Do you cringe at the thought of your parent or guardian sitting you down on the couch—armed with condoms, birth control pills, and pamphlets—to give you the famous "talk" about sex? In American Pie, Jim's dad didn't do a fabulous job teaching his son about sex. Sometimes, in real life, our parents can't deal with it either.

2001-2002 Editorial Board

But it's important to let them know if you want to talk about sex. You can even approach them before they approach you. They key to "the talk" is staying calm and open minded. (And if you really can't talk with a parent, talk with an adult you can trust.)

Here, we share the lame and rewarding times we've had talking with our parents about sex. What they told us (or didn't tell us) has shaped our views and influenced our choices.
—Christina C., 18

"The only thing my parents ever told me about sex is that they'd kick me out of the house if I ever got pregnant, which didn't give me any information or comfort. In their culture, you don't talk about sex until your kids are married. It wasn't helpful that they were so closed. I know it's not in their nature to talk about such 'taboo' things, but my brother, sister, and I live in America—and, in this country, sex is a big deal." —Maheshwari Mistry, 17

"The only thing I remember my mom saying is that I shouldn't have to prove my love for a boy by having sex with him." —Laureen Delance, 17

"Growing up in a semi-conservative Nigerian home, I was never really taught about sex. I learned everything through TV and other media. I wish I'd been told not to trust the media. I fell victim to everything I heard and saw. I don't think I lost anything by not having 'the talk,' but it would've been nice to talk with my parents about the pitfalls of sex and the need to protect myself." —Kehinde Togun, 18

"When my mom thought I was having sex, she took me out to breakfast to tell me it was OK, because my boyfriend and I had been together for a long time and I was smart enough to use a condom. I was more uncomfortable talking to her about sex than she was talking to me! It was really comforting to know my mom was there if something went wrong and I needed help." —Loryn Cozzi, 18

"My parents never talked to me about sex. They were (and still are) uncomfortable discussing anything remotely close to the topic. I recently found the courage to ask them about sex. They said that it should occur after marriage. They'd be shocked if they knew what I already know about sex. Parents and teens should have open talks. After all, how did we get here anyway? Sex isn't something to be ashamed of ... we all have hormones." —Lalitha Chandrasekher, 17

"My parents always told me to set goals for myself and do everything in my power to achieve them. After my cousin got pregnant at 16, they saw it as the perfect opportunity to bring up another important philosophy—that it's a person's own responsibility to weigh the consequences of his or her actions beforehand and to always consider the effect actions have on future plans. Our parents' power lies in their ability to be mentors. In the end, the choice to have sex is individual. Parents won't be there to stop us from making bad decisions, but their words will." —Megan Esteves, 18

"I spent one night in my room watching a movie with my girlfriend. After I drove her home, my parents told me they were upset that I was in my room with the lights off while she was over. They tried to emphasize that it wasn't about trust, but about temptation. They knew I hadn't had sex yet, but they thought I'd be unable to resist it, if given an opportunity. Their solution: remove situations where 'something' could happen. They felt that it was better to shield me than let me think on my own. This hurt me a lot." —Scott Doyle, 18

"I never got the stereotypical birds-and-bees talk. My parents always kept up with the questions I brought back from school or my friends. When I asked them what oral sex was, they pulled out one of the many sex ed books they kept handy and read from it. Then they asked me how I felt about it and if I had any questions. My parents gave me a very comprehensive sex education, full of facts and clear of biases.

"However, I wish they talked about the emotional side of sex more, like the effect sex has on a relationship and how it can change they way you view yourself. The most significant thing they taught me is that sex can be a beautiful thing if all the parts fit (no pun intended): your emotional stability, readiness, and the right partner." —Joleen Rivera, 18

"I never had just one talk with my parents about sex. Since I was a child, they've been open with me about sexual issues and dealing with my body in a healthy way. Now that I'm in high school, my parents are still willing and open to talk to me about sex, although they don't force it upon me. They're able to share their own experiences with me, so I don't feel like they don't understand. They continue to give me advice on sexual issues and encourage me to make the best use of my body." —Andrea Lee, 16

"My parents and I never, ever had "The Talk." As far as I can remember, I always knew everything—both necessary and unnecessary. Look Who's Talking taught me the biology of reproduction, and every movie and TV show I saw, from then on, filled in the rest. Come to think of it, I'd hate to have to talk to someone about the Facts of Life—it's not a pretty action, and it never works out like it does in the movies. I prefer to pick up the accessories from my health class, and leave the main outfit to my romantic view as created in Titanic. Of course, their relationship didn't last after that, so you be the judge." —Sarah Otner, 18

" 'Stay away from those people [girls]; you have to focus on your studies!' That was the extent of my parents' birds-and-bees talk. Although they didn't even say the words 'girls' or 'sex,' I understood that both were off limits. Being a rebellious teen, I immediately did the opposite and explored as much as I could. Their 'talk' caused me to rebel, since it wasn't a talk, but a statement about what I couldn't do."
—Kedar Mankad, 17

"My parents never sat down and had a sex talk with me, not because they didn't want to, but because I wasn't very receptive. When I was younger, I felt very uncomfortable talking to them about sex. Occasionally my mom would buy me a book, so I could find out all I wanted to know. Many people say it's important for your parents to sit down and have a sex talk with you, but I don't agree. Although my parents did not have a talk with me, they informed me in other ways—with books and little tidbits of knowledge. My experiences with them really helped me to form my own, informed opinions, which are not just their opinions drummed into my brain." —Emily Chaloner, 16