Each morning, Anna makes coffee for her parents, feeds her grandmother, and wakes her siblings.  Then, she drives 20 minutes to school.

"During the day, I wonder if my brother got lunch, if my sister needs a ride home from school, or if my mom is calling about getting help taking care of my nana," says Anna, 17, of Pennsylvania.  "I come home from school, do my homework, get my siblings to practice, and cook dinner."

Anna lives with it all -- domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and child abuse.

 

 

"When I have time, I do odd jobs to make money," she adds.  "I pay the bills in small installment plans that I've arranged with each company.  I invest about $10 a week for college when I have it."

The major thing that motivates her to get out of bed is knowing that her younger sisters and brother need her.

More Dysfunctional Families

Anna is not alone.

"More and more kids today are growing up with dysfunctional families," says Nancy Stek, director of the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependency.

In 1996, 3.1 million families were suspected of abusing or neglecting their children.  An estimated 19 million children have some type of alcohol abuse in their families, according to the National Institutes of Health.  Many more deal with drug abuse, domestic violence, divorce, or other troubles. 

If you're dealing with any of these problems, you need to ask two questions.  How can I get help?  And how can I prevent myself from repeating my parents' mistakes?

For Anna, help came in the form of counseling.

"A friend of mine was seeing a therapist because his parents got divorced and so my friend recommended it," she says.

She believes if she hadn't talked to a therapist, she would still hate her parents for the pain they caused her.

 

Getting Help

 

It's not easy to look for help for family problems, says Robert Johnson, M.D., at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey. 

We're brought up to believe that we should be loyal to our family.  Talking to an "outsider" about our private problems seems like betrayal.

It's not.

"Young people have a right to get help outside the family," says Dr. Johnson.

"The weight of turning in your parent or going against the family is huge," he adds. "Parents are the only protection you've ever had.  Kids will endure an extreme amount of abuse in all of its forms, before they do that."

But without outside help, things will likely get worse.

Dr. Johnson advises turning to school counselors, hospitals, or community programs that offer services to teens.  Support groups are also a good option. 

Leaning on your friends is another way to cope, says Anna, whose boyfriend and a few close friends have been a huge support.

"It helps to know that someone is there for me," she says.

 

Same Mistakes?

 

It's true that children often repeat their parents' mistakes. 

Kids who grow up in homes where drug abuse or alcoholism is present are more likely to become drug addicts or alcoholics.

But some people find their way out.  Take Dylan.  He watched his parents do drugs from the time he was very small.

"My parents' using has made me more aware of what not to use," says Dylan, 17, from Minnesota.  "I know what not to mix and what will mess you up.  They never tried to hide it from me."

So, for a while, Dylan did drugs, too.  But then his best friend got addicted and ended up in rehab.

"He couldn't be friends with other kids who were using drugs, so I had to make a decision," says Dylan, who stopped taking drugs.

 

Taking a Different Path

 

Stek says it takes courage and support to decide to take a better path than your parents.

"Teens are at an age when negative behavior makes a big impression on them," says Stek. "But young people don't need to follow in the footsteps of their parents, particularly when making mistakes."

Anna vowed to take a different course.

"I am very unhappy in my house, and seeing the pain my parents have caused makes me even more motivated not to follow in their footsteps," she says.

Contributors Lindsey Armstrong, Media, PA, and Caitlin O'Fallon, Minneapolis, MN, contributed to this article.