“OK, first let me say, "Thank god for the clitoris!"”
—Shelby, 17, OK
Older Guys: Dreamy or Dangerous?
Originally Published: Feb 24, 2004
Revised: Oct 11, 2006
Dionne was 15 when she met her boyfriend. He was 23.
She fell for him. Age didn't seem to matter.
Now, two years later, she is pregnant and her boyfriend is pressuring her to have an abortion. She can't turn to her mother for help. The two were once close, but the relationship has caused major rifts. Even her brother, who was once her true bud, is no longer on her side.
Dionne isn't sure what she wants, but she says she feels pressure to satisfy both her mother and boyfriend. She doesn't know how it will all turn out.
And Dionne is only one of thousands of teen girls who become pregnant with an older guy. According to one study, 65 percent of teen moms age 15 to 19 have children fathered by men who were at least 20 years old. In 20 percent of the cases, the fathers were at least six years older, according to the survey, conducted by the Alan Guttmacher Institute in New York City.
This is especially true for girls who haven't had much love at home or, even worse, who have been sexually abused by someone who was supposed to love them, says Patricia Nardone, who works with teen moms at the Children's Home Society, in Trenton, NJ.
But fab as he may seem at first, what usually happens is that these guys give their young partners diseases, get them pregnant or both. And then they move on, many experts say.
That's what happened to Tara, now 20, a young mother infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. "I thought I was going to marry him, but when I told him I was pregnant, he left,'' she says.
So, who are these guys? And why are they interested in younger girls? That picture is a little sketchy. Usually, they haven't finished school. They don't have very good jobs and they use younger girls to make themselves feel stronger, more powerful.
If you're dating an older guy, you're probably thinking, "Not my honey.'' These older Romeo's are often pretty good at making their girlfriends feel secure at least for awhile.
But beware, because most of the time they're looking for a free ride with someone who's not going to give them a hard time, says Nardone. They're also looking to have sex with a girl who hasn't had many partners and is probably disease-free.
Some states are starting to crack down on older guys who impregnate teen girls—either forcing them to marry (a controversial solution) or putting them in prison or on probation.
Some say that stricter laws, along with education, will send a strong message to these men, who, after all, are the adults and should be acting more responsibly. But while we're waiting for that to happen, girlfriends, be on guard. He may not be as dreamy as all that.
She fell for him. Age didn't seem to matter.
Now, two years later, she is pregnant and her boyfriend is pressuring her to have an abortion. She can't turn to her mother for help. The two were once close, but the relationship has caused major rifts. Even her brother, who was once her true bud, is no longer on her side.
Dionne isn't sure what she wants, but she says she feels pressure to satisfy both her mother and boyfriend. She doesn't know how it will all turn out.
And Dionne is only one of thousands of teen girls who become pregnant with an older guy. According to one study, 65 percent of teen moms age 15 to 19 have children fathered by men who were at least 20 years old. In 20 percent of the cases, the fathers were at least six years older, according to the survey, conducted by the Alan Guttmacher Institute in New York City.
Looking for Love
So what's going on? A lot of teen girls see older guys as the answer to their dating dreams. After all, he usually has more money and a car. He seems experienced, older and wiser, like somebody you can really count on for the long haul.This is especially true for girls who haven't had much love at home or, even worse, who have been sexually abused by someone who was supposed to love them, says Patricia Nardone, who works with teen moms at the Children's Home Society, in Trenton, NJ.
But fab as he may seem at first, what usually happens is that these guys give their young partners diseases, get them pregnant or both. And then they move on, many experts say.
That's what happened to Tara, now 20, a young mother infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. "I thought I was going to marry him, but when I told him I was pregnant, he left,'' she says.
So, who are these guys? And why are they interested in younger girls? That picture is a little sketchy. Usually, they haven't finished school. They don't have very good jobs and they use younger girls to make themselves feel stronger, more powerful.
If you're dating an older guy, you're probably thinking, "Not my honey.'' These older Romeo's are often pretty good at making their girlfriends feel secure at least for awhile.
But beware, because most of the time they're looking for a free ride with someone who's not going to give them a hard time, says Nardone. They're also looking to have sex with a girl who hasn't had many partners and is probably disease-free.
Breaking the Law
You should also know that it's against the law for adults to have sex with a minor. Sex between an adult and a minor is called "statutory rape." (The age of a minor varies state to state, click here to find out the age in your state.)Some states are starting to crack down on older guys who impregnate teen girls—either forcing them to marry (a controversial solution) or putting them in prison or on probation.
