Looking For Love: Teen Girls Tell Why They Became Parents

By Laura Lipinsky, 17, Staff Writer

Originally Published: Feb 24, 2004

Revised: Oct 25, 2006

“I knew if I had a baby, everything would disappear—my freedom, friends, fun. And I knew I would have to work twice as hard for everything I wanted,” says Jill, a 17-year-old who lives in Vincetown, New Jersey. Still, she let it happen.

Illustration by Kristen Smith

And Jill is not alone. Eight hundred-twenty thousand (820,000) teen girls get pregnant each year, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, in Washington, D.C. Fifty-seven percent of pregnant teens aged 19 and younger gave birth, and most kept their babies, according to the Campaign. (The rest had abortions or made adoption plans.)

Sex, Etc. interviewed seven teen mothers to try to find out why so many girls became parents, even when they know a child will change their lives forever.

Lifelong Partners?

Most of the girls interviewed felt they had found their lifelong partners and said that love caused them to become careless about birth control. These teens had planned on getting married. So far, only two of the seven interviewed are married.

One 15-year-old Trenton teen thought that her pregnancy would improve her relationship with her boyfriend.

“But that was stupid,” Jayne says now. “I thought it would bring him closer, but obviously it didn't.''

All said that, given a second chance, they would wait to have kids. They added that love had overshadowed their better judgment.

“I felt so in love, I didn't care about the consequences,” says Gail, 16, a junior at Burlington County Institute of Technology in New Jersey.

Some girls believed they were invulnerable: pregnancy couldn't happen to them. They also believed that since they did not become pregnant the first time they had sex, it was OK to continue having unprotected sex. (Not true.)

Some teens failed to grasp the realities of caring for a baby.

“I thought having a baby would be no real responsibility, just something for dressing up and showing off,” says Gail. “Now I know what a huge responsibility it is.”

Affection Factor

Most of the young women viewed having a baby as a way to get affection—either from their boyfriends or from the babies they had created.

“I really needed someone to care for me, and my boyfriend was there,” says the teen from Trenton. “My parents weren't.”

For others, the focus was the baby; some girls said they felt they were creating someone who would love them and whom they could love in return. The teens who talked about this factor had rocky relationships with their parents.

“My parents weren't giving me the support I needed,” says Jayne.

But other teen mothers did have strong relationships with their parents. Several said that their parents talked to them about sex and even offered to provide birth control, but they did not want their parents to know they were having sex. They felt it was too intimate a part of their lives to share with their parents.

They added, however, that if condoms had been available through another source—schools or local clinics—they would have used them.

None of the teens interviewed felt that they were very mature or responsible when they got pregnant. Yet, the average age at which they became sexually active was 14. All agree now that they were too young at 14 to make decisions that would change their lives forever.

Your Comments

Me.

Posted by: Emily91292 on Oct 13th, 2008 6:44pm

I'm a mom of 16 pregnant at 15. My baby boy is the most
amazing thing to ever happen to me. But trust me, waiting
till your steadly ready for a baby is the best idea. It's
hard trying to balance school, work, friends, and seeing
Jesse.

I'd be the different one of those teens

Posted by: severna on Sep 27th, 2008 12:32am

I've practically raised my neice since birth and paid quite
a bit of her expenses and have lots of experiance. I always
expected that i'd be a single mom so I understand that it
would be hard but I think kids are great no matter how hard
it is take care of them, at the end of the day i'd still
love mine no matter what. Adults are just trying to say that
kids are nothing but trouble. I disagree and that's why I've
decided to wait until I have enough experiance and money to
support them.

I dont even kno

Posted by: ToraTonic on Sep 3rd, 2008 2:19pm

Im 14 years old and I recently lost my virginity and ive
stayed with the same guy (my ex). Also when I was really
young I had too take care of my little sister bcuz my mom
got on drugs so I kno what its like too take care of a baby,
well my ex wanted too start a family but he didnt want too
go too jail bcuz he is almost 18. But I want too have a
baby. And I kno that im really young. Am I wrong for wantin
a baby at such a young age?

Posted by: Deajaya on Aug 21st, 2008 1:47am

some gurls should see that love won't make u happy
regardless of weather u want it from a friend or the baby
because in order for the baby to love u it has to kno that
it is loved and feel loved...and a baby won't make your man
love u any more or any less

Posted by: Scoml14 on Jul 9th, 2008 4:42pm

I have been pregnant for two months now. When my parents
found out they were disappointed, scared, and a little
excited.

Posted by: bebeagle on Jun 9th, 2007 4:01pm

Well lets see I am with my bestfriend and we have been
dating for 13+ months, I was pregnant for 5 months and lost
it... 5 MONTHS!! Thats what brought us that much closer.. We
were to have a lil boy, we were going to name him Ruger
Rimmington Hunter Eagle... it hurt my bf more than me. then
on my 17th birthday i found out that i was pregnant again,,
this time with twins,, yes i lost them 2 months later... i'm
soo tierd of this happening... we are ready to have a family
but it just aint happenin

Posted by: proudparent2006 on Mar 4th, 2007 3:19pm

i have been a single mom for 7 months now. before i got
pregant me and his father were together but it seem like
after i had him we broke up that is how i found out that he
was not ready for a family yet, so what i am trying to say
is that if u really want to have a kid first make sure both
of u want it plus want the samething as each other

Posted by: rachelosman on Feb 28th, 2007 10:31am

iv been a mum for 16 months now and i love every min of it
im not sayin go out and do it im sayin if you r already
pregnant and u r young dont worry what other ppl say or
think remember there is a new life growin inside u what u
have made urself outa love