“Masturbating for me is a way to release some tension during the day. It feels great! How else are we supposed to deal with our raging hormones?”
—David, 17, PA
Knowledge Is the Best Protection
Originally Published: Apr 1, 2002
Revised: Nov 1, 2006
The debate over how teens should learn about sex rages on in America.
On one side are supporters of programs called “abstinence-only,” “abstinence-until-marriage,” or “stress abstinence,” who think students require constant reminders of the need to abstain from (not have) all sexual activity. These programs often do not mention contraception or condoms (if they do, they focus on their failure rates) and often rely on fear or scare tactics.
Photo by Mat Linek
On the other side are supporters of “comprehensive sex ed,” who think students, particularly in high school, should learn about the advantages of abstinence as well as the benefits of using reliable forms of contraception, if or when they have sex. These programs usually rely on open discussions rather than lectures and portray sexuality as a positive aspect of life.
But here’s the important question: What do teens think is the best way to teach students about sex?
Give teens the most comprehensive, honest, and accurate information on contraception, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), abortion, pregnancies, teen parenting, and sex regrets. Don’t overemphasize that sex is a ’bad’ thing. Emphasize that sex is a weighty decision to make, involving many factors (some painful), and that teens have the option to abstain.
Take away the mystery and tell them exactly what sex is. So, even if they choose to have sex, they are well informed and, hopefully, well protected.”
—Lalitha Chandrasekher, 17
“The best way to teach teens to make the right choice for themselves —whether that means abstaining from sex or practicing safer sex—is to give them honest, accurate information. Being fully knowledgeable about the physical and emotional consequences of sex helps teens to make the decision that’s right for them.
Educating teens to practice safer sex is essential—even for those who decide to wait—because when they finally become sexually active, they will need to understand their bodies and how to protect themselves, and others.”
—Elizabeth Marchetta, 17
“Safer sex and abstinence should be taught hand-in-hand. In the first two years of high school, students should be taught that the number one way to prevent pregnancy and STIs is abstinence. However, they should also be taught that if they chose not to abstain they should be responsible, using protection. Teens need to be taught that having sex is nothing to be ashamed of, and neither is buying a condom. In fact, it is smart, safe, and responsible.
It is a common misconception that all teens are having sex. The sex-ed class should stress that this is only a myth. Overall, teens need to be taught to love and respect themselves and their bodies, and not do anything to violate that respect.”
—Kehinde Togun, 18
“To teach only abstinence is to put students in a dangerous position, because it tells them what to do, rather than how to make informed, educated decisions on their own.
At a certain age, students will need to make choices about sex. If the only thing they’ve been taught is abstinence, then they won’t have the knowledge that’s necessary should they decide to have sex. As a result, they will make poor decisions about birth control and protection against STDs.
Teens need to learn how to use condoms and birth control. If they’re denied this information, it doesn’t mean they will abstain from sex. It simply means they won’t be smart about their decisions.”
—Scott Doyle, 18
“The best way to delay sexual activity (and teach abstinence) is to increase teens’ sense of self-worth. More importantly, students should understand the length of time they have to be sexually active. Just because they don’t have sex in high school, it doesn’t mean they won’t in college or beyond.
Scare tactics and statistics may work to delay activity in some, but to truly delay teen sex, educators must work from the inside out with teens to remove the need for attention.
A comprehensive sex-ed program, covering all the bases, is the best option. Students must learn about the infections that threaten in unsafe sex, and the overwhelming benefits of contraception. This covers the ’if abstinence is not going to happen for you, here’s what you do’ area of sex ed. Educators must recognize that both parts are vital to a complete education.”
—Sarah Otner, 18
“It is a natural teen instinct to defy authority figures. The more pressure teens are put under not to have sex, the more likely they will engage in it. Therefore, sex should be talked about openly.
Teens should be taught the pros and cons of sex at their age. From this, they are free to make their own decisions. (Hopefully, they will realize that the cons outweigh the pros.)
If teens decide to have sex, they should use protection. Schools should make contraceptives available, and stress their effectiveness in preventing pregnancy and STDs. This will ensure teens’ health and safety.”
—Joleen Rivera, 18
“The best way to teach teens to abstain from sex is to teach about the consequences and responsibilities of sexual activity. Those considering sex may realize that the STIs, chance of pregnancy, and emotional burdens that come with sex may not be worth it. They may realize that their methods of birth control/STD protection aren’t safe.
