"Are you still coming to get me after school tomorrow?'' Jessica asked her boyfriend, James. 

"Yeah, I'll meet you out front," he said. 

"All right, see you tomorrow . . .'' 

And that was the only thing the couple planned. The rest just happened. James picked Jessica up from school and they went to his house. They went straight to his room, watched some music videos and started to kiss. The kiss led to so much more.

Adapted from QueerEaster Creative Commons Attribution License

The two had been dating on and off for almost two years and often considered having sex. James suggested it first, but Jessica wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. They never really came to an agreement. But that day after school, without saying it out loud, James and Jessica agreed to have sex. 

"We didn't say what we were going to do. It was just something we assumed was going to happen,'' explains Jessica, 16, who lost her virginity that day just a couple of months ago. 

Jessica agreed to talk to Sex, Etc. about her first time to dispel some of the mystery surrounding sex. Of course, everybody's first time is different. But since it's tough to make smart decisions when all those emotions and hormones are kicking around, we thought a look at what happened to two teens would help us all become better informed--and more sexually responsible. 

For most people, the first time is filled with high expectations and worries over whether you'll "perform" OK. Little communication or planning, no birth control and disappointment are also usually part of the picture, psychologist and American University professor Dr. Barry McCarthy explains in Losing It: The Virginity Myth, a book about first sexual experiences, edited by Louis M. Crosier. But with solid information, teens can make the right decisions about their own sexuality. That means waiting until you and your honey can rap seriously about sex, take precautions (read: use birth control and condoms) and understand how your bodies work sexually. Doing this before losing your virginity can make sex a source of pleasure, rather than guilt, confusion or shame, writes Dennis M. Dailey, a professor at the University of Kansas School of Social Welfare, in Losing It: The Virginity Myth. 

Getting Physical

Most teens wonder what sex feels like the first time. The answer is usually different for guys and girls. Most guys have an orgasm the first time. A lot (one in four) have problems, though. Some can't get an erection, some ejaculate (cum) before the penis penetrates the vagina, some just can't reach orgasm. "Young men are so anxious about doing well that the anxiety overpowers their ability to gain control,'' explains Dailey. 

What's more, less than 5 percent of women have an orgasm the first time they have sex. Why? "Young men do not understand very much about female sexuality (or their own for that matter) and neither do a lot of women,'' writes Dailey. "Thus, women cannot tell men what they want and most men do not have a clue." 

Jessica confirms this. She says that sex hurt a little, almost like a pinch, but that "after awhile the pain eases up.'' So when the pain fades, does it feel pleasurable? Yes, says Jessica, but she never hit the point where you scream and yell for God, like in the movies. And she didn't have an orgasm. 

Tim, who lost his virginity in seventh grade, had a different experience. Now 19, he says that, physically, sex was "the best feeling in the world. Only love feels better.'' And he did have an orgasm. 

The emotional side of sex was trickier. Looking back now, Tim feels he was way young for sex. He remembers having the jitters, big time. "Don't let anyone try to tell you they weren't nervous the first time because they'll be lying,'' says Tim. Seeing a naked girl for the first time can overwhelm a teenage boy. 

Plus, the girl expects the boy to know what he's doing, Tim says, admitting he didn't have a clue.

"All you can go by is what you see on TV and jump in bed and do it,'' he adds. (It's a bummer, but surveys show that many teens think that "Hollywood" sex is the way it really happens. Guess again). 

"If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have done it so early,'' he says, referring to issues like pregnancy and disease. But, he adds that he and his girlfriend discussed sex before they did it, and they agreed to use a condom. Jessica didn't take those precautions and so she started worrying about pregnancy afterward. She wished that she had used a condom. She was lucky--she didn't become pregnant. 

Now, Jessica says she feels closer to her boyfriend and can even positively say that she loves him. But she is reluctant to have sex with him too often. "I don't want him to think the relationship revolves around having sex," Jessica explains. 

Healthy Sexuality

It's pretty safe to say that at one point or another, most people will lose their virginity. It's only natural. 

"The healthy question is how and when to express sexuality,'' writes McCarthy. It's also important to consider the many reasons to wait to express your sexuality by having sexual intercourse with someone. 

Adolescence is a time to learn about yourself. That means exploring your own values and beliefs and resisting pressure to have sex before you feel ready, says McCarthy. You might turn to books (check out your local library) or a trusted adult to learn how sex feels physically and emotionally for both guys and girls and how it affects relationships. Masturbation is also a good way to explore your own body. 

"A healthy guideline is to view sexuality as a positive part of yourself and express it in a way that enhances your life and relationships," writes McCarthy. "At a minimum, this means trying to avoid behavior that is harmful to you or your partner--unwanted pregnancy, STDs, HIV/AIDS, sexual victimization and force or coercion. Hopefully, it means being a sexual friend who is aware and responsible."