Are You A Virgin?

By Stephanie Kline, 16, Staff Writer

Originally Published: Oct 19, 1999

Revised: Nov 10, 2010

"So, Karen, are you a virgin?" Janine's voice lowered to a soft whisper when she said "virgin," as if it were a sacred word.

Karen looked back and forth between Janine and her other friend, Keisha, before looking down at the ground. She didn't know how to answer.

Karen had been with Michael for more than two years. They were voted cutest couple of the senior class and always seemed so in love. They talked about having sex, but decided to hold off on vaginal intercourse until after high school. For now, they engaged in oral sex and mutual masturbation. So, was she a virgin, or not? She felt pressured to answer, so she just nodded her head, and quietly said, "Yes."

Photography by Dan Strange

Once she answered, she felt sure. Of course she was still a virgin. She never had "real sex," as Keisha put it. She was pretty sure Michael considered himself a virgin, too, but she decided to talk to him about it later.

When Michael came over later that night, Karen asked him whether he considered them virgins. "No. We had sex,'' he said. "Of course we're not virgins. You still consider yourself a virgin?" Karen was shocked. She really believed what Keisha had said about oral sex not being "real sex."

Just goes to show, there's no clear cut definition of "virginity."

While some believe having oral sex equals losing your virginity, others think they keep their virginity until they have intercourse. "I think you are a virgin until you're in a sexual situation where you can get pregnant," commented Johanna, 17.

But Darius, 19, disagrees. "That definition of virginity doesn't take into account homosexual intercourse. There's no possible way for homosexuals to get pregnant or impregnate anyone during sex, and I don't believe they should be considered virgins."

"Oral sex counts as sex,'' says Sam, 17. "That's why they call it oral sex. So, if you have oral sex, then no you're no longer a virgin. In some cultures, to say someone is a virgin, you say they are untouched. I like that definition."

Joan Helmich, of the Center for Health Training in Seattle, says there is "no hard and fast rule for what constitutes a virgin. Virginity is a cultural concept. People have very different definitions. It's also a concept we play around with a lot."

Whether or not virginity is lost through oral sex, masturbation, anal or vaginal intercourse, Helmich says it's important for teens to listen to themselves and what they think is the true definition. "Virginity is merely an idea,'' she says. "There is no physical change that occurs, otherwise we would be able tell when it is lost and we would have our definition. Because it is only a concept, it is completely individual." (Many girls break their hymens long before they have sexual intercourse through activites like bike riding, so the idea that the hymen breaks only when a girl loses her virginity is a myth.)

Beth Reis, public health educator and author of the Family Life and Sexual Health (FLASH) curriculum for grades 5-12, says the term "virginity" carries tons of emotional baggage -- not to mention a huge double standard. "There seems to be this notion, and it definitely holds more for girls than guys, that someone who has lost virginity is somehow damaged goods,'' she says. "This notion is really offensive, considering that there is no real definition of virginity, and that virginity is so private and individual."

Your Comments

They're are a lot of differant opninions on how you could be considered a virgin or not

Posted by: nightrose1oo5 on Mar 18th, 2011 9:26pm

for instance, a guy could be considered a virgin if they've
never had sex. there's no physical way to tell, it's mostly
symbolic. a gay guy could be considered a virgin if he had
anal sex. but it's mostly a personal choice on how you
consider yourself to be a virgin, and not how society
defines you. Society today presses guidelines on us that
deem us as virgins or not based on what we've done. it's
important to define yourself based on what YOU believe. not
society. it's your own choice

Posted by: laxgirl6 on Sep 28th, 2010 4:20pm

im 15, and i dont think you lose your virginity until you
actually have sex with a penis entering the vagina , ahaha .
giving blowjobs and handjobs and getting fingered isnt
really losing your virginty .... i think people just like to
say they lost their virginty when they didnt have sex .....

I think....

Posted by: MaddyRos3 on Aug 17th, 2010 12:44am

I'm 16 and I think if you've had any kind of sex,you're no
longer a virgin.If you've had oral or anal sex,you're not a
virgin.There's a reason it has the word "sex" in the name.It
IS sex.Oral sex is sex.Duh.

i think as long as there is no penis got inside the girls vagina ur still a certified virgin

Posted by: dennis1721 on Apr 14th, 2010 10:22am

but you know, having real sex is fun, but its dangerous,
because we are still yound and cant even provide our own
needs... be happy!

i dont think you lose your virgintity in masturbation

Posted by: trey_94 on Apr 10th, 2010 2:22am

i really believe you lose your virginity in SEX, as in a
penis in vagina.im 16 and still virgin and not planning on
have sex for a while.anyway oral sounds alittle like sex i
dont know,and i think mutual masturbation is the same as
french kissing my penis isnt going in a vagina so no sex is
happened anyone agree

re: I thought...

Posted by: CJT on Jan 4th, 2010 1:38pm

When people talk about "popping your cherry" that is
referring to the hymen, which isn't deep inside your vagina
at all. It's just a thin membrane or tissue near the opening
of your vagina. The hymen can stretch and get holes in it,
or erode away completely, long before someone has sex.
Physical activity or even things like using a tampon can
break a hymen. Some people may bleed a little when that
happens, but not everyone does.

I thought....

Posted by: Confusion101 on Dec 23rd, 2009 5:38am

Ive always thought the term "popping the cherry" referred to
sexual intercourse that broke a layer deeper within the
vagina but the definiton of cherry is the hymen which is in
the outer parts...so when a guy says he "popped your cherry"
what are they really referrig to?? because I thought it was
a layer within that causes bleeding when broken which is
what most girls consider losing your virgiity?? Do you
always bleed with the breaking of the cherry or no?

im 17 and kind of get her

Posted by: julie92 on Nov 19th, 2009 7:08pm

i believe if u engaged w/ oral sex as a virgin u are still a
virgin b/c there is nothing that really popped your cherry.
even though im still a virgin and havent had oral sex, i
highly believe your still a virgin!!!

uhmm

Posted by: beantown69 on Jun 14th, 2009 2:51am

well me and my boyfriend have had oral sex and i count my
self as a virgin because his penis didnt penetrate my vagina
and people say virgin means untouched but i interpret that
as untouched by another persons genitals...im a virgin and
so is he.

agree

Posted by: leahbug on Apr 27th, 2009 9:35pm

i agree with dctrphil AND I ALSO AGREE with dianafire the
reason i agree wit dianafire is because of what i was told
about sex and wat it is and the reason i agree wit dctrphil
is because of wat i belive is true love

Are You A Virgin?

Your Comments

You Must Be Logged In to Comment

Related Stories