Pregnant and Confused: How to Deal

By Gregg Bernhardt, 17, Staff Writer

Originally Published: Feb 24, 2004

Revised: Oct 26, 2010

When Katherine Rolon found out she was pregnant, her first thought was, "My mother is going to kill me."

She was so afraid to tell her parents about her pregnancy that she kept it a secret for weeks. A close friend finally told Katherine's mother for her.

 "I was afraid I wouldn't have my mom's support and that's what I needed most,'' says Katherine, 18.

Her mother's reaction surprised her. She didn't freak out or kick Katherine out of the house.

"My mom left it up to me," says Katherine. "She said she would support me in whatever I decided. My dad supported me, too. Having that support gave me the courage to keep my baby."

Photo by Dan Strange

Afraid to Tell

Pregnancy can be totally scary, especially if you're afraid your parents will disown you or your friends will drop you. But some pregnant teens discover that their family and friends are the best place to turn when they have a major problem like pregnancy.

And it's better than having something terrible happen. Babies of teen mothers are more likely than others to be killed during the first year of life, according to a National Institute of Child Health and Human Development study. Researchers think part of the reason is some teens are so afraid they hide the pregnancy and birth.

While it's totally natural to be afraid to tell someone about your pregnancy, keeping this major secret isn't the answer. You could end up hurting yourself and your baby. That's why it's really important for you to talk to your parents if you become pregnant, says Lee Doyle, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Arkansas College of Medicine.

Talk to Someone

But what if, for some reason, it's absolutely impossible for you to talk to your parents?

Look for another trusted adult—an aunt or uncle, older cousin, a friend of your parents, a neighbor, grandparents, or other relatives, advises Doyle, who has worked with pregnant teens for 25 years. Or, how about a teacher, guidance counselor, pastor, or school nurse? If there's no one you know and trust, then turn to a reputable community organization, says Doyle.

"Planned Parenthood's local clinics are well-known to be teen friendly,'' she says, adding that they charge only what you can afford to pay and they keep quiet about your visit.

You can also find out if your school has a clinic or counseling center. Or, you can check in the phone book under "Pregnancy Counseling" or "Crisis Pregnancy Counseling," advises Doyle. These centers can help you look at all your options—abortion, adoption, and parenting.

But be careful. Some centers have their own agendas—usually to talk you out of having an abortion, if that's what you're considering.

Ads for these types of counseling centers generally use words like "abortion education information" or "abortion alternatives." If you know absolutely that you don't want an abortion, then you can use these centers. They'll provide information on parenting and adoption. Otherwise, steer clear.

Katherine says her life is different now that she's a parent. But she's still happy she talked to her parents and friends about her pregnancy.

"My mother has been the most supportive person in my life," says Katherine.

For help in finding pregnancy counseling or contraception, call Planned Parenthood at 1-800-230-PLAN (7526) or click here. They also have a guide for helping you figure out what to do if you become pregnant. Check it out here.

Am I Pregnant?

Usually, the first clue that you might be pregnant is missing your period, although you can miss a period because of illness, stress, or major changes in your life. It’s also possible to have a light period and still be pregnant. Other common signs of pregnancy are sore or tender breasts, nausea and vomiting, having to urinate frequently, and fatigue.

You may have any or all of these signs or none. Everyone's different. That's why it's important to have a pregnancy test as soon as you miss your first period or if you've had a lighter-than-normal period and are experiencing other signs of pregnancy. The most private way to do that is with an at-home pregnancy test. These kits, available at most drugstores, generally let you take the test as early as the day after you were supposed to get your period.

If the test is positive, you should see your doctor or go to a clinic that provides pregnancy testing and pre-natal care. They can confirm your pregnancy and help you explore your options.

Editors' Note: If you've had unprotected sex and think you might be pregnant, you can get emergency contraception that can prevent pregnancy even after having unprotected sex. But you have to act quickly. Emergency contraception must be taken within 5 days of unprotected intercourse. For more info click here.

Some helpful Web sites for pregnant teens are www.momdadimpregnant.com and www.menandabortion.com.

