Masturbation: Girls, Let's Admit It

By Ana Bacic, 17, Staff Writer

Originally Published: Mar 17, 2005

Revised: Nov 8, 2010

It's freshman year. I look pretty awkward in a shirt that has something suggestive spelled out on it, and I'm hoping my padded bra will really work its over-priced wonders.

I'm with a group of classmates, several of them boys who are bragging about their bimonthly shaving and daily jerking-off ritual. Their last comment elicits "ewws" from us girls, since we're expected to act grossed out while they glorify their adolescent sexuality.

Eventually, one of the boys asks us if we ever "pet our bunnies" (what a poet!). We hesitate for a moment. We look in each other's eyes for an answer: Would it be OK to say, "Hell yes, we masturbate"? Instead, we blabber in unison, "No, that's so disgusting!" They knew from the start that we'd say no, because, well, girls just don't masturbate.

It took me two years to proudly say, "Yea, I masturbate," and to wonder why it was wrong for us girls to admit to doing something that feels so amazingly good. Masturbation doesn't make us blind. It doesn't hurt. And it certainly does not make us pregnant.

Ana Bacic
Photo by Pryde Brown

Not the Only Girl

When I first started masturbating, I felt like I was doing something wrong, something "unnatural." It was as if I was ashamed of what I was doing, even though I enjoyed it tremendously in the moment. None of my girlfriends talked about it, and everyone made it seem like girls didn't masturbate. I thought I was the only girl doing it.

Boy, was I wrong. A lot of us masturbate. We all know what's down there, and I'm sure a majority of us know what a clitoris looks like. (If you don't, play some good tunes, grab a mirror, and check yourself out. It won't hurt and it's not dirty. We all do this sometime or another.) A lot of us also know that touching ourselves near the clitoris will provoke some great sensations. Some of us have been doing this since our preteen years, while others take longer to get the hang of it.

Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress and sexual buildup. Plus, it's a private, intimate way to achieve orgasm without risking pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. When you are ready for sex, masturbation can help you learn what parts of your body are the most responsive, and what moves feel the best

Shock Yourself

So, what's stopping us? Why do we feel ashamed to explore our own bodies, and actually feel really, really great in the process? Moreover, why are we afraid to admit that we masturbate?

I'm sure we're all familiar with the sexual double standards. A boy who has frequent sex is called a "stud," and his male associates look up to him. (While a girl, we know, is called a "slut.") It's less surprising for a man to cheat on his partner, and it's common belief that men just have a raging sexuality that can't be restrained.

But just because guys need to live up to a pumped-up standard of aggressive sexuality doesn't mean that we have to be the polar opposite—meek, naïve, and sexually submissive. Just because guys need to prove and glorify their manhood through one-night stands, that doesn't mean we have to suffer from these exaggerated expectations.

Girls have bodies, too. We have the ability to orgasm (and multiple orgasm: compensation for having only a peanut-sized clitoris). And for too long we've been forced into silence and guilt about discovering and enjoying our sexuality. I'm coming out of this position, because I've realized that I'm only contributing to this suppression of my sexual expression by being silent, guilt-ridden, and shamefaced.

So, let's shock ourselves. Let's shock those oh-so-sexually liberated men, and admit, proudly and confidently, that we don't need another person to feel good about our bodies. Let's admit that we're strong enough, brave enough, and confident enough to not fear a taboo that works against us.

My name is Ana Bacic, and if it weren't for all those gorgeous men and women out there, I'd probably be in a monogamous relationship with myself.

Editors' Note: For a guy's take on masturbation, check out "Masturbation: Guys, It's Expected," by Lex Wolfe.

Your Comments

RE: sex

Posted by: SexExpert1 on Nov 28th, 2011 2:40pm

There's a lot more to deciding to have sex then just wanting
to and having a partner. It's normal to want to have sex,
but there's a lot to think about before deciding you are
ready. You might want to check out this FAQ from our Web
site on deciding to have sex:
http://www.sexetc.org/faq/deciding_sex/695

sex

Posted by: swagga on Nov 28th, 2011 12:19pm

im 15 year old and i never had sex before, i want to reall
bad, but havent find the right person to. what am i
suppossed to do about it?

Masturbating feels amazing

Posted by: stevesteve212 on Aug 31st, 2011 12:56am

I don't know why it's such a taboo. I mean, it's great I
like it a ot, but find it hard to talk about in public.

Heck Yea!!

Posted by: nightrose1oo5 on Mar 18th, 2011 8:02pm

I masturbate!!! I don't know if i would ever be able to say
that to my friends. I could tell my mom, but I haven't told
her yet. I'm 16 and I'm a virgin. as of now, it's my plan to
abstain from sex until I'm married, but learn everything i
can about it. i think it's healthy to learn about my body,
and how it responds. i can proudly say that i masturbate!!

relieved

Posted by: Wolftrainer on Dec 10th, 2010 1:30pm

I have masturbated in my preteens and thought it was bad and
I would get into major trouble if someone found out. I was
also worried if anyone would be able to tell if I did
masturbate. This makes me feel so much better about my
masturbation and that it's ok if I masturbate and it feels
good. This rests my mind completely. ;D

People Know!

Posted by: lina26 on Nov 14th, 2010 4:57pm

I masturbate, it feels amazing, and I don't even keep it a
secret! Some of my close guy friends have asked if I do, and
there's no point in lying. My guy friends have said it's a
turn-on that I'm not grossed out by it and that I'm familar
with my body. However, I'm not sure if it's something I'd
be willing to talk with my girl friends about...

I masturbate

Posted by: twilightrulzz on Aug 25th, 2010 7:08am

im 13 and i masturbate and i dont care. in india only men
are allowed to masturbate because men believe in marrying
virgins and women believe no matter wat we shud keep
themselves selves pure............. which is soso so so so
so silly!!!! but i dont care and ill masturbate and have sex
wenever i want.............

I Masturbate and I'm Proud of it!

Posted by: TheITperson on Aug 13th, 2010 6:36pm

Yes, sometimes I'm going to get horny and finger myself, or
more down there. It's a better alternative to sex and it
feels awfully good.

i can say this proudly now I MASTURBATE!!!!!!!

Posted by: emo4ever ashley on Jun 10th, 2010 6:42pm

what people dont relize is there are double standards for
everything sexual!it's okay for girls to be lesbians but not
for guys to be gay!it's okay for guys to have sex but when
girls do we are sluts!it's okay for guys to masturbate but
when girls do it it's considered wrong? and i think this is
wrong!

Masturbation

Posted by: viaamtrak on May 28th, 2010 10:39am

I think that we make too big of a deal about masturbation in
general. Everyone tries to do it at some time, but, yet, we
demean those who admit to it. Recently I found a site about
masturbation events (adults only) for charity. I think that
it is a good idea for one reason: it makes it a subject that
is not evil when something good can be had of it.

Masturbation: Girls, Let's Admit It

Not the Only Girl

Shock Yourself

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