Yes, I am a virgin.

Have I had my first real kiss yet?

No...anything else?

Sheesh...being a teen these days is difficult, but it's even more difficult when it comes to sex. Here I am stuck in a society with a sexualized media culture where one of the "in" things to do is have sex. Do I feel pressured? No. But do I want to have sex? Sure! Honestly, I can't watch a "romantic" scene in a movie without thinking I wish that were me.

Photography by Dan Strange

I feel a little envious of teens my age who have already had sex, but I'm used to it by now. I remember when I was in the fourth grade and I thought that having sex in high school would be normal. Now that I really am in high school and people all around me are having sex, it still seems normal—but it's also quite shocking how easily the topic comes up.

I hear my friends joke about how far they've gone and what "base" they are at. What bases? Since when is baseball related to sex? And if there are bases, I don't think I even left the bench yet!

Sex on the Brain

As a junior in high school, there's so much on my mind right now and so much responsibility. (Ah, the great challenges of life and growing up.) Right now I'm thinking about that next student government meeting, the SAT's, getting my first car, what I have to do for work, and the relationship I don't have.

Oh, and sex is definitely on my mind. I don't know exactly how it happened or when I first thought about it, but I think about sex often now. I'm probably more than ready, but I don't even notice it or I'm getting ahead of myself. And even if I did sit down and figure this all out, I'm faced with one small problem: no guy.

I've read stories about teens who thought they were in love and had sex with their partner, but regretted it or didn't really understand how they would really feel afterward. Thanks to that, I'm in this semi-paranoid state to pick a guy that I know won't make me regret it afterward.

And if I were to have sex right now, no one-night stands! I'm not going to have sex just to say that I finally did it. And although a relationship isn't a necessity right now, when the time comes to have sex, I'm pretty sure having someone give me attention and affection would be nice. Guys can cause stress or relieve it, and right now, they'd probably relieve it...but until I find that special guy, I'm still waiting.

Me, the Guy & the Talk

When I do find that guy, I prefer to be in some type of relationship, whether it be best friend or boyfriend. When I'm in a relationship with a guy and emotionally connected, it will make me more comfortable when we talk about...whatever you talk about...before and after sex.

Now, could someone please tell me exactly what you talk about before sex? I know you're probably going to talk about where the magic will happen, what type of contraception you will use, who will buy it, and what you will do afterward. Communication is really important to me, so I know I'll mention those things. But other than that, I don't know what to expect. (If you laugh, it's because I'm a little confused.)

And here's what I fear the most: What if sex isn't all it's cracked up to be? As of now, I'm expecting a big "WOW!" afterward, not a little "wooh." That's why I want to have a good relationship, because even if there isn't a physical feeling that can't be described by words, there is a great guy to fall back on.

Comfort Rules

Well, there are a lot of things I don't know about the first time. But if there is anything I am sure of, it's this: My first-time guy will make me feel comfortable, communicate well, and be willing to experiment. (I'm also going to set limits for myself, so things don't get out of control.) I can't say when exactly I'm going to have sex, but when I find that "special guy" who makes me feel comfortable, I'll take it from there.

I know that I am definitely going to have a nice talk with him about anything and everything we should know about each other sexually and emotionally before having sex all the way. Call it picky, call it cautious, but after I have all of the above essentials...it's party time.

*Mia Jade is a pseudonym for a 17-year-old girl who lives in New Jersey.