First, you need to define your relationship with your baby’s father. Are you and he together as a couple? Just friends? Or barely speaking? What kind of relationship would you like to have with him? Is he someone you would like to possibly marry or live with? Or is he someone you barely know and don’t want an intimate relationship with? Is he responsible? Can you count on him to help care for the baby?

You need to answer these questions before deciding how to approach him.

So, say you want him around, but he’s not interested. There’s little you can do to force him to be a father. Sometimes, guys change their mind after the baby is born and start wanting to be involved. But not always. So don’t expect it. Start planning your future without him. 

But, you should take legal steps to get him to help you financially. The law requires him to pay child support. If you can’t afford to hire a lawyer, your state’s child support enforcement agency can tell you how to file for support. Be prepared for a fight, though. This can take time and a lot of energy. But, in the long run, your baby’s future depends on having two parents contributing financially to his upbringing.

Now, say the father is around, but you don’t want to be in a relationship with him. He still has a right to be part of his child’s life. And that’s really best for your baby, assuming the father is not abusive to you or the baby. Children do best when both parents are involved in their lives, even if they live in different houses.

That means you need to work on creating a “co-parenting” relationship with him. You should talk to him about the progress of the pregnancy, about how you can work together to raise the child, visitation schedules and other stuff that will soon be part of your everyday life.

You’re about to embark on a lifelong relationship together. It’s best for your baby if you learn to get along and work together.

Now, if the father of your child is abusive and you’re afraid he might hurt you or the baby, you have to get help. You need an adult to help you take legal steps to get full custody of your child. Your parents or other relatives would be the best people to help you with this. If you don’t have anyone to turn to, most states have agencies that offer free legal services.

The other extreme is if the father charges that you’re an unfit mother and wants full custody of the child. Again, you’ll need serious legal advice to deal with this. Look to your parents, other trusted adults or your state legal system for help.