“If I had it to do all over, I would have liked to have gotten to know my partner for about four or five years before having a child with him.”
—Anna, 20, NJ
Masturbation: Nice Girls Do!
Originally Published: Jun 22, 2001
Revised: Dec 13, 2007
In the privacy of your own bathroom or bedroom, you feel the need to please yourself sexually. What have you just contemplated? Masturbation. It’s the intentional stimulation of one’s body and genitals to feel pleasure and orgasm. It’s a perfectly normal sexual activity; and many people consider it healthy, too. However, some cultures disapprove of masturbation, and some religious beliefs consider it a sin.
“Males and females masturbate for the same benefits,” says Beverly Whipple, PhD, RN, and professor emeritus at Rutgers University, in New Jersey. “The most significant benefits are that it feels good, helps us learn more about our bodies to communicate to our lovers, and serves as a sexual outlet. Also, with the rise of sexually transmitted diseases, it’s a form of safer sex."
Natalie, 17
Different for Girls
Though it’s not proven that everyone masturbates, a large number of guys and girls “walk the dog” or “double click the mouse.” But while many guys are comfortable talking with each other about masturbation, the story changes when girls come into play. For many girls, masturbation seems “bad,” something they should be ashamed to admit they do.
“Some girls don’t masturbate because they think it’s dirty,” says Ashley Fisk, 16, of Spokane, Washington. “There’s this perception that guys get horny and girls really don’t. With masturbation, it’s hard for girls to get past thinking, ’This is bad; this is wrong.’”
Eighteen-year-old Sarah, from St. Louis, Missouri, agrees.
“Society says masturbation is wrong for women, but almost encourages it for men,” she says. “It really makes me mad that there’s such a double standard.”
“Males are encouraged to be sexual and masturbate, but girls are more likely to be seen as ’slutty,’ ’selfish,’ or ’sinful,’ if they do,” explains Konstance McCaffree, Ph.D., associate professor of sexuality education at Widener University, in Chester, Pennsylvania.
“However,” she continues, “girls are supposed to have orgasms and really enjoy sex with a partner. Well, it’s tough to enjoy sex with a partner when you don’t know what feels good or how your body reacts best from sexual touching.”
Know Yourself
Girls and guys experience many of the same benefits from masturbation. It teaches them what feels good. For girls, masturbation can have other physical and emotional benefits. Orgasm can help relieve menstrual cramps. Masturbation also gives girls the outlet to enjoy sexual pleasure without feeling pressured by a partner to perform a certain way.
"Girls and women spend a lot of time taking care of other people," explains McCaffree. "But with masturbation, we can enjoy learning about what turns us on, what kinds of touches arouse us, and at what tempo or speed. We can learn about ourselves without thinking about a partner's opinions."
Ultimately, masturbation can help young women develop a sense of self-confidence, which helps them make healthy sexual choices. It’s a perfect way for girls to explore or experiment with their own bodies, and learn what they like or dislike. After all, girls, if you don’t please yourselves – who will?
Jenny Bickel, a Sex, Etc. national correspondent from St. Louis, Missouri, contributed to this story.
Editors’ Note: Sex, Etc. asked one of its online health and sexuality experts to reveal the truth behind five popular masturbation myths.
Masturbation Myths
Myth: Masturbation is bad
Masturbation is very normal and healthy. It can relieve strong sexual urges without risking pregnancy or disease. And it can teach a person about his or her own sexual responses. Some people masturbate, and others do not - both are normal.
Myth: You're no longer a virgin if you masturbate.
There is no set definition of what makes someone a “virgin,” but most people agree that it typically involves having sex with another person. Some girls will insert something into the vagina for sexual pleasure, but still consider themselves virgins. A tampon goes into the vagina, too, but most people agree that you don’t lose your virginity by using tampons. So, you’ll need to decide for yourself what makes you a virgin or not.
Myth: You're hard up if you masturbate.
All people feel sexual urges and sexual tension at one time or another, and masturbation is a great way to relieve those feelings -- without getting a sexual transmitted disease or an unwanted pregnancy. Masturbation is also a way to learn about your body, and give yourself risk-free pleasure, with someone you love -- you!
Myth: Nice girls don't!
