Jul 31st, 2008 12:46pm

what is this paper that they are talkinga about?is it really
true that your parents can sign a paper ti let you go out
with an adult?i am 16 with a 26 year old bf.how does this
thing work nd how is it?i dont get it!i have never hear
about it!can someone please tell me what it is?my mother
knows this guy and he is nice but is this paper true/sould i
get a hold of it or should i wait till i am finally
18?someone please help!!!!!

RE: yeaa tha paper...

Posted by: DanR on Jul 30th, 2008 2:40pm

Sounds like you are talking about an abstinence contract.
Where a person agrees that they are not going to have sex
until a given point in time? As far as a gyno knowing, A
gyno could tell if your hymen is not in tact, but many girls
break their hymen from masturbating or using tampons, so
there is no way to know how it was broken. They could only
tell for sure if you were sexually active if you were
pregnant.

yeaa tha paper...

Posted by: itZaNAdudEz on Jul 29th, 2008 5:13am

its like a letter that both of our parents write & sighn
basically just saying that or relationship is sex-FREE.
(nonsexual relationship). & our parents giving us permission
2be 2gether. so that he won't get in trouble. i heard that
doing this can get him outta trouble just in case but i
don't really noe how da laws in newyork city r about dis...
& i wanted 2ask is there any way that a doctor or a gyno
could tell wether we were sexually active 2gether or not??

RE: i really need sum help

Posted by: DanR on Jul 28th, 2008 4:38pm

I'm not really sure what this paper is that you are talking
about? Who gave you this paper? Most states have laws
about age of consent and statuatory rape laws that would
need to be considered if you were in a sexual relationship,
and there are no papers to sign that make it OK to break
these laws. I have never heard of any kind of papers that
make it OK to date someone who is older either. I would
suggest talking to a trusted adult about this situation and
these papers you have.

i really need sum help

Posted by: itZaNAdudEz on Jul 26th, 2008 11:49pm

hii im 14 im going out with dis guy and he's 18. my mom
dusnt want 2sighn a paper saying dat its ok 4us 2go out cuz
she's afraid it`ll mean giving us permission 2have sex.
which she would lyke kill me if i even mention dat word. my
dad would probably sighn it. if he's sighns da paper can my
bf still get in trouble since my mom dusnt want 2? and how
can i convince her 2sighn it.?

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