We’ve all heard them. Those dreary tales of teen sex—basically, the painful, messy, and regretful first-time-experience stories.

But why don’t we hear about more positive first-times—ones that don’t include a broken condom, a pregnancy scare, or tears and arguments? According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2001 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 46 percent of 9th-12th graders have had sexual intercourse. Now, you can’t tell me that all these teens had negative first-time experiences!

The only way to learn about regret-free first times is to hear the stories of teens who’ve had good first time experiences. Here, five teens share what made having sex for the first time so positive—and free from sexually transmitted disease (STD) and unplanned pregnancy.

Michelle and Thiago

Michelle, 16, and Thiago, 18, of New Jersey, met at school last year.

“I’d see him walking down the halls and thought he was very hot, but until I started talking with him, I didn’t realize what a great personality he had,” says Michelle.

Growing up, Michelle had always connected sex with love. 

“I’m not a religious person, but I have strong morals. I planned to lose my virginity only when truly in love with my boyfriend,” she says.

Michelle and Thiago’s relationship grew really serious. But before they had intercourse, Michelle visited a local Planned Parenthood, where she got a prescription for the Pill. She’d been a peer educator at school and knew that it’s best to use two contraceptive methods—one (like the Pill) to prevent pregnancy and another (a latex condom) to protect against STDs. Thiago bought condoms from a nearby pharmacy.

The couple had sex four months into their relationship.

“What made my first time comfortable was foreplay. Thiago stimulated me. He knew what to do, and it made me feel really good. We had our awkward moments, but I didn’t let that bother me,” says Michelle.

The couple’s sexual experiences improved after “practice,” she says.

“We had our share of amusing moments, and positive as well as negative experiences. But these bonded us and improved our comfort in the relationship.”

Thiago thought their first time was positive for many reasons.

“Michelle and I really loved each other. We cared about each other and didn’t want to hurt each other,” he says. “And communication played a huge role when it came to planning what we were going to do.”

Michelle agrees that an emotional connection and good communication are key to a positive first time. She believes couples need to understand each other’s feelings and also discuss what they’d do “just in case” of a pregnancy or STD scare.

Evelyn and Anthony

Eighteen-year-olds Evelyn and Anthony, of Michigan, met in math class their sophomore year and have been going out for more than a year. They had sex six months into their relationship, when they were 17. It was the first time for both of them.

Evelyn had romantic dreams of “growing old with that special someone,” and commitment was important to her. So, she wanted to wait until she felt comfortable enough with Anthony before having sex. He didn’t mind.

“I wasn’t going to break up with her because she didn’t have sex with me. I gave her as long as she needed—not that I was in any kind of rush, either, because maybe I needed a little time, too,” says Anthony.

Commitment and trust were important to him.

“I needed to know whether it was for real or not. I needed to know we’d stay together for quite a while, even if it wasn’t forever. I didn’t just want to throw my virginity away,” he says. 

Before she had sex with Anthony, Evelyn asked her mom for help getting birth control.

“She’d said that if I ever needed to get some, she’d help me out,” she says.

First, Evelyn did online research about birth-control methods. She decided on the Pill and asked her mom to take her to the doctor for a prescription. To prepare for their first time, Anthony made sure he had condoms.

Now that Evelyn and Anthony were protected against unplanned pregnancy and STDs, they were ready to have sex.

So, what made the first time so positive?

“We both loved each other and knew it was right,” says Anthony.

“Romance,” says Evelyn. “If romance leads up to it, then it all seems so perfect.”

Sebastian and Robert

Sebastian and his boyfriend, Robert, both 18 and from New York City, have been together for almost a year and half. They have a monogamous relationship, which means they only have sex with each other. This increased their commitment to one another.

“We agreed to take this relationship seriously. I trust him and he trusts me,” says Sebastian.

Sebastian wanted his first time to be special.

“I wanted the whole thing to be magnificent, long lasting, and wonderful,” he says. “I always pictured my first time as special and knew that it was important to trust your partner.”

He says they were ready to have sex, because “we really felt close to each other.” He also felt mature enough to handle the emotional issues that come with sex.

Sebastian’s parents never talked about sex with him. Since he couldn’t ask them for advice, he turned to his sex ed class and a program he and Robert attended at a gay and lesbian community center for information about safer sex. Sebastian got condoms from the center, and he and Robert used them their first time.

It was important for Sebastian that he and Robert use protection.

“I was afraid of getting any STDs. The fear of getting something that could mess up my life kept me alert,” he says. “I’ve read about and met people with HIV, and I didn’t want to become another statistic.”

Sebastian says that “everything” Robert did made the first time positive.

“He made me feel like the most important person in the world. He was sweet and understanding when we first had intercourse,” he says.

What advice does he have for teens who are thinking about having sex?

“They should only do it because they want to, not because someone is forcing them,” says Sebastian, “because it would be very sad if they regret it.”    

Additional reporting by national correspondent Stephanie Nancy Nolasco, 17, of New York City.