Whether or not a girl masturbates is really a personal decision based on her own values and religious beliefs. But girls and women should be able to express themselves sexually in any way that they want. They can feel pleasure in a safe and responsible way, and feel good about it. And nice girls do!
Myth: If you're in a great relationship, you don't need to masturbate.
People who have and don’t have sexual partners masturbate. The sensations that are created from self-stimulation can be different and unique from sexual stimulation with a partner -- and many people enjoy both expressions of their sexuality.
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Your Comments
RE: Should I?
Posted by: DanR on Jul 8th, 2008 9:51am
Masturbation is a very personal thing, and only you can
decide if it is right for you. It is normal if you do, and
normal is you do not. It can't harm you in any way
physically, but some people do have religious or moral
beliefs that are against masturbation. I would suggest
getting all the facts you can, and looking at your own
beliefs and then make a decision that is right for you!
Should I?
Posted by: PinkAndBlack on Jul 3rd, 2008 12:33pm
Okay, I feel weird, Im 12, going on 13 soon, Im a girl ^^
And Ive learned in school about sex, and was wondering,
should I masturbate? it sounds silly to me, but id just like
to know what you guys think.
Whats with all these preferences
Posted by: LyfNhARMONY on Mar 23rd, 2008 7:10pm
Society sucks. We already have a capitalist government and
it's destroying our economy. My body is the only thing in
this world that I can claim exclusively. I'll be darned if
someone else is going to tell me what to do with my own
body. That's a sucky double standard. And I hate it.
RE: Masterbating....
Posted by: DanR on Mar 14th, 2008 7:55am
I'm so sorry to hear that your friend did that to you. If
you are confused about your sexual orientation, there is no
need to rush into labeling yourself as straight or bi or
whatever. Take your time to explore and understand those
feelings. What you are going through is completely normal
and just takes some time to figure out, so don't rush into
anything that you are not 100% comfortable with. Check out
this link for more information:
http://www.sexetc.org/faq/glbtq/2736.
Masterbating....
Posted by: shorty_prep on Mar 13th, 2008 11:04pm
i love masterbating, it gets my mind off of stressful
things
and i just love the feeling. ive been practicing
abstinance,
but im getting really curious about sex and want
to have it soon!!
i also think im bi i have told a friend
and now it went around the whole school everyone hates me
now!!
but im not really sure if i am or not, and im so
confused by
it. Girls just seems to be atractive to me! i
dont know why im like that?? HELP?
masturbation
Posted by: midget722 on Mar 11th, 2008 7:40pm
I masturbate,I do it so that if my boyfriend and I ever do
plan to have sex that I can tell him how to make it so I
enjoy it too, so that he's not the only who is enjoying it.
You can't really know what to tell your partner to do if you
are not sure yourself. I just wish that this was a topic
that I could to talk to my friends about, so being able to
say it on here and know that other people feel the same way
as I do make me feel that I am not weird for doing it. So
thanks
RE: i masturbate
Posted by: DanR on Mar 7th, 2008 10:00am
Some people feel that masturbation is a way to really get to
know your own body and know what feels good to you. In
turn, when you are with a partner, that person will
not know
your body as well as you do, so at first, sexual activity
may not be as pleasurable. This can be resolved with just a
little bit of time and some honest communication with your
partner. Masturbating (or not masturbating) will not
directly help or hurt your experience with your partner.
i masturbate
Posted by: eyesXsownXshut on Mar 6th, 2008 5:14pm
but recently i've stopped because i want to have sex with my
boyfriend. i was wondering, since i stopped would it feel
better with him than if i masturbated all the time and then
had sex with him?
masterbating
Posted by: challenger43 on Feb 11th, 2008 1:36am
i love masterbating, it gets my mind off of stressful things
and i just plain like it. ive been practicing abstinance,
but im getting really curious about sex and want to have it
but im just addicited to self pleasure, i also think im bi
but im not really sure if i am or not, and im so confused by
it.
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I Do.
Posted by: Shuree on Jul 8th, 2008 4:35pm
this is a very personal thing for me to do and my friends
and I were talking about for like a minute and I was afraid
to admit it to all of them.it was a little awkward because,
I didn't want them to think that I was weird any way,but
it's my body and if you want to and feel comfortable with
it..then just do it.I have a gf and everything but, i like
to do it rather I'm with someone or not.