If they learn not to have sex until they’re truly ready—or how to have safer sex if they decide to have sex—it will stick with them better. Parents and teachers need to be more open and less afraid to answer questions.”
—Loryn Cozzi, 17
“Teens do not want to be preached to about abstinence. Not only do we get tired of hearing it, but if abstinence is the only thing taught then the teens who want to be or are already sexually active won’t be educated.
Safer sex must be taught. We need to know where to get and how to use contraception. Without this information, contraception is useless.
We need to be told that safer sex not only prevents against pregnancy, but also STDs. Many teens don’t think about STIs, which leads them to have unsafe sex. Students should be given all the information that they deserve.”
—Emily Chaloner, 16
“Make abstinence a choice—not a demand or the ’only answer.’ This lets teens see that they do have a choice in what to do with their bodies. Many teens like the feeling of independence, and being able to make their own decisions, so present abstinence as a good and healthy choice, and not just what parents and teachers want teens to do.
Give a balance of pros for abstinence and cons for having sex early. This gives teens a look at what good can come out of delaying sex, instead of only filling their minds with STD statistics and pregnancy rates.”
—Andrea Lee, 15
“In a perfect world, abstinence-only sex ed would work; it would easily convince teens to wait until marriage. But we don’t live in a perfect world. The bottom line is that teens are going to do what they want sexually, regardless of what adults tell them.
People should only make big decisions after they’ve weighed the positives and negatives. How can anyone make a good decision without all the facts? Explain to teens all the contraceptive methods, and how to use each one.
Teens are young adults, and if they feel mature enough to engage in sexual activity, then they should be given the information they need to keep themselves safe. Adults aren’t stopping teen sex by not giving teens information. Consequently, teens are not abstaining from sex—they’re having it in a more dangerous fashion, without the proper knowledge.”
—Christina C., 18
“The harsh reality is that teens will experiment with sex no matter what, so why would we render them helpless by denying them the skills they need to make mature and wise decisions?
We claim that a person is not ready for sex until he or she has reached adulthood, but what is adulthood? Most would agree that it is defined by our ability to deal wisely with difficult decisions and accept the responsibilities of our actions.
With this in mind, it is obvious that comprehensive sex education is a necessity. When faced with a sexual decision, teens should be armed with the tools they need to make adult decisions and act responsibly. Keeping teens in a state of perpetual childhood is not going to erase the influences of sexuality. If anything, it is going to enhance its appeal.”
—Megan Esteves, 17
“Knowledge is the best protection against bad decision-making. All the missing information about sex must be filled in. This means teaching teens about abstinence plus correct information on condoms and birth control. If we fill in the missing information about sex, teens will have much better ground to stand on when making a decision.”
—Kirsten Schmitt, 18
“The catch phrases and slogans used by teachers preaching abstinence and safer sex seem fruitless. Teens are rebellious by nature, and if they’re forced to believe something, they will reject it.
The best way for teens to learn about abstinence is through each other and the solid facts, like statistics on teens affected by STDs. Teens may not listen to teachers, but they listen to statistics and peers.
They should be taught through programs that involve speakers their age who’ve chosen abstinence. It enables them to see that they’re not alone if they choose this.”
—Kedar Mankad, 18
“Teens should be taught to abstain through comprehensive sex ed, no matter if they’re in public or private school. All aspects of sex should be taught. If certain information is left out, students are left out.
There are many sexually active teens these days. They have to learn about protection and STDs if they decide to have sex again. Rather than a teacher saying, ’just say no’ to sex, the consequences of sex and methods of protection should be discussed.”
—Laureen Delance, 17
“All teens have an underlying fear of something, whether it be rejection, the future, or failure. So, an effective way of teaching them to abstain from sex is by instilling a fear of the future.
Don’t scare the daylights out of them, but teach them about STDs, show them what pregnancy can do to a person mentally and physically, teach them about the numbers of teens dying from AIDS, and show them that love isn’t the same thing as lust. This proves to teens that sex is not just a playful activity.
While some teens fear consequences, some just don’t care when they’re in the heat of passion. We need to teach them to be safer. Teach them how to use contraception effectively: how to get it, and what it protects against. Teach them about condoms. Some don’t even know the difference between latex and polyurethane condoms!”
