As a little girl, I always wanted a family of my own. You know, the nice little house with two or three kids, a dog or cat, and, of course, a loving husband. I always saw young girls having kids without dads. As for me, personally, I thought that would never happen.

Well, let’s just say REALITY came knocking at my door and just totally knocked it down! I found out that I was pregnant two weeks into my pregnancy, at the young age of 15. 

I’d been with the father for a year and a half. He’s 15. When I told him, he wanted me to have an abortion (which is totally against me). He took no consideration into how I was feeling. I even cried in front of him and he simply did not budge. No “it’s OK, we’ll make it through this” or “I’m sorry”—nothing. It was like he really didn’t care what I was feeling; it was all about him. 

After telling him, the next day I told my mom, or more like my mom told me. I said, “Mom, I gotta tell you something,” and she said, “I know, you’re pregnant.” It was a mother’s instinct. She was very disappointed, but she took it better then I thought she would. So did the rest of my family (my dad and older sisters and brother). 

For about a week, I continued calling the baby’s dad, to try and get him to understand.  I have deep feelings for him, and I was trying to get him to actually be with me. I was telling him, “I talked to my family, things are cool. They’ll meet you. We’ll have this kid and deal with it. We’ll get through it little by little.” 

I didn’t want to raise the kid by myself. And since I cared so much about him, I wanted him to be with me. But he was hostile and angry. He was incapable of being emotionally affected by what I was saying. Most of the time, I got hung up on.

On My Own

Finally I came to a REALIZATION that he wasn’t going to listen, and the love he supposedly had for me was completely tossed out the window. It’s been three months since I last spoke to him.

I’m now three months and three weeks into my pregnancy, and still dealing with the pain. My heart has been broken, crushed, stamped on—you name it. I loved him, and I think I would have given my world for him. 

Now 16 and living with my mom, I go through difficulties every day. It’s mainly just hard dealing with the pregnancy and heartbreak by myself. It hurts a lot; the heartache is a difficulty, all by itself.

At School

Soon after my pregnancy, I had to change high schools. Teachers at my school weren’t very understanding of my case. When I had to use the bathroom, they didn’t want to let me go. They thought I was faking—that I was just saying I was pregnant for attention. 

One teacher even told me I needed to bring in a note saying I was pregnant. I didn’t think that was right—I didn’t think I had to prove to anyone that I was pregnant. 

I now go to a school for pregnant teens and teen parents in grades 6th through 12th. My mom told me about it. Every day when I’m there, I have to deal with the heartache and pain of not having the father’s support and hearing about other teens my age, talking about how they have their baby’s daddy, what he does for them, all the love, and so on and so forth.

Changed Life

I lost a lot of friends and hurt a lot of people. A lot of people, including my family, didn’t expect this kind of thing from me. They didn’t expect me to be going out and having sex. I always used to talk about my future, that I wasn’t going to be like this person and that person. 

When it comes to sex, though, a lot of teens are forced. Not always physically, but a lot of times emotionally forced into having sex. With my ex-boyfriend, it was always like, “You love me, I love you, let’s do this already.” You keep saying “no,” but after a while, you feel forced in a way. Having sex was partly my decision, too, but in a way, he was pressuring me. It was like he always talked about it.

But things are working out well now. I have my family’s support. Now my mom and I are closer than ever; this brought us closer. My family’s been there for me. They haven’t been discouraging me. They’ll poke me in my stomach and try to talk to the kid (and they expect the kid to respond!).

Now every time I get sad or down, and want to cry, I think of the blessing I hold inside. No matter the age or how it came about, a child should never be considered a mistake or a punishment. Love is unconditional. And if you really love a person, you can respect her decision. 

Teens shouldn’t be forced or pressured into doing anything they feel is not right or they’re not ready for. My ex-boyfriend should’ve respected my decision to have the kid. Instead of yelling and being hostile, he should’ve tried to deal with it and be there for me.

Reaching Teens

You can tell a teen “don’t have sex, because these are the results—consider diseases.” There’s so much stuff out there that tells kids what can happen with sex; but a teen is never really going to learn. 

A lot of them don’t pay attention to disease. They know about it, but they have to experience it themselves. Teens are hardheaded; we don’t like to listen. It’s all about you; you do what you want to do, and that’s it.

I don’t think teens totally disregard what is said about sex and the consequences. It stays in your mind, but it’s like, you have a guy that you supposedly fall in love with—and I say “supposedly” because you’re kind of young to really know what love is—and you’ll do anything to stay with him. A lot of girls are like that. 

I wanted to do anything to stay with my ex-boyfriend, and I didn’t want to be alone. And you want that attention, too—every girl wants it—and so it’s mainly the guy they go to for attention, and then the guy gets what he wants.

Guys & Girls

I was telling this guy I know—him and his wife go out and preach to the youth about diseases, safer sex, and teen pregnancy. I told him, “You need to preach more to the guys.” I feel that way because a lot of guys just do what they want. 

Guys have this charm thing that every girl wants to fall for, and that’s why guys break hearts. That’s the way they are. It’s hard to find an honest guy out there. 

But guys should just think of it like this: If you break a girl’s heart, think of your mom. If you really love your mom, don’t break a girl’s heart, because it’s like hurting her, since she’s a woman, too. Girls are people with feelings, and it’s just not right.

Right now, the pain I feel I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy. No young girl should have to experience my pain. 

But if I have to raise my kid without the father, I can do that. I’m going to do it. My family has a lot of single moms. My aunt was a single mom. I feel encouraged, and I’m still going to graduate. I’m not letting anything stop me from graduating. 

I also write poetry and I have this lady who’s trying to get my poems published. And I’m still doing what I usually do. Life goes on, you know? Life just goes on, and I’m not letting anything stop me.

Sara De Jesus, 16, is a Sex, Etc. national correspondent living in Miami, FL.