Sex, Etc. -- How do I know if I'm ready to have sex?

How do I know if I'm ready to have sex?

Great question. It shows that you’re taking the time to think through this very important decision. Here are some questions to consider when deciding whether becoming sexually active is the best thing for you at this point in your life.

You need to be aware of the good and bad things that might happen if you have sex with someone.

The good things – pleasure, a feeling of closeness, maybe even a deepening in your relationship. These things are more likely to happen when a couple knows and understands each other, decides together that they’re ready to become more intimate and uses condoms and birth control to protect against pregnancy and disease.

The bad things – a sexually transmitted disease, an unplanned pregnancy, a broken heart. Anytime you have sex, there’s a chance of disease and pregnancy. Using birth control and wearing condoms, every single time, reduces the chances of either of these things happening.

Hearts often get broken when a couple hasn’t taken the time to get to know each other before having sex. They haven’t shared their feelings, expectations and desires for themselves and the relationship. Broken hearts happen to just about everyone, sometime during their life. But, if you jump into a sexual relationship with someone you barely know, you’re more likely to be emotionally hurt or to hurt the other person.

So, to sum up, before you’re ready to have sex, you need to be aware of the possible consequences and risks, know how to get and use birth control and condoms, talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns and then be able to cope with any negative consequences. That’s a lot to take on. Spend some time thinking about this heavy decision and make sure it’s your choice, not something that someone pressures you into.

Here are some questions to answer:

Do I feel ready to have a intimate sexual relationship with another person?
What are my values/beliefs about sex? Relationships?
What would my parents or family think about me being in a sexual relationship? Would they approve? Disapprove?
What does my religion say about having a sexual relationship?
What would I do if I started a pregnancy or became pregnant?
What type of birth control would we use? Where could we get it? Do I need to go to a family planning clinic?
How about sexually transmitted diseases? How would we protect ourselves?
Would having sex change the relationship at all? Make it more intense or change how I feel?
Am I feeling pressured by anyone to have sex? My partner? Friends? The idea that all teens are having sex? (Even though they’re not!)
Can I talk honestly about sex with my partner? Have we talked about our sexual histories with each other yet?

Your Comments

RE: 1st timer

Posted by: DanR on Oct 6th, 2008 2:05pm

Many people have different definitions of what virginity is.
Some people think it has to do with the breaking of the
hymen. Some people believe that anything that can give you
an STD is sex and makes you lose your virginity. Others
believe it is more of a spiritual thing. You have to decide
what your definition is. Check out this FAQ on our site
about virginity: http://www.sexetc.org/faq/deciding_sex/772.

1st timer

Posted by: raine19ulan on Oct 2nd, 2008 8:59pm

i had "sex" last weekend or at least i thought i did.. i
didnt cum.. and so did my bf.. and we were safe.. i didnt
bleed either so technically am i still a virgin? oh and
his penis didnt go all the way either

bad feelings

Posted by: dustinbrown96 on Jul 9th, 2008 7:24pm

i long time ago when i was 4 years old i meet this girl we
became friends and one day she asked to have sex with me. I
didnt know what sex was becuase i was olny 4 years old.she
told me everything.then she talked me into it. but when i
turned about 5 i found out that i was too young and since
then i feel very sad that i did "it" that young

Ur first time

Posted by: alibandra on Jul 4th, 2008 9:00am

I remember my first time, i kept askin myself was i ready.
Well my head kept tellin me that i was but i cud feel it in
my heart that i wasn't, so i waited and then wen the time
was rite i cud feel it in my heart that i was ready. Just if
ur goin to have sex make sure u discuss it with ur boyfriend
/ girlfriend and discuss using condoms or sum kind of
contraception.

RE: when do you know?

Posted by: DanR on Mar 6th, 2008 9:55am

The answer to your question will vary depending on who you
ask. Some people think you are ready at a certain age,
others think when you are in college, and some think you are
not ready until you are married. Ultimately, only you will
know when you are ready so be sure to check it with yourself
and pay attention to your thoughts and feelings about the
situation. Make sure you think through all of the point
mentioned above and if it doesn't feel right, it's OK to say
no.

when do you know?

Posted by: heygirlhey on Mar 5th, 2008 10:34pm

my boyfriend and i have talked about sex before and he says
he is willing to wait for me when i am ready. i think about
it sometimes and im not sure when it is time for me to be
ready. i have no doubt that we will have sex in our
relationship but how do you really know when you are ready??

RE: PLEASE HELP

Posted by: DanR on Feb 6th, 2008 3:31pm

First, I would like to congratulate you on being strong and
making decisions that work for you. The important thing
that you need to know is that no means no, and anyone who
cares about you will respect that. You need to be very
clear and let him know what you are feeling and thinking.
If you are afraid of how he might react, you should let a
trusted adult know and have their support when telling him.
Stay strong!

PLEASE HELP

Posted by: reader55 on Feb 5th, 2008 7:47pm

PLEASE, help me! I just started dating my ex again and he
was really suggestive before, but was just goofing around
then. Now he is DEAD serious. I really like him, but I don't
want to lose my virginity before I get married. Is there a
way to tell him I'm not ready and have him understand? He
lost his virginity years ago and isn't afraid of ANYTHING.
He is a really "bad" kid (discipline referrals, detention
for life, suspension, ISS, I could go on for hours) but I
seriously care about him. HELP!

I THOUGHT I WAS READY

Posted by: kentuckygrrl123 on Jan 21st, 2008 3:17pm

IM 13 AND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND,WE HAD SEX...I THOUGHT I WAS
READY BUT IT TURNED OUT I WASNT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING
READY.NOW I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT STDS AND PREGNANCY AND I
THINK IM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS

I am only fourteen ..: Response

Posted by: StacieS on Sep 14th, 2007 12:49pm

Honestly, 14 is really young to be having sex. What's the
rush? If you know you will be with him forever then you have
time to get to know each other's bodies in other ways
besides sex. I suggest waiting... And getting birth control!
UR questions: sex can hurt, but it doesn't have to! Check
out the FAQ www.sexetc.org/faq/sex/782. After first-time sex
women sometimes feel sore and experience spotting (light
bleeding). So you might want to prepare for that, ie. not
have a soccer game in an hour!

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