The need for guys to prove their "manhood" is a phenomenon that dates back to prehistoric times, when cavemen tried to be the strongest, the fastest, or the smartest. How did they do this? Taking risks, pushing around the little guy, forcing their way into positions of power … the list goes on.

 

Examples of men acting like "real men" continue today, even though they take on a slightly different form. Many teen guys try as hard as they can to outdo one another, sometimes without even thinking about it.

They lift weights so they'll look stronger than other guys. They flaunt clothes, Jordans, cars, and other material things to show off their money and sense of style. They pick on the weaker kids to show their dominance over them. They pretend to be the most sexually experienced guys in school.

Why is this behavior so common? Why is it that males, especially teen guys, try so hard to show off? Despite guys' claims that they're trying to impress the ladies (which, in itself, is an overly "masculine" response), many times they're doing things just to impress other guys.

"I feel awkward when I'm in the locker room and guys are bragging about how many girls they've slept with. Since I'm still a virgin, I just lie and say I've slept with tons of girls, so I can fit in with them," says James, 17, of New York City.

 

Behind the Image

Michael S. Kimmel, Ph.D., an author and sociologist, has done extensive research on men, masculinity, and gender roles in society. His latest book, Manhood In America: A Cultural History, looks at how the American ideal of "manliness" has changed throughout the years and what causes men to strive for such a confusing and seemingly pointless ideal.

"The reason men do all this stuff……—risk taking, driving fast, trying to impress girls, etc.…—is really for the approval of other men," explains Kimmel. "Growing up, our fathers and brothers are the ones who put us down and call us 'sissies.' Guys learn how to be 'men' from other boys, so naturally, that's the approval they'll seek as they get older."

Alex, 18, of Pennsylvania, agrees. He says that many guys feel pressure from other guys, who are sizing them up and judging them.

"A friend of mine picks on other guys. He tries to have an intimidating image, so other people around him watch what they say. But most people don't respect him. He doesn't realize that by changing his attitude, he might lose the respect of few, but gain a lot more respect with the rest of the world," he says.

 

Breaking Free

So, how can guys develop a positive attitude about themselves, without having to impress other guys?

"Develop relationships with other guys that are real friendships as opposed to guys simply trying to impress each other. This will make it easier for guys to be open with one another, to admit their fears and help keep each other grounded rather than trying to outdo each other," advises Kimmel.

And what about heterosexual guys, who think that girls only like the real "manly men"?

"In mostly all public opinion polls," says Kimmel, "women say that they don't care about those things. They're looking for a guy who's caring, sensitive, and thinks about his partner more than himself."

Mary, 18, of Middletown, NJ, responds to the idea of the locker-room culture:

"If he's bragging about being 'the man,' then I think he's immature. It's not something that impresses people. If I hear about him from someone else, I look at it as a heads-up, a warning, to stay away from him."

Meg, 17, from Keansburg, NJ, agrees.

"I look for conversation skills in a guy, someone who's also able to be comfortable around me. I look for honesty and little things like crying. It's great to see a guy cry."

Sometimes acting "manly" isn't being a real man at all.