Many teens are afraid to talk to their partners if they suspect they have a sexually transmitted disease (STD) like human papillomavirus (HPV). HPV is a common virus that over 75 percent of sexually active Americans will contract at some point in their lives. There are more than 100 strands, and most people will never know they have it because the body’s immune system automatically gets rid of it. The more serious strands, however, can cause genital warts and cervical, penile, vaginal, vulvar and anal cancers.

Whether talking about HPV or some other STD with their partner, teens worry about rejection and judgment. But as teenagers, we must realize that it is vital to talk about STDs in our relationships. This makes things safer for both parties.

Sex, Etc. gathered stories from two teens who have dealt with HPV in their relationships. These teens did talk about it with their partners. Listen to their advice. Sometimes their relationships worked out; sometimes they didn’t. But both teens agree that it was important to talk to their partners.

[These teens’ names have been excluded and some identifying details have been changed to protect their privacy. —Eds.]

I’ve always used condoms for sex, which was two times in my life—how nice. I didn’t ever expect that I could get HPV. I didn’t even know a lot about it and thought, “Well, I used a condom; it’s cool.” Not so, apparently. I left the country that I was in and lost contact with the people I had sex with. I thought I WOULDN’T be happy with anyone again ’cause I could make them sick. But after awhile, I found a girlfriend (yes, I’m male). Now I’ve told my partner, but she says she is OK with it and still loves me. (Wow, I never thought I’d hear that again.) And if anything happens we do plan on being as safe as we can. It’s scary, and I’ve told her I’m scared for her. Since she is a virgin, too; how much of a drag would it be if her first partner was “unclean”? I have been tested for all other STDs. So far, I’m OK, but it doesn’t seem very fair that a guy that’s been careful still has to face this.

—20-year-old, Vancouver, Canada

I have had three partners—all long-term, serious relationships. At age 17, I discovered “skin tag”-like warts on and around my vaginal opening. I figured it was an allergic reaction to a bubble bath or something. After a week of no improvements, I did research on genital warts on the Internet. I told my mother. We went to the doctor, and I am now undergoing treatment. I was able to trace the source of my STD to my first boyfriend and first partner. He had no idea he was carrying the virus (since there are often no symptoms for guys).

I called him and told him what I had, what he had, what he should do (tell his past partners), treatment he should seek and other key facts. He had no idea he had it. He was angry, and he refused to tell the 10+ people he slept with. Then I called my most recent ex. I was screamed at and cursed, and he even threatened to kill me. It brought out a side I had never seen. I can’t lie. It is hard to tell someone, especially when you get such a harsh reaction. It was embarrassing, heartbreaking and shameful.

Now to my third partner—my fiancé. I have infected him. He, unlike me, waited for “the one” before having sex. I never once thought that I would be capable of transmitting a disease to him. Yes, I gave my love an STD. The “perfect” varsity soccer player with “perfect” grades. But we found out that knowledge/education and communication is key. I have HPV. So does my fiancé. His past: 0 partners. My past: 2 partners. All protected sex. We have HPV, but we will get through it together.
—17-year-old, Santa Cruz, CA

What the Expert Says

We asked Mitch Herndon, program manager of the American Social Health Association (ASHA), to answer a few questions about STD-related issues in teenage relationships. We put together his most insightful suggestions. (There just wasn’t enough room to share everything he said!) Call ASHA’s STI Resource Center Hotline at 1-800-227-8922 or visit www.ashastd.org for more info on STDs.

Sex, Etc.: What is the most important thing you should do if you discover that you have an STD?

Mitch Herndon: You should make sure to see your health care provider and receive the appropriate testing and treatment. Also, some teens may not want to hear this, but you should consider talking to a parent, teacher, counselor, guardian or adult whom you trust. It’s normal for a young person to feel uncomfortable about this type of thing, but a trusted adult may be able to offer helpful insight and perspective. [To find out how to get tested, click here.]

Sex, Etc.: Does the severity of the disease change the attitude that teen couples may have about staying together?

MH: Individual attitudes vary, but yes. There are many misconceptions and preconceived notions about STDs, and many people—teens and otherwise—have inaccurate information. Some people think that one STD is not as bad as it is or think that it is worse than it really is. For example, some incorrectly believe that the incurable STDs are bad and the curable STDs are not, but if a curable STD—chlamydia, for example—is left undetected and untreated, serious complications can result.

Sex, Etc.: What can you do to keep your partner in the relationship?

MH: Being open and honest about one’s feelings is best, but sometimes continuing the relationship is not necessarily the best option for either partner. In short, an STD alone should not make or break a relationship; there are numerous other factors that would play a larger role in determining the fate of a relationship.

Sex, Etc.: What should you do if you think your partner will become violent toward you if you tell?

MH: This is where the risks of being in an abusive relationship, or one that is felt to be potentially abusive—there are warning signs—outweigh the need for communication between the two. We would encourage anyone in this type of situation to speak with a trusted adult or seek appropriate referrals in their local area, or both. There are many local and national referral sources, including crisis hotlines designed for individuals in an abusive relationship or those who have been victims of domestic violence, assault or rape. In short, the first priority here is your personal safety. [For resources, click here—Eds.]

Sex, Etc.: If you do break up, should you tell the next person you date?

MH: We don’t feel that someone should feel pressured into talking with a partner. Use the dating process to get a feel for when to broach the subject. We recommend talking about the condition before any sexual contact takes place. Try and get a feel for what the partner may want from the relationship. For example, are they looking for a short fling, or perhaps showing signs that they may be interested in something more serious?  Talking with a partner shows honesty and trust; both are important for any good, healthy relationship.  

To learn more about HPV and other STDs, check out our Frequently Asked Questions.