Should I have sex?

That’s the question on many teenagers’ minds in this day and age, including mine. I wonder if I should have sex, and when the right time would be. Right now, I don’t engage in sexual intercourse mainly because of my religious beliefs, morals, and fear of pregnancy and regret. I want to wait until I’m married, and abstain from the possibility of pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease (STD).

Photography by Dan Strange

Some people think abstinence means you abstain from all sexual activity. I, myself, and many others, believe you only have to abstain from sexual intercourse.

I’m proud of the decisions I’ve made in the past. I’ve been asked before to have intercourse out of the clear blue. Sometimes I was asked in the heat of the moment, but I backed out every time. Here’s why I declined.

Faith and Fear

My religion is everything to me. I’m Pentecostal (Christian), and I don’t believe in premarital sex. My religion strongly disapproves of sexual intercourse before marriage. If I had sex, I’d feel like I let God down and abandoned what were once my strong moral beliefs. My morals set me apart from everyone I know. If I threw my morals away, I’d look like a fool and a hypocrite.

I feel that intercourse is something very special, another form of showing how much you love the one you’re with. I’ve always thought, “It sure would be magical to have sex for the first time on my wedding night or honeymoon.” I truly believe that a person should only have one sexual partner for his or her entire life.

“If you only have sex with one person, you’ll never know what anyone else was like,” my best friend says.

Sure, he’s right in a way. As far as I can tell, though, it doesn’t matter what anyone else would be like. If you’ve abstained from sex until you’re married, and you’re madly in love with your spouse, that thought will never cross your mind.

Fear of pregnancy is another reason I abstain from sex. Sure, STDs are something to fear, but you trust the other person to let you know if they have any infections. My friends and I don’t worry about STDs. We honestly don’t take them into consideration because we don’t think it can happen to us. We don’t sleep around, and we only engage in foreplay with the ones we love and trust.

But if a guy gets a girl pregnant, it can ruin both of their lives. I can’t imagine anything worse, in this world, than worrying if your girlfriend is pregnant. I’m still a virgin, and I’ve worried about it before because of what went on during foreplay. The only way to know for sure is to abstain from intercourse.

I’m naturally a pessimistic person, so having sex would really drive me over the edge. I wouldn’t think about how special intercourse felt, I’d worry about whether or not she’s pregnant. Instead of counting down the days until I see her again, I’ll count down the days until her next period. Some guys don’t care, but I don’t want to go through it.

A True Test

But right now, my beliefs on abstinence are being tested. I’m currently in a relationship with the most wonderful, beautiful girl in the world, and I love her with all my heart. The topic of sex comes up frequently. She’s sixteen and I’m eighteen and, honestly, she’s more ready than I am.

Should I have sex? I don't want to put her in danger. And I only want to have one sexual partner. I hope that we’ll always be together.

Sometimes I think: if we were to have sex, and she broke up with me after, I wouldn’t regret it. I’d know that I was in love with her, and realize that I took a chance. I’d look back and know that experienced such a special thing with such a special person.

The most important thing to everyone should be his or her religion. If I give in, I guess it will mean that my love for her is more important -- and that is wrong. On the other hand, if I end up still a virgin, then so be it. No one knows what the future holds.

But I know it won’t be a spur-of-the-moment decision. I’ve thought about it enough to make a good choice. It’s important to be honest with yourself. And if I’m honest with myself, I’m honest with my religion, too.

Jason Estes, 18, is a Sex, Etc. Contributor from Pennsylvania.

Editors’ Note: Having unprotected oral sex, especially with different partners, can definitely put you at risk for getting or giving an STD. Herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital warts, HIV, and Hepatitis B can all be transmitted through unprotected oral sex. People who have STDs often have no idea they are infected because they look and feel perfectly healthy. The infection can be on the skin of someone's genitals (penis, scrotum, or vulva) or in their semen or vaginal fluids. Also, people who have an infection in the mouth can pass that along to their sexual partners' genitals.

The only 100% effective way to protect yourself against STDs is to abstain from oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse, but if you decide to have oral sex, you need to use protection. For oral sex on a male, use a latex condom to cover the penis. They make flavored and unlubricated condoms for just this purpose. For oral sex on females, either cut open a condom into a square of latex or use a dental dam to put a barrier between her skin and fluids and your mouth.

Most importantly, get the facts about STDs.