How I Regained My Confidence

By Anna Aufseeser, 18, Contributor

Originally Published: Dec 21, 2005

Revised: Nov 17, 2010

Years of teasing in school turned me into an awkward, self-conscious and depressed teen. As I approached adulthood, I built a shell around myself that no one could get through. People avoided me, and I avoided them.

I thought of the other kids in my school as horrible, stupid, snobby, social climbers, and I refused to get to know them individually. They had hurt me, and so I shut them out of my life. I was pretty negative, believing that if these kids were this way, then the rest of the world must be this way too.

Photography by Dan Strange

The Ugliness of Teasing

It all started in elementary school with kids mocking me for stupid things like being good in math, or talking about me because they thought the cartoons I made were strange. (I guess the one series with fictional creatures called Nernies in the socialist nation of Zeet City wasn't normal kid stuff!) I would also dance around in class to celebrate when I was happy with my work. I didn't think that there was anything wrong with me at the time, and continued to behave "in my own way." But teachers began to criticize my behavior too. Sometimes, I talked back to them when I felt they were wrong, and I talked back to kids when they bothered me, but, for the most part, I was happy in my own world.

In middle school, my peers continued to tease me, but their words now influenced how I felt about myself. My middle school had three castes of girls: popular, semi-popular and unpopular. I, of course, was part of the unpopular caste. Each group had its own lunch table, and only members of that caste could sit there. I yearned for acceptance, so I tried to become "popular" by sitting at the popular table and standing in the popular talking circles. Of course I failed, and the failure further eroded my self-confidence.

In high school, I went through the same struggle for acceptance. The other kids were more tactful in avoiding me this time. But they still convinced me that I was inferior to them in both looks and personality.

I tried to take the advice that my older sister gave me: "Confidence comes not from others, but from within yourself." But the opinions of others still made me feel bad about myself.

I Learned to Focus on My Strengths

What finally turned things around for me was my decision to take risks. The other kids had isolated me so much that I realized I had nothing to lose socially. I began standing up for political causes I believed in. I created a social commentary cartoon about the high school and society in general and distributed it at school. Although some people deemed the cartoon "offensive," "stupid" and "pointless," a few kids approached me to compliment it. I was amazed that these "normal" kids liked my eccentric views! It was then that I realized that every student was not simply a brainless social climber.

As my view of the world changed, so did my confidence. I realized there are always going to be people who will ostracize me, people who will reject me and people who, for no reason, will be rude to me and walk away. There will, however, be those who understand my point of view and like who I am.

Now that I am more comfortable with myself, I no longer need acceptance from everyone, and I feel happier about everything, including the world.

My Advice to Anyone Who is Not Yet "Cool"

There is nothing wrong with being eccentric or having unconventional ideas!

Just be honest with yourself, and take chances to speak out on the things you believe in. You will realize that you can—through your words or art or actions—influence the thinking of others. And, although you may receive negative feedback from your work or actions, there will be positive feedback, and it will compensate for all the mean things people say. Hoping others will read your mind and rescue you from your own cage of self-pity will bring you little success, but taking chances and telling people how you feel will make all the difference in the world.

At least, it did for me.

Your Comments

My friends put me down

Posted by: beverly_15 on Apr 30th, 2009 8:17pm

always try to be myself & stuff but the weird thing is it's
not people that make fun of me *although they shoot me all
kinds of dirty & weird looks* Sometimes my friends r the
ones making mean commets about my clothes or hair or
whatever! They said theyre joking but it still hurts :[

Not so geeky anymore!

Posted by: cac0ph0ny on Jan 19th, 2009 3:59am

i used 2 b the geek at my school. i always wore a tshirt and
sweatpants. i recently switched to the more "normal" look.
already, grls r more willing 2 talk 2 me(+ the new look
makes me feel reely sexy ;)) little change, but it boosted
my self esteem alot!

um....

Posted by: Shuree on Jul 12th, 2008 4:02pm

I had my problems but have never been teased at school,it's
always because of my friend.I'm a pretty shy person and I
want to talk more,but not to be popular. My friend and I had
very fun times,but it always seems that I don't want to be
around her because she always makes jokes and sometimes
criticizes my clothes...its annoying. I want new friends.

RE: outcast

Posted by: DanR on Apr 24th, 2008 2:44pm

I am sorry to hear that this is happening to you. It sounds
like you have a lot going on in your life and you definitely
need some positive support. I hope that you will consider
talking to a counselor or other trusted adult about what is
happening because you are not alone in this. If you do not
feel comfortable doing that, please contact the National
Teen Emergency Hotline at 1-800-448-3000. Also, check out
this FAQ on depression: http://www.sexetc.org/faq/2735/.
Hang in there!

outcast

Posted by: uncertainfreak on Apr 20th, 2008 6:49pm

Sort of the same thing has happened to me. Except.. ive
basically have been depressed all my life because of it. And
now, because people made fun of me and got me depressed, im
being made fun of because im depressed. Which makes me,
basically, NEED to be on SUICIDE WATCH 24/7. Any advice? I
mean... im suprised im not dead yet (ive tried to commit
suicide so many times). Everyday people talk, to my face or
behind my back, and one day, im end up doing the deed (or
whatever you call it). ='(

power to originality!

Posted by: ToxicRainbow on Feb 27th, 2008 5:00pm

My story is a lot like yours! I'm glad that you found out
how to be confident in your own way. I stand out of the
crowd every single day, and I'm proud of it!

I'm exactly the same way

Posted by: The_Anonymous on Dec 11th, 2007 7:33pm

I was new in my school about 4 years ago, and the fact that
I came from a rival school led me to be shunned and put down
by my peers. I still don't have many friends, and I'm shy of
the older students (especially ones I know through something
else), but lately I've been trying to not look at the ground
so much, and to actually look at people when I walk past
them in the hallway. I've noticed that unlike my past
belief, they aren't anylizing (sp?) everything I do every
moment of the day. :)

brave brave person

Posted by: vampireknight77 on Jul 17th, 2007 2:51pm

well i think you should have been proud of the indivuality,
i mean if everybody was the same, were they popular or
unpopular? im semipopular. im different from my friends, and
that's why im always so proud of myself. i like to be an
indiviual. i dont wear skirts or "makeup". i prefer the
natural look. and that's why my crush likes me. you're so
brave though!! ahh they should so put you on the news for
being such a good person and so confident in yourself!

loser??

Posted by: chikki90210 on May 22nd, 2007 11:08pm

ha i had to laugh at you for the fact that you thought you
were such an outcast i would love to be that original and
actually say whats on my mind without worrying what the hell
dumb teens thought about it, im 15 and hope to eventually
stop caring, i've always been made fun of and now these two
girls star at me. one rudly and one in disqussed at the fact
that im FAT! and im obssed with beauty and having to feel im
not bautiful cause im fat is so depressing. how can i have
self confidence? thanks

How I Regained My Confidence

The Ugliness of Teasing

I Learned to Focus on My Strengths

My Advice to Anyone Who is Not Yet "Cool"

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