Be proud! This is a statement you might not hear very often when it comes to teens and their sexuality. Sure you hear a lot about sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies, but what about the good parts of being young and discovering your sexuality? 

My own sexual self-discovery started with simply being curious about my body, my emotions and myself — long before I was sexually active.

At first, I was embarrassed about my sexuality and afraid to talk openly to guys or girls about it. But I learned in the middle of my sophomore year that a lot of people were going through the same emotional and physical changes that I was. So I started talking to my friends about my body. They would often shy away, but I was persistent!

Being able to talk to people helped me gain confidence in expressing my interest in issues I wanted to explore. I discovered that my sexuality is important to who I am. It shapes my social life, affects my emotional state and is often an explanation for what is happening to my body physically.

My First Time

When I had my first "serious" relationship in high school, I learned a lot about my ability to handle a romantic relationship. At first, I thought I had to constantly impress my boyfriend for him to like me. I wore certain clothes to please him, said certain things to make sure he liked me. It took awhile for me to understand that it was important to be able to be myself in a relationship — not only for me, but for my partner, too. Otherwise, how would he get to know the real me?

For me, sex was nothing like I imagined it to be. When I decided to have sex, I believed with all my might that I was in love and would be in a heavenly state during and after the "deed." I was wrong. Although my first time was enjoyable physically, I didn't know myself well enough to embrace the huge emotional aspect of the act. After the let down, I realized something was missing from the sex — namely, knowing myself, my body and being able to express what I wanted.  

The Importance of Sexual Self-Discovery

It's important to remember that the journey through sexual self-discovery doesn't have to include sex. Masturbation and even dressing up are parts of our sexuality that we often keep closeted. But we shouldn't be afraid to explore these areas because they help us figure out who we are and what we want. That exploration, in turn, helps us feel comfortable with ourselves, which will lead to smarter choices all around.

After my first serious relationship ended, for example, I decided to be really honest with any future partners, instead of behaving in ways I thought would make a guy happy and make the relationship last longer. I finally understood that trying to make someone happy wasn't going to make me happy. I realized that my feelings are important and should be respected, which meant not allowing anyone to take advantage of me, mentally, physically or emotionally. I also became more comfortable with my body and could ask for things that felt good, without being scared.

My Confidence Soared

This confidence led to improvements in other parts of my life, like becoming more assertive and politically active. I marched at the March for Women's lives in 2004 in Washington D.C. It was a great feeling to express my civic views as a good citizen and stand up for my rights.

The important thing to remember is that discovering yourself sexually is all part of growing up, and can be fun. Finding and embracing your sexuality can range from accepting the fact that you masturbate to figuring out that you want to postpone sex until you're married. Recognizing who you are sexually can help you set limits and guide your social interactions.

So take time to learn about yourself. And then make choices based on who you are. This way, you'll never be ashamed of your sexuality.