My journey began in a library during freshman year biology. Our class was supposed to be doing research for our thesis papers, but my new friend Tara and I decided to sit and talk instead. The conversation started off lightly, but quickly became about sex, as do many teenage discussions.

When I told her I had nothing to really contribute since I had never kissed a boy before, she was shocked. She began digging deeper, making me more and more uncomfortable. After all, I thought oral sex was talking dirty on the telephone and that “69” was a plain old number.

I didn’t want to seem like a loser, though, so I let the conversation continue. I said I would never hook up with a boy, never let him touch my breasts, or ever let someone go “downtown.” 

Tara couldn’t believe what she was hearing. In order to prove to her that I was innocent and intended on staying so, I made a bet that I would never perform oral sex or have it performed on me, and that I would not lose my virginity before marriage. 

My fear of inexperience and my belief that I should be in love before having sex led me to this decision. I felt I was too emotionally immature to deal with a relationship of that sexual status.  

A Different View

About a year after the infamous library conversation, I received a phone call that changed my life forever. As I walked inside after tennis practice, my father told me a boy named Dylan* had called and asked for me to call him back. The only Dylan I could think of was a senior at school. What would a senior want with me? 

After a brief conversation, it turned out Dylan wanted to hang out later that night. Since I already had a friend coming over, I invited him to come as well. The three of us had an ordinary evening together, just sitting around watching TV and talking. It wasn’t until my friend left that things got interesting.

Within minutes of her departure, Dylan and I kissed. This kiss would not only spark a make-out session on my couch, but also a 10-month long relationship, ended by Dylan moving away for college.  

As our feelings for each other grew during this time, and we became more emotionally connected, the physical part of our relationship escalated as well. I not only lost every bet Tara and I had made, but I became a whole new person. I was no longer the innocent girl in the library; I was an experienced and responsible young woman. 

My Choice

My decision to have sex came about from many factors, but the driving force was love.  I always thought that marriage and sex went along with being in love. I never expected to find myself in love at age 16. (I think it rarely happens.) Nevertheless, I knew this was the ultimate way for Dylan and me to express our feelings for each other.  

The decision to have sexual intercourse was one of the easiest choices I’ve ever made and yet one of the most complicated. We discussed the situation in great detail beforehand—for he, too, was waiting for the right person. We decided on what type of contraception to use, how to go about getting it, how to use it properly, and what we’d do if anything went wrong. 

We consulted books, pamphlets, doctors, friends, or anything we found helpful, except our parents. We felt too uncomfortable and thought our parents would overreact and not understand the situation. Some may think this isn’t the most romantic way to go about things, but it definitely was the safest and smartest.   

While many of you reading this may think I’m encouraging you to do the same as me, I’m definitely not. It was a personal choice that I made when I was ready. I was in love and chose to express my feelings in a physical way. 

Even though I’m no longer as sexually innocent as I used to be, I still make smart choices about my sexual health. I choose my relationships carefully and talk to my doctor about contraceptive options, in case I become sexually active again. 

I may no longer be a virgin, but that doesn’t mean I have to have another sexual relationship ever again. I’m proud of not only who I am now, but also of the fact that I haven’t had any sexual relations since Dylan. He’ll always have a special place in my heart, but I know I’m not ready yet to be involved again with anyone, on any level, and that’s all that matters.

* Name has been changed to protect privacy.