We recently read Tara Roberts’ new book, What Your Mama Never Told You: True Stories About Sex and Love. Tara is a former Sex, Etc. managing editor and all about empowering young women. What Your Mama Never Told You features personal essays written by women of color about everything from body image to masturbation and bisexuality.


But this book isn’t just for young women of color; it appeals to all teens, including guys. It gives guys the chance to read about what women really think, and ironically, guys can relate to a lot of the emotions described in the book.

We read the book with fellow Sex, Etc. editor Joshua Dickinson and Sex, Etc. editorial assistant Monica Rozenfeld, and we were so intrigued that we wanted to talk with a few of the writers. So we chatted online with Tara and three contributors to her book: Josslyn Luckett, Asata Reid and Lucinda Holt, the current managing editor of Sex, Etc. The online chat was full of laughs and honest discussion about everything under sun. We decided to fill you in on the good time we had by sharing some of the chat. And don’t take our word for how good the book is. Pick up your own copy here and read it for yourself!

Tara: I’d really love to hear what you guys thought of the book.
Natasha: I thought the book was great! All my friends at school can’t wait to read it. I loved the fact that I could relate to so many of the stories.
Tara: Which ones did you really relate to?
Natasha: “Stacked”—the story about a girl who has big “jugs.” After reading it, I felt so much more comfortable with what God has blessed me with. I used to be ashamed and tried everything in my power to hide them, but now I embrace them, lol.

Chelsea: Asata, I really related to your story.
Asata: That’s very cool. Why?
Chelsea: Well, coming to terms with my own bisexuality was really hard for me at first. But when you said in the story that it’s not about labeling...it’s about having the capacity to love a PERSON, no matter what their sex...amazing.
Asata: We get so caught up in causes we forget we’re talking about PEOPLE with emotions.
Josslyn: A person, not an orientation...I loved that.
Chelsea: Exactly.

Josh: I really enjoyed “Thank You, Sweet Pedro.” That story helped break down all the negativity and ideas of filth that are often associated with oral sex.
Tara: I love that you’re a part of the conversation, Josh. How did you feel reading it as a guy?
Josh: It was different. It allowed me to step inside a girl’s mind for once and see that they have a lot of the same insecurities. I was excited and a little embarrassed because I could identify at the same time.
Josh: I feel like a lot of times women are underrepresented in books. It was nice for once, as a guy, to see in literature a girl having sex and really enjoying it.
Asata: lol, good point. There’s not enough writing about women—young or old—ENJOYING sex, being FREE with sex and being in touch with their own bodies. You’re absolutely right.

Tara: I’m also curious about you, Chelsea. Since you’re not African-American, did you have any trouble relating to the stories?
Chelsea: Honestly, at first I thought I might, but I really didn’t once I started reading.There is some aspect in nearly every story that I think is universal...every girl deals with so many of these issues.

Josslyn: Do most of you talk with your parents about a book like this or not?
Chelsea: I enjoyed talking with my mom about it. It makes it easier to talk about ourselves when we see that other people have experienced similar situations. My mom read many of the stories, and it seemed like she could relate just as much as I, at 18, could.

Tara: I always feel so grateful that there are women out there who are willing to tell the truth.Talking about your sexuality in a real way is still pretty taboo.
Monica: Did anyone hesitate to contribute?
Asata: I hesitated. I didn’t want to be the "spokesperson" for bisexuals. And I didn’t want the story to come back and bite me in the butt years later. … You know, when I run for president. lol.

Josh: Hey, Lucinda, since writing your piece, what hopes do you have for you and Lena’s [your daughter’s] relationship in the future? And do you still have fears when it comes time for puberty?
Lucinda: I want to be as open and honest as I can with Lena because silence around sex and sexuality is lethal.
Josslyn: Amen.
Josh: Very true. … I related to the part when you were reading the parenting book on children who touch their genitals. My three-year-old sis does it, and I never know what to say.

Lucinda: I hate that girls get shamed for masturbating or touching themselves.
Chelsea: That’s what I love about this book! It really celebrates masturbation in several of the stories.
Tara: Can I just say…there was only supposed to be one masturbation story.
Monica: So why isn’t there just one masturbation story?
Tara: It kept coming up as a way toward sexual empowerment. I think masturbation is so important for girls to be able to learn and love their bodies. The taboo around masturbation is insane to me.
Chelsea: What bothers me is that it IS taboo for girls, but not so much for guys.

Josslyn: I feel like it’s still tough to talk about God and sex.
Tara: Some religious institutions have done a number on women’s sexuality.
Josh: Yes!!
Monica: What would you say to girls who are discovering their sexuality, but see it as wrong because of their religion or upbringing?
Asata: If you believe in a God, you have to believe your Creator is above human discrimination.
Josslyn: I actually heard a progressive minister the other day say, “As your pastor I’ll request abstinence, but I’ll insist on safe sex”...I thought that was hot. … God wants our joy and pleasure and health. That’s what I keep reminding myself.

Lucinda: Why would you recommend What Your Mama Never Told You to a friend?
Chelsea: It’s funny, it’s personal, it’s important.
Monica: I just think a lot of times we think we’re the only one in a situation or that there’s no one who understands us. But then you read this and each story helps each of us figure our self out in a way.
Chelsea: Similar to what Monica said, reading the book makes you feel…less alone with something you might be struggling with.
Josh: This book is much needed.
Asata: And yet books like this are rare.
Josslyn: I recommend it to all women of all ages ’cause there’s often little injuries or silences that pop up later in life, and we realize we still haven’t healed them—addressed them. This book gives so many examples of healing…examples that give us courage.