Here’s the scene. You’re home alone with your honey and things are getting hot and heavy. Before this goes too far, though, you slam on the brakes and ask, “Where’s the condom?” Your partner shrugs and says, “That’s your job.”

Huh? Since when were you appointed your partner’s keeper? But someone’s gotta get the contraception—or you have to decide to abstain from sex. So, whose job is it?

“Some girls are afraid to ask guys to use contraception,” says Matt Klein, 17. “Girls are often intimidated by the guys and don’t want to try and force them to do anything.”

“Personally, I’m not afraid to ask any guy to use protection, because I feel I’m worth too much to be risking my life over some guy who’s too childish to take precautions,” counters 17-year-old Jenee Durieux.  “If he doesn’t want to use protection, he doesn’t want me.”

Teens today face enough “regular” problems—passing geometry, for one—that we don’t need to be worrying about sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies. We would be OK, if we all made a little promise to “do the right thing” (as Spike Lee would say). That means opting for abstinence or using protection—condoms and another form of contraception—100 percent of the time.

Still, way too many teens dis the contraception discussion and go straight for the pleasure.

“Guys don’t feel the pressure of pregnancy as keenly as girls, so they don’t feel as responsible about contraception,” says Robert, 16.

“You got that right,” adds Kim McClelland, 17. “Guys are less insistent about it, because they don’t want to ’lose the feeling’ during sex.”

But 16-year-old Damon disagrees. “Hey, pregnancy is not just a concern for the woman,” he says. “Both partners are responsible for an unplanned pregnancy, so that means both partners should deal with the issue—and that includes contraception.”

Sometimes, though, both guys and girls feel weird talking about it.

“People are embarrassed by the subject. They don’t want to appear eager to bring it up. If you just start talking about whose responsibility a condom is, you’d sound very...premeditated,” giggles a 16-year-old female.

But should you let something this precious “just happen”? The best answer?

“Both partners are responsible for contraception,” says Karisa Merritts, 17. 

“When it comes to safe sex it takes two people to have sex and so it means those two should accept all responsibilities,” adds 17-year-old Sheldon Muldrow.

But how do you  make this ideal of shared responsibility a reality? Communicate! You may not be your partner’s keeper, but you are “partners.” That means being able to talk to each other, so you can be prepared with protection, if you decide to have sex. That discussion should involve things like your relationship, expectations, what each person wants and contraception.

We know these things are easier said than done. But we may get only one chance to make the right decision. So, if you are having sex, or thinking about it, you need to be comfortable enough to talk to your partner. If you’re not ready to talk, you’re not ready for sex.