Some say that stricter laws, along with education, will send a strong message to these men, who, after all, are the adults and should be acting more responsibly. But while we're waiting for that to happen, girlfriends, be on guard. He may not be as dreamy as all that.
 |
 |
 |
 |
Your Comments
old
Posted by: sexii_african_boriqua_1994 on Oct 9th, 2008 1:36am
I remember I dated a guy who was 6 years older then me n I'm
14 now . he wuz like a kid he ain't try 2 have sex with me
or anything he asked me out n I sed yea . were over now and
nothin ever happened between us . shoot I wasn't gonna have
sex wit him!!datz crazy!
Well...
Posted by: Escense on Aug 4th, 2008 8:27pm
When I was in the 9th I dated seniors, in the 10th I dated
between 24 & 26, by the time of my senior year my boyfriend
was 29 after I graduated I dated between 27 and 35 then I
dated a 37 y/o who lied like he was 31. Now that I'm 20 I'm
dating a 47 year old. When I saw him it was like an
immediate attraction. I thought he was in the 30 year range
but when I found out how old he was it made him much sexier
to me because he looks so good for his age. His age turns me
on and he's so intelligent.
my friend
Posted by: vissha455 on Jan 23rd, 2008 2:11pm
my friend is going out with a 23 year old dude too.he is 7
years older but when she trys to kiss him he says don't
tease me.Hes hot but i dont think they'ev had sex yet.we all
hang out together at the beach with his cousin and his
friend and her girlfriend. and his cousin is hot too!!!so i
get something out of it too. :) XD
ummm
Posted by: marley09 on Jan 15th, 2008 8:01pm
My boyfriend is at least 2 yrs older than me. He's a virgin,
I'm not and we're not planning on having sex for a while.
He's a freshman in college and I'm a junior in high school.
He's nothing like any of those older guys. He would never do
anything like that. it's not always a bad thing to be with
an older guy.
Older women
Posted by: dragongal8813 on Jan 14th, 2008 2:51am
I'm in agreement with crazzidaisy. I'm dating a guy whose 2
years younger than me. I knew about the age difference
because we've known each other for years since we went to
elementary school together. I feel as long as it is
consensual and that you're both over the age of consent,
it's fine. I don't mind it at all.
welll
Posted by: lauratexas on Jan 6th, 2008 1:30am
im with a guy thats about to be 7 years older than me & ive
always gone for older guys. i dont really understand the
whole younger girl/older guy phenomenon, but i notice it a
lot. i think that girls many times go into it yearning for
an experienced partner, and men go looking for someone to
make them feel youthful. everyone goes into an older-person
rlships looking for something different, but especially if
the age-gap is drastic, BOTH sexes should watch out. oh &
check your states consnt age
I'm With a Older guy
Posted by: poison62592 on Nov 7th, 2007 10:10am
This situation has really got me thinking. I am 15 and with
well someone who is older then me. Yes i do take this advice
in but i dont think that we should jump to conclusions about
all guys who are older. Some yes may just be looking for sex
but that does not mean that all of them are. It really does
depend on the situation. Not to mention if it was that big
of a deal why are all these parents letting there teenage
daughters date older men????
well
Posted by: baybiimamaat10 on Nov 4th, 2007 1:09am
dating an older guy can be messed up and wrong but then
there are guys that are good and really dont want to hurt
you at all they might juss want to knoe you and knoe what
your all about i knoe my guy wants to juss knoe what im all
about but im juss not the one to open up all that easy to
guys my guy is 17 and im 14 theres nutt n wrong with that to
me but to my mama she wouldent like it so idk how to tell
her she thinks hes the same age as me but its not like i
ever told her he was so idk tho
Dating an older guy
Posted by: Kimmological on Oct 29th, 2007 4:32pm
My boy friend is 21, and about to turn 22 in 3 months. He
doesn't drink though and is against smoking and drugs. I'm
17 and will be turning 18 in three months. I don't know, I
like him. That's all. I didn't like him at first and I was
just talking to him, but it worked out that way I guess. He
insists that we won't have sex until I turn 18, in fact,
he's more afraid (apprehensive is probably the better word)
to do it than I am because he doesn't want to hurt me. It's
cute.
You Must Be Logged In to Comment
Answer, Rutgers University © 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Developed by MSSG, Office of Information Technology
Not all its cracked up to be
Posted by: aripod on Oct 17th, 2008 11:03pm
Older guys tend to be more experienced and even though most
younger girls, including myself still seem to fall for them.
All the guys my age don't attract me, b/c they're so
immature! The point is, older guys been around, so it's a
lot easier for us to believe everything they say, esp. if
it's what we want to hear. I'm 15 and I dated a 23 yr. old,
the point is, we had sex and now he's gone....you shouldn't
risk it, b/c the majority of those guys just want something
fast and easy...