There are a lot of things to consider here. If you were involved in creating the pregnancy, you have the responsibility to your child regardless of your relationship with the child’s mother. If you’re not sure if you’re the father you can request a paternity test (biological proof that you’re the father) when the child is born. If the child is yours, you may find it helpful to talk with a supportive adult in your life to figure out what to do next. Signing a paternity affidavit (legal document) establishes you as the child’s legal father, which is important for a variety of reasons. It can give you more rights in the event that your child is not being cared for properly, and it also formalizes your responsibility to help support the child.

It’s also important for you to spend some time with yourself to figure out how you feel about the child’s mother. How would you define your relationship with her? Are you together as a couple? Are you “just friends”? Are you barely speaking? What kind of relationship would you like with her in the future? After you’ve had some time to yourself, it can be helpful to talk things through with a trusted adult in your life.

Once you’re more in touch with how you feel, have a conversation with her about what you’ve come up with. Be honest with her about your relationship and your feelings. During this conversation, give her a chance to respond and to express how she’s feeling too. Decisions do not necessarily need to be made during the conversation. You both might need time to think about it more after you’ve heard what the other person has to say.

If there is a future for the two of you as a romantic couple, seek some support or counseling to strengthen the relationship. If you’ve decided to co-parent or parent together without continuing a romantic relationship, commit to making that work for the sake of your child. Both of you must put aside any negative feelings about your relationship and think first about what’s best for the child.

Once you work out the type of relationship the two of you want, you can focus on figuring out ways to be parents together. That includes dividing up responsibilities. Who will do what for the baby? How will you pay for the expenses of raising a child? Will you stay in school or get a job?

You’re about to embark on a lifelong relationship together, regardless of the form that it takes. It’s best for your baby if you learn to get along and work together. If you can do that, you will teach your child one of the most important skills in life.