Your parents or guardians are the people who’ve cared for you most—if not all—of your life. They are there to love and support you and to help you work through life’s challenges—and most do. But what happens if your parents or guardians are not people you can talk to about important things, like sexuality, or even worse, if you have a really bad relationship with them in general? What do you do?

Not the Person You Want to Talk To

Thirteen-year-old Zak from Florida says, “My parents don’t even want to talk about sex. I try to bring up the subject, but they always change it. It’s very uncomfortable talking to them about sex.”

Some parents get nervous when you try to talk with them about sexuality. And in some instances, you fear they’ll get angry if you’re honest with them about your questions or behaviors. Or, as in Carmen’s case, they’ve made it clear that there are some topics they just won’t talk to you about.

“My parents seem to think avoiding awkward discussions is the way to keep me out of trouble, but in reality, there are tons of things I would love to be able to talk about with them. It’s unfortunate. I wish more parents would open up, because I would feel better about myself if I could confide in them,” says Carmen, 18, of Missouri.

“I don’t talk to my parents about anything, because we don’t really talk at all. It’s annoying, because I feel like they just don’t care, and that stresses me out,” says Rachel, 16, of New Jersey.

Words Can Hurt

All teens deserve the unconditional love and support of their parents or guardians, but unfortunately that doesn’t always happen. Parents are human, and there are times when they can’t meet their child’s needs. You may not realize this, but a lot of times parents are having a lot of stress at work, caring for their own parents or dealing with financial worries. But even if they’re stressed out, taking that stress out on you through name-calling or putting you down is something that should never happen. And if it does happen, it can be especially hurtful, because the words are coming from the people who should love you the most.

When asked about how she would react to a hurtful situation, 16-year-old KeriAnn, of New Jersey, says “I would hope that [my parents] would be adult enough about the situation to apologize to me. And then, I might be still upset, but I would try to forget the situation and move on.”

Having your parents or guardians say hurtful things can affect your emotional stability and damage your self-confidence. What’s really important, though, is not to ignore what happened.

Find a counselor, like the one at your school, or a trusted adult to talk to about the way you feel. This can help you deal with your feelings and remind you that you’re not to blame for a parent or guardian’s poor behavior.

Trusted Adults

An adult you trust can help you maintain your sanity in a difficult situation or work through a tough issue. This person can be an aunt, uncle, teacher, friends’ parent, guidance counselor or any adult you know, feel comfortable with and can honestly say wants what’s best for you.

Jon, 15, of New Jersey, found a trusted adult in his older sister, Jeanette, who is 25 years old. “We had similar struggles with my little sister’s medical problems and our crazy parents, and I trusted her. I talk to her about everything.”

Trust takes time to build. It took time for Ryan, 17, of New Jersey, to build a trusting relationship with his shop teacher, but it did happen over time.

“I didn’t automatically trust my shop teacher. I grew to trust her, because she told me stories about her childhood, and we had a lot in common. Now I feel comfortable talking to her about anything.”

Everybody deserves to have an adult they can talk with and trust to support them. So, while your parents or guardians may not always be the people you can talk to or get advice from, it’s OK to find other trusted adults when you need help.