—Maheshwari Mistry, 17
On one side are supporters of programs called “abstinence-only,” “abstinence-until-marriage,” or “stress abstinence,” who think students require constant reminders of the need to abstain from (not have) all sexual activity. These programs often do not mention contraception or condoms (if they do, they focus on their failure rates) and often rely on fear or scare tactics.
Photo by Mat Linek
On the other side are supporters of “comprehensive sex ed,” who think students, particularly in high school, should learn about the advantages of abstinence as well as the benefits of using reliable forms of contraception, if or when they have sex. These programs usually rely on open discussions rather than lectures and portray sexuality as a positive aspect of life.
But here’s the important question: What do teens think is the best way to teach students about sex?
Here’s what we think
“Don’t teach abstinence only! Teens are more driven to do what they’re told not to do. If they are taught only to abstain from sex, they’ll be left to wonder what it’s like and more likely to indulge in sexual activity.Give teens the most comprehensive, honest, and accurate information on contraception, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), abortion, pregnancies, teen parenting, and sex regrets. Don’t overemphasize that sex is a ’bad’ thing. Emphasize that sex is a weighty decision to make, involving many factors (some painful), and that teens have the option to abstain.
Take away the mystery and tell them exactly what sex is. So, even if they choose to have sex, they are well informed and, hopefully, well protected.”
—Lalitha Chandrasekher, 17
“The best way to teach teens to make the right choice for themselves —whether that means abstaining from sex or practicing safer sex—is to give them honest, accurate information. Being fully knowledgeable about the physical and emotional consequences of sex helps teens to make the decision that’s right for them.
Educating teens to practice safer sex is essential—even for those who decide to wait—because when they finally become sexually active, they will need to understand their bodies and how to protect themselves, and others.”
—Elizabeth Marchetta, 17
“Safer sex and abstinence should be taught hand-in-hand. In the first two years of high school, students should be taught that the number one way to prevent pregnancy and STIs is abstinence. However, they should also be taught that if they chose not to abstain they should be responsible, using protection. Teens need to be taught that having sex is nothing to be ashamed of, and neither is buying a condom. In fact, it is smart, safe, and responsible.
It is a common misconception that all teens are having sex. The sex-ed class should stress that this is only a myth. Overall, teens need to be taught to love and respect themselves and their bodies, and not do anything to violate that respect.”
—Kehinde Togun, 18
“To teach only abstinence is to put students in a dangerous position, because it tells them what to do, rather than how to make informed, educated decisions on their own.
At a certain age, students will need to make choices about sex. If the only thing they’ve been taught is abstinence, then they won’t have the knowledge that’s necessary should they decide to have sex. As a result, they will make poor decisions about birth control and protection against STDs.
Teens need to learn how to use condoms and birth control. If they’re denied this information, it doesn’t mean they will abstain from sex. It simply means they won’t be smart about their decisions.”
—Scott Doyle, 18
“The best way to delay sexual activity (and teach abstinence) is to increase teens’ sense of self-worth. More importantly, students should understand the length of time they have to be sexually active. Just because they don’t have sex in high school, it doesn’t mean they won’t in college or beyond.
Scare tactics and statistics may work to delay activity in some, but to truly delay teen sex, educators must work from the inside out with teens to remove the need for attention.
A comprehensive sex-ed program, covering all the bases, is the best option. Students must learn about the infections that threaten in unsafe sex, and the overwhelming benefits of contraception. This covers the ’if abstinence is not going to happen for you, here’s what you do’ area of sex ed. Educators must recognize that both parts are vital to a complete education.”
—Sarah Otner, 18
“It is a natural teen instinct to defy authority figures. The more pressure teens are put under not to have sex, the more likely they will engage in it. Therefore, sex should be talked about openly.
Teens should be taught the pros and cons of sex at their age. From this, they are free to make their own decisions. (Hopefully, they will realize that the cons outweigh the pros.)
If teens decide to have sex, they should use protection. Schools should make contraceptives available, and stress their effectiveness in preventing pregnancy and STDs. This will ensure teens’ health and safety.”
—Joleen Rivera, 18
“The best way to teach teens to abstain from sex is to teach about the consequences and responsibilities of sexual activity. Those considering sex may realize that the STIs, chance of pregnancy, and emotional burdens that come with sex may not be worth it. They may realize that their methods of birth control/STD protection aren’t safe.
If they learn not to have sex until they’re truly ready—or how to have safer sex if they decide to have sex—it will stick with them better. Parents and teachers need to be more open and less afraid to answer questions.”
