Sex, Etc. -- What is abuse?

What is abuse?

Abuse is when one person, over time, hurts another, either physically or emotionally. Usually, it’s a pattern or cycle, meaning it keeps happening again and again in similar ways. It usually continues until the abused person decides to get help. Sometimes, someone else—a friend, family member—recognizes the abuse and jumps in to help.

Here are the different types of abuse:

Physical abuse is when someone physically hurts another person. Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, burning, hair-pulling, choking and cutting are some examples of physical abuse. Physical abuse often leaves bruises, burns and other physical scars. A lot of times, a physically abused person will try to hide their wounds, with clothes, sunglasses or in other ways.

Emotional abuse is constant insults, criticisms and other hurtful words that make a person feel bad about themselves. Emotional abusers might tell victims that they’re fat, ugly, worthless or will never amount to anything. Emotional abuse is often done in private, but it can also be done in front of other people.

Psychological abuse is designed to scare a person. Psychological abusers want their victims to lose touch with reality and be dependent on them. They might threaten to punish or harm the person or someone the victim cares about, in order to get the person to do what they want. They often set up victims. They might, for example, tell someone to go to the store, time the person, and then punish the person if late. Psychological abuse can also include stalking and keeping a person from sleeping.

Sexual abuse is basically forcing someone to do something sexual against their will. Rape and incest are the most obvious forms of sexual abuse. Incest is any type of sexual activity between relatives. Sexual abuse includes a lot of sexual behaviors – everything from fondling a person’s genitals and having sexual intercourse to forcing someone to watch porn or perform sex acts for money.

Financial abuse is when someone uses money to control another person. Maybe the clearest example of this is the husband who cuts off his wife’s credit cards when he’s angry at her. It can also include things like stopping someone from going to college so they can’t get an education, which would lead to a higher paying job, or forcing someone to quit a job and become financially dependent.

Your Comments

RE: weirdness

Posted by: DanR on May 5th, 2008 11:41am

I hope that you received my e-mail with some resources for
you to check out. It is not good that you feel like
something every guy can use. You are so much more then
that, and you should never feel like you have to do anything
you do not want to do just to not disappoint someone.
Communication is important to having a healthy relationship.
You should always be able to speak up for yourself, and in
turn, that person should respect your wishes. If they do
not, you should tell a trusted adult.

weirdness

Posted by: uncertainfreak on May 3rd, 2008 7:38pm

okay ive told you about what happened with my grandpa, but
now i feel used. me, my boyfriend, and his bestfriend went
to the movies today. we were holdinghands and then he moved
my hand to his.. crotch. he wasnt making me givehim a
handjob but i didnt want to disappointhim. His hand kept
slowly moving up my leg. I felt like i was.. getting wetbut
at the same time time, i felt as though im something every
guy can use. he keptaskin if i liked it then i just asked
him 'why today?' 'you didnt have t

RE: spooks

Posted by: DanR on Apr 22nd, 2008 2:07pm

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this, and
you do not deserve to feel this way. I think that in
addition to talking to your parents or a teacher or other
trusted adult, you may want to talk to someone who
specializes in these types of situations. You need to know
that you are not alone. Here is the number to the National
Teen Emergency Hotline: 1-800-488-3000. They are available
24/7 to talk about what you are feeling and going through.
Hang in there!

spooks

Posted by: uncertainfreak on Apr 19th, 2008 1:26am

After all this time, it still spooks me to see him. Also..
(this is something i just realized) because of what happens
with my grandpa, im scared to be next to old guys, whether
theyre 20 or 60. EVEN IF ITS A TEACHER!! I feel like theyre
gonna hurt me one way or another just by looking at them
(even if they dont look at me). And then it.. makes me feel
like id rather be dead. It also makes me feel like i dont
like guys.. (or anyone for that matter). I know theres
something wrong. What do i do?

RE: i told

Posted by: DanR on Dec 18th, 2007 2:08pm

That was very brave of you to talk to your parents. It
sounds like you have a lot of mixed feelings about what you
would like the next step to be. I would suggest talking to
your parents and maybe trying to make this decision together
so you do not feel so pressured. Ultimately, it is up to
you to decide what you want to do next, but it is OK to turn
to your parents or another trusted adult to help you make
that decision.

i told

Posted by: uncertainfreak on Dec 15th, 2007 12:58am

i told my mom what happened. ...her dad, my grandpa, did the
same to her. she always tried to make sure me and my
siblings werent alone with him. now my parents are asking me
what i want to happen. but the problem is i dont know
myself. ...my father wanted to kick him out of our guest
house, where he lives, i want that to happen. then again i
dont. what should i do?

RE: rainn.org

Posted by: DanR on Dec 12th, 2007 9:04am

It sounds like this could be possible and this is definitely
something you should explore with a mental health
professional. I suggest talking to a counselor in person
or by phone so that you can get real immediate feedback.
For a listing of different types of hotlines you could call,
check out this link:
http://www.sexetc.org/page/crisis_hotlines.

rainn.org

Posted by: uncertainfreak on Dec 9th, 2007 1:39am

I was checking it out like you said i should and it was
saying stuff about depression. I was just wondering... is it
possible i got depressed from what happened? I mean it
happened about 4 years ago.

RE: Incest

Posted by: DanR on Dec 4th, 2007 2:25pm

I am so sorry that this happened to you. It is never OK for
an adult family member to do something sexual with a child
in that family. That's called incest. It was not your fault
and your Grandpa was wrong to make you do this. I suggest
you talk to trained counselor at school or at the Rape,
Abuse, Incest National Network by calling 1-800-656-SAFE or
going to www.rainn.org.

Incest

Posted by: uncertainfreak on Dec 1st, 2007 6:09pm

When I was in,i think, 4th grade my grandpa made me give him
a handjob. At first I was freaked out and then I was okay
with it, I wanted to. But after that, I realized it was
wrong what was happening and said "stop". I told my grandma
but she forgot. I don't think of him the same. I told my
friends, but I can't tell my parents. My dad would kill
him!!! Help me please! I'm desperate! Is there something I
can do that won't get him in jail?!

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