 

Your Comments

16weeks pregnant

Posted by: Shannon.ProudTeenMummy on Feb 9th, 2011 4:51pm

heey, im 15 and 16weeks pregnant. i strongly disagree with
abortion, and i would'nt dream of giving my baby up, but im
concerened about how i am going to cope with being a mummy,
ive had my first scan, and it was the most amazing thing
ever, and on the 28th im hopefully going to find out the sex
of my baby. and im over the moon, my family are ok with it
now, and my boyfreind (who is 17 on the 18th) is very happy
eswell. im just scared about being a mum, worried i wont be
any good.

It might hinder,but not stop

Posted by: selene 18 2010 on Aug 22nd, 2010 3:50pm

I'm soo sorry pookie cookie I recently had an miscarriage 3
days after I graduated, I was afraid to tell my mother, who
is a single parent of 3. That I was, she found out and
supported me,she wasn't happy, but she knew that wouldn't
stop me from going to school. Ultimately it is your choice
on what to do. I wish you wouldn't of done it, there are so
many women who want a kid and have miscarriages or can't
conceive, it might hinder your plans, but in no way is it
your fault or a curse.

becomin a teen mom

Posted by: aly1313 on Mar 3rd, 2010 5:11am

i had twinz myself. but i wud tell every gurl who thinks
shes pregnant to go to a doctor and get tested. my parents
threatened to disown me but my bf (who wasnt the babys
father) suported me and now i hav to baby gurlz and im still
able to get a education.if u think ur pregnant tell somone u
trust they will help u unconditionally

none

Posted by: Dflores on Oct 8th, 2009 7:31pm

I'm 16 yrs old, about to be 2 months pregnant and i still
haven't told my mother. She is a single mother and money is
already tight. Also i haven't told the father but i know his
family would be supportive but he'll probably try to deny
it. My family on the other hand would go on an anger fit
because I'm "the smart, talented one".I am against abortion,
but i don't want to do it alone and not be able to succeed
and do what i want in life.

RE: I'm just not Sure

Posted by: DanR on Jul 15th, 2009 8:25am

I think the first step here is to find out if you are
definitely pregnant or not. You can purchase a home
pregnancy test at your local pharmacy (CVS or Eckert) or you
can go to your local clinic and have one done. Check out
our Get Tested page to find a clinic near you. If you are
pregnant, from there you will have to decide what you want
to do (be a teen parent, have an abortion, or give the baby
up for adoption). Once you have decided you will then need
to talk to your Dad. Good Luck!

I'm just not Sure

Posted by: HunterNicole on Jul 12th, 2009 3:52pm

Umm. This is kinda weird because i do not know you and i am
15 years old buti need some kind of help or advise and by
your article it seems like you may be able to help me. I'm
not 100% sure that i am actually pregnent but thinking about
it 24/7 is driving me insane what should i do? I know my dad
would kill me. He always says his job in life is to make
sure his kids graduate without having a baby. And i'm scared
i may have ruined that. I don't know what to do. If you have
advise please hele me.

Hey lilshaka420!

Posted by: Chulaprincess95 on Apr 23rd, 2009 2:18pm

So sorry to hear that. You could try giving your baby up for
adoption and let a friend take care of it for you.

RE: it happend to me

Posted by: Lady_ASP on Apr 21st, 2009 7:18pm

That's horrible >_< They shouldn't have done that...abortion
is to not give the baby a shot at life, you could have at
least put it up for adoption, but hearing about your family
being unsupportive about the whole pregnancy thing, I'm
sorry.

RE: it happend to me

Posted by: DanR on Dec 11th, 2008 12:33pm

I am so sorry that you went through this. I hope that you
have some positive, supportive people in your life who are
helping you to deal with everything. Best of luck to you!

Scared out of my mind

Posted by: Bryant10 on Dec 9th, 2008 1:06am

I'm 17 and me and my BF had unprotected sex and i'm really
hoping i'm not prego because I'm going off to college and
that would put a real big dent in his and my indiviual plans
and we have talked about it and everything but we came up
with we don't believe in abortions but we don't want a baby

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