“Boys, there are so many different types of condoms that can feel nice and can give girls a better feeling. You should use them.”
—Lisa, 17, England
Are You A Virgin?
Originally Published: Oct 19, 1999
Revised: Nov 1, 2006
"So, Karen, are you a virgin?" Janine's voice lowered to a soft whisper when she said "virgin," as if it were a sacred word.
Karen looked back and forth between Janine and her other friend, Keisha, before looking down at the ground. She didn't know how to answer.
 |
|
Photography by Dan Strange |
Karen had been with Michael for more than two years. They were voted cutest couple of the senior class and always seemed so in love. They talked about having sex, but decided to hold off on vaginal intercourse until after high school. For now, they engaged in oral sex and mutual masturbation. So, was she a virgin, or not? She felt pressured to answer, so she just nodded her head, and quietly said, "Yes."
Once she answered, she felt sure. Of course she was still a virgin. She never had "real sex," as Keisha put it. She was pretty sure Michael considered himself a virgin, too, but she decided to talk to him about it later.
When Michael came over later that night, Karen asked him whether he considered them virgins. "No. We had sex,'' he said. "Of course we're not virgins. You still consider yourself a virgin?" Karen was shocked. She really believed what Keisha had said about oral sex not being "real sex."
Just goes to show, there's no clear cut definition of "virginity."
While some believe having oral sex equals losing your virginity, others think they keep their virginity until they have intercourse. "I think you are a virgin until you're in a sexual situation where you can get pregnant," commented Johanna, 17.
But Darius, 19, disagrees. "That definition of virginity doesn't take into account homosexual intercourse. There's no possible way for homosexuals to get pregnant or impregnate anyone during sex, and I don't believe they should be considered virgins."
"Oral sex counts as sex,'' says Sam, 17. "That's why they call it oral sex. So, if you have oral sex, then no you're no longer a virgin. In some cultures, to say someone is a virgin, you say they are untouched. I like that definition."
Joan Helmich, of the Center for Health Training in Seattle, says there is "no hard and fast rule for what constitutes a virgin. Virginity is a cultural concept. People have very different definitions. It's also a concept we play around with a lot."
Whether or not virginity is lost through oral sex, masturbation, anal or vaginal intercourse, Helmich says it's important for teens to listen to themselves and what they think is the true definition. "Virginity is merely an idea,'' she says. "There is no physical change that occurs, otherwise we would be able tell when it is lost and we would have our definition. Because it is only a concept, it is completely individual." (Many girls break their hymens long before they have sexual intercourse through activites like bike riding, so the idea that the hymen breaks only when a girl loses her virginity is a myth.)
Beth Reis, public health educator and author of the Family Life and Sexual Health (FLASH) curriculum for grades 5-12, says the term "virginity" carries tons of emotional baggage -- not to mention a huge double standard. "There seems to be this notion, and it definitely holds more for girls than guys, that someone who has lost virginity is somehow damaged goods,'' she says. "This notion is really offensive, considering that there is no real definition of virginity, and that virginity is so private and individual."
 |
 |
 |
 |
Your Comments
uhm phone sex???
Posted by: DarkLight94 on Jun 5th, 2008 2:39am
does phone sex cout as loosing virginity? cause people say
that means being untouched so by having phone sex you have
been touched--- by you. does that count?
Virgin
Posted by: Mithos90 on May 11th, 2008 3:01pm
So it is considered as when you and your partner do anything
sexually physical together that u lose your virginity.
Though other things like phone sex, cyber sex and seeing
your partner on cam masturbating still consider you a
virgin.
my definition
Posted by: dianafire on Mar 25th, 2008 9:39pm
To me, losing your virginity doesn't occur until vaginal
intercourse. I don't really take into consideration anal
sex, because it's personally something that I won't do. This
is just my defintion, everyone has their own though. I'm
still a virgin because I have not been penetrated by a
penis. Others consider it oral or hand sex, that's their own
opinion. This is just my heterosexual definition for myself.
So, when someone asks if I'm a virgin, I just say yes,
without any explaination.
virginity
Posted by: dctrphil on Dec 28th, 2007 8:58pm
To me, true sex is when two people who are in love become
ONE PERSON in both body AND spirit at that moment and feel
the same sexual sensations at the same time, because the
woman was made for the man and that is sex. The man is the
key and the woman his keyhole, and it fits perfectly. Oral
sex and mutual masturbation are just great ways to explore
sexuality at a young age, but I believe they are not sex.
Anyone agree?
Losing it is...
Posted by: tinfoil45 on Oct 3rd, 2007 10:59am
To lose it you have to have sex. Oral sex does not count
because it is just by mouth. You have to have vaginal, or
anal sex to lose your virginity.
Virginity
Posted by: dazed n confused on Jul 20th, 2007 12:22am
Im confused on this one. Virginity to me is a term that
means purity, untouched. Once you begin to engage in sexual
activities it kind of taints the person.Like I claim to be a
virgin..but since i have done stuff..im not so sure
Virginity is....
Posted by: AriGurl on Jun 29th, 2007 5:05pm
People often say the same things when it comes to being a
virgin or not, penetration or no penetration wether it's
oral sex or anal sex u still give up a part of urself to
someone (doesn't matter who the person is). I think being a
virgin is something to value. As a gurl u have to feel
prepared and in the mean time u can always read books or
websites on sex to gain knowledge on the subject and not
feel as if u have no idea what ur doing or gonna do... I'm
pretty proud to be a virgin...
hah!
Posted by: !LOVEorLUST! on Jun 21st, 2007 9:39pm
i agree with klaudiaf thats a smart cookie1
VIRGIN OR NOT???
Posted by: apluvsdk on Jun 18th, 2007 2:48am
TO BE A VIRGIN MEANS THAT YOU HAVENT HAD SEX..HELLO ITS
SEX.IT HAS THE WORD IN IT!!! ORAL SEX!! ITS IN THE WORD ITS
SELF!! SO NO IF YOU HAVE HAD ANY KIND OF SEX YOUR NOT A
VIRGIN..WELL THATS HOW I SEE IT!!
You Must Be Logged In to Comment
Answer, Rutgers University © 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Developed by MSSG, Office of Information Technology
uhm phone sex???
Posted by: LucindaH on Jun 6th, 2008 2:22pm
Different people define virginity in different ways. But I
wouldn't worry about what other people say. You have to
consider your own beliefs, values and feelings when deciding
what you're comfortable with when it comes to sex. You have
to decide if you're comfortable with phone sex and
masturbation.If there are sexual things you don't want to do
until you're older or married, then let your partners know
and stick to what's right for you.