—Loryn Cozzi, 17
“Teens do not want to be preached to about abstinence. Not only do we get tired of hearing it, but if abstinence is the only thing taught then the teens who want to be or are already sexually active won’t be educated.
Safer sex must be taught. We need to know where to get and how to use contraception. Without this information, contraception is useless.
We need to be told that safer sex not only prevents against pregnancy, but also STDs. Many teens don’t think about STIs, which leads them to have unsafe sex. Students should be given all the information that they deserve.”
—Emily Chaloner, 16
“Make abstinence a choice—not a demand or the ’only answer.’ This lets teens see that they do have a choice in what to do with their bodies. Many teens like the feeling of independence, and being able to make their own decisions, so present abstinence as a good and healthy choice, and not just what parents and teachers want teens to do.
Give a balance of pros for abstinence and cons for having sex early. This gives teens a look at what good can come out of delaying sex, instead of only filling their minds with STD statistics and pregnancy rates.”
—Andrea Lee, 15
“In a perfect world, abstinence-only sex ed would work; it would easily convince teens to wait until marriage. But we don’t live in a perfect world. The bottom line is that teens are going to do what they want sexually, regardless of what adults tell them.
People should only make big decisions after they’ve weighed the positives and negatives. How can anyone make a good decision without all the facts? Explain to teens all the contraceptive methods, and how to use each one.
Teens are young adults, and if they feel mature enough to engage in sexual activity, then they should be given the information they need to keep themselves safe. Adults aren’t stopping teen sex by not giving teens information. Consequently, teens are not abstaining from sex—they’re having it in a more dangerous fashion, without the proper knowledge.”
—Christina C., 18
“The harsh reality is that teens will experiment with sex no matter what, so why would we render them helpless by denying them the skills they need to make mature and wise decisions?
We claim that a person is not ready for sex until he or she has reached adulthood, but what is adulthood? Most would agree that it is defined by our ability to deal wisely with difficult decisions and accept the responsibilities of our actions.
With this in mind, it is obvious that comprehensive sex education is a necessity. When faced with a sexual decision, teens should be armed with the tools they need to make adult decisions and act responsibly. Keeping teens in a state of perpetual childhood is not going to erase the influences of sexuality. If anything, it is going to enhance its appeal.”
—Megan Esteves, 17
“Knowledge is the best protection against bad decision-making. All the missing information about sex must be filled in. This means teaching teens about abstinence plus correct information on condoms and birth control. If we fill in the missing information about sex, teens will have much better ground to stand on when making a decision.”
—Kirsten Schmitt, 18
“The catch phrases and slogans used by teachers preaching abstinence and safer sex seem fruitless. Teens are rebellious by nature, and if they’re forced to believe something, they will reject it.
The best way for teens to learn about abstinence is through each other and the solid facts, like statistics on teens affected by STDs. Teens may not listen to teachers, but they listen to statistics and peers.
They should be taught through programs that involve speakers their age who’ve chosen abstinence. It enables them to see that they’re not alone if they choose this.”
—Kedar Mankad, 18
“Teens should be taught to abstain through comprehensive sex ed, no matter if they’re in public or private school. All aspects of sex should be taught. If certain information is left out, students are left out.
There are many sexually active teens these days. They have to learn about protection and STDs if they decide to have sex again. Rather than a teacher saying, ’just say no’ to sex, the consequences of sex and methods of protection should be discussed.”
—Laureen Delance, 17
“All teens have an underlying fear of something, whether it be rejection, the future, or failure. So, an effective way of teaching them to abstain from sex is by instilling a fear of the future.
Don’t scare the daylights out of them, but teach them about STDs, show them what pregnancy can do to a person mentally and physically, teach them about the numbers of teens dying from AIDS, and show them that love isn’t the same thing as lust. This proves to teens that sex is not just a playful activity.
While some teens fear consequences, some just don’t care when they’re in the heat of passion. We need to teach them to be safer. Teach them how to use contraception effectively: how to get it, and what it protects against. Teach them about condoms. Some don’t even know the difference between latex and polyurethane condoms!”
—Maheshwari Mistry, 17
Editors' Note: Think your school’s sex ed program is too little, too late, and too one-sided? Get active and work to make it better with The Roadmap: A Teen Guide to Changing Your School’s Sex Ed.
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