Jordan barely remembers the first time he had sex.

"I was at a friend's party," he says. "The girl and I were both drunk, and we acted on impulse. We were just making out, but one thing led to another and we ended up having sex."

"We didn't use protection. I realized soon after what a mistake I'd made. My friendship with the girl was ruined. She wasn't the right person, and it wasn't the right time," adds Jordan, 16, from New Jersey. 

"Everything about it was wrong."

Although everyone's first sexual experience is different, many teens, like Jordan, have regrets.

A recent poll from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy found that 55 percent of sexually active boys and 72 percent of sexually active girls wish they had waited longer to have sex.

So why do so many teens have sex regrets?

One of the biggest reasons is they just weren't emotionally ready or responsible enough to handle the consequences. They often caved to pressure from others.

"My boyfriend had already had two previous sexual partners and I was a virgin," says Jane, 16. "He would bring up having sex a lot and I wouldn't know how to react. I wanted to wait but he made me think it wasn't a big deal, so I did it. Immediately I regretted it." 

"I had been promising myself not to give in and wait as long as possible. I was so upset and confused because I wasn't ready for all the responsibility of having sex."

Lynn Ponton, M.D., author of The Sex Lives of Teenagers (Dutton, 2000), says too many teens are having sex for the wrong reasons.

"When teens make the decision to have sex, they need to be deciding for themselves," explains Dr. Ponton. "Too often, they're being pressured by a person or situation."  

Brooke, 16, first had sex at age 13 with her boyfriend whom she had dated for three years. Many teens who lose their virginity so young have regrets because they're just too immature to deal with such a heavy experience. But Brooke says having sex so young made sex seem less special later.

"After my boyfriend and I broke up, my attitude toward sex was changed. I looked at it in a much more casual way. I had sex with some people I didn't really care for, and I know that if I were still a virgin, I wouldn't have given in so easily." 

Teens need to separate individual relationships, Dr. Ponton says. Having sex with one partner doesn't automatically mean you should have sex with everybody you date.

So how do you know if you're ready?

Being comfortable and mature enough to talk with your partner about sex and taking precautions are signs that you're ready. "The most enjoyable experiences come from
teens who discussed and planned for sex," Dr. Ponton says. 

You should also have a relationship that includes honesty, respect, maturity and strong feelings toward each other. Dr. Ponton advises teens to ask themselves the 10 questions of readiness. (See below).

The most common advice from teens was to wait for the right person.

John, 17, first had sex with a girlfriend he had been dating for a few months. "We had discussed having sex and were responsible about it," he says. "We used protection and the timing felt right. Although we're not together anymore, we're still friendly and I'm glad that we shared our first times with one another." 

"I knew I wanted a positive experience with someone I loved," says Christina,17, from St. Louis. "It took me awhile to decide, but I waited until I knew that I really loved this person and that I would be OK with the consequences."

"Going all the way is something that you can't take back." 

"I wish I had waited instead of having sex for the first time with a girl I didn't care about," says Jordan. "Now I'm in love with another girl and I technically can't share that first experience with her."

Contributor Jenny Bickel, St. Louis, MO, added to this story.

SEXUAL READINESS:  QUESTIONS TO ASK

1.  Are you doing this for yourself?
2.  Do you feel rushed by your partner?
3.  Is your body ready?  Do you feel physical arousal and desire?
4.  Do you trust your partner?
5.  Would you feel comfortable saying no, even at the last minute?
6.  Have you and your partner tried other sexual experiences before deciding to have intercourse (foreplay using hands, mouth, genital and hip pressing, etc.)?
7.  Have you planned for protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases?
8.  Are you able to engage in sexual activity without getting drunk or high first?
9.  Do you know what oral, anal, manual and vaginal intercourse are and understand the risks of each?
10.  Have you though about the impact of this even on your lief, considering whether it matches your values?

Adapted from: Lynn Ponton, The Sex Lives of Teenagers, Dutton, 2000