“It's true that some guys want to just have sex, but it's…a stereotype [that gets] put on us all.”
—Devin, 16, CO
Masturbation: Girls, Let's Admit It
Originally Published: Mar 17, 2005
Revised: Feb 26, 2007
It's freshman year. I look pretty awkward in a shirt that has something suggestive spelled out on it, and I'm hoping my padded bra will really work its over-priced wonders.
Ana Bacic
Photo by Pryde Brown
I'm with a group of classmates, several of them boys who are bragging about their bimonthly shaving and daily jerking-off ritual. Their last comment elicits "ewws" from us girls, since we're expected to act grossed out while they glorify their adolescent sexuality.
Eventually, one of the boys asks us if we ever "pet our bunnies" (what a poet!). We hesitate for a moment. We look in each other's eyes for an answer: Would it be OK to say, "Hell yes, we masturbate"? Instead, we blabber in unison, "No, that's so disgusting!" They knew from the start that we'd say no, because, well, girls just don't masturbate.
It took me two years to proudly say, "Yea, I masturbate," and to wonder why it was wrong for us girls to admit to doing something that feels so amazingly good. Masturbation doesn't make us blind. It doesn't hurt. And it certainly does not make us pregnant.
Boy, was I wrong. A lot of us masturbate. We all know what's down there, and I'm sure a majority of us know what a clitoris looks like. (If you don't, play some good tunes, grab a mirror, and check yourself out. It won't hurt and it's not dirty. We all do this sometime or another.) A lot of us also know that touching ourselves near the clitoris will provoke some great sensations. Some of us have been doing this since our preteen years, while others take longer to get the hang of it.
Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress and sexual buildup. Plus, it's a private, intimate way to achieve orgasm without risking pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. When you are ready for sex, masturbation can help you learn what parts of your body are the most responsive, and what moves feel the best
I'm sure we're all familiar with the sexual double standards. A boy who has frequent sex is called a "stud," and his male associates look up to him. (While a girl, we know, is called a "slut.") It's less surprising for a man to cheat on his partner, and it's common belief that men just have a raging sexuality that can't be restrained.
But just because guys need to live up to a pumped-up standard of aggressive sexuality doesn't mean that we have to be the polar opposite—meek, naïve, and sexually submissive. Just because guys need to prove and glorify their manhood through one-night stands, that doesn't mean we have to suffer from these exaggerated expectations.
Girls have bodies, too. We have the ability to orgasm (and multiple orgasm: compensation for having only a peanut-sized clitoris). And for too long we've been forced into silence and guilt about discovering and enjoying our sexuality. I'm coming out of this position, because I've realized that I'm only contributing to this suppression of my sexual expression by being silent, guilt-ridden, and shamefaced.
So, let's shock ourselves. Let's shock those oh-so-sexually liberated men, and admit, proudly and confidently, that we don't need another person to feel good about our bodies. Let's admit that we're strong enough, brave enough, and confident enough to not fear a taboo that works against us.
My name is Ana Bacic, and if it weren't for all those gorgeous men and women out there, I'd probably be in a monogamous relationship with myself.
Photo by Pryde Brown
I'm with a group of classmates, several of them boys who are bragging about their bimonthly shaving and daily jerking-off ritual. Their last comment elicits "ewws" from us girls, since we're expected to act grossed out while they glorify their adolescent sexuality.
Eventually, one of the boys asks us if we ever "pet our bunnies" (what a poet!). We hesitate for a moment. We look in each other's eyes for an answer: Would it be OK to say, "Hell yes, we masturbate"? Instead, we blabber in unison, "No, that's so disgusting!" They knew from the start that we'd say no, because, well, girls just don't masturbate.
It took me two years to proudly say, "Yea, I masturbate," and to wonder why it was wrong for us girls to admit to doing something that feels so amazingly good. Masturbation doesn't make us blind. It doesn't hurt. And it certainly does not make us pregnant.
Not the Only Girl
When I first started masturbating, I felt like I was doing something wrong, something "unnatural." It was as if I was ashamed of what I was doing, even though I enjoyed it tremendously in the moment. None of my girlfriends talked about it, and everyone made it seem like girls didn't masturbate. I thought I was the only girl doing it.Boy, was I wrong. A lot of us masturbate. We all know what's down there, and I'm sure a majority of us know what a clitoris looks like. (If you don't, play some good tunes, grab a mirror, and check yourself out. It won't hurt and it's not dirty. We all do this sometime or another.) A lot of us also know that touching ourselves near the clitoris will provoke some great sensations. Some of us have been doing this since our preteen years, while others take longer to get the hang of it.
Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress and sexual buildup. Plus, it's a private, intimate way to achieve orgasm without risking pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. When you are ready for sex, masturbation can help you learn what parts of your body are the most responsive, and what moves feel the best
Shock Yourself
So, what's stopping us? Why do we feel ashamed to explore our own bodies, and actually feel really, really great in the process? Moreover, why are we afraid to admit that we masturbate?I'm sure we're all familiar with the sexual double standards. A boy who has frequent sex is called a "stud," and his male associates look up to him. (While a girl, we know, is called a "slut.") It's less surprising for a man to cheat on his partner, and it's common belief that men just have a raging sexuality that can't be restrained.
But just because guys need to live up to a pumped-up standard of aggressive sexuality doesn't mean that we have to be the polar opposite—meek, naïve, and sexually submissive. Just because guys need to prove and glorify their manhood through one-night stands, that doesn't mean we have to suffer from these exaggerated expectations.
Girls have bodies, too. We have the ability to orgasm (and multiple orgasm: compensation for having only a peanut-sized clitoris). And for too long we've been forced into silence and guilt about discovering and enjoying our sexuality. I'm coming out of this position, because I've realized that I'm only contributing to this suppression of my sexual expression by being silent, guilt-ridden, and shamefaced.
So, let's shock ourselves. Let's shock those oh-so-sexually liberated men, and admit, proudly and confidently, that we don't need another person to feel good about our bodies. Let's admit that we're strong enough, brave enough, and confident enough to not fear a taboo that works against us.
My name is Ana Bacic, and if it weren't for all those gorgeous men and women out there, I'd probably be in a monogamous relationship with myself.
Editors' Note: For a guy's take on masturbation, check out "Masturbation: Guys, It's Expected," by Lex Wolfe.
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Your Comments
RE: Wondering.
Posted by: DanR on Jul 8th, 2008 10:23am
Masturbation is a very personal thing, and only you
can
decide if it is right for you. It is normal if you do,
and
normal is you do not. It can't harm you in any
way
physically, but some people do have religious or
moral
beliefs that are against masturbation. I would
suggest
getting all the facts you can, and looking at your
own
beliefs and then make a decision that is right for you!
Wondering.
Posted by: PinkAndBlack on Jul 3rd, 2008 10:00pm
Im 12, (going on 13) and was wondering if I should
Masturbate or not. Id really like to know. TY ^^
*is ashamed of self*
Posted by: .nooneknows13 on Jun 19th, 2008 2:49pm
i started young, maybe 8 or 9.
not vaginal, clitoral.
me and
my younger sister one day ended up discussing it and she's
the only person that knows.
i always feel so ashamed of
myself afterwards.
and when someone asks if i do, i always
say NO and have guilty thoughts about lying.
but hey, its a
personal thing.
i dont think i'll ever be able to be open
about it.
i'll admit it...
Posted by: proud2bme16 on Jun 16th, 2008 2:05am
i do it...all the time...but of course, i'm definitely not
comfy telling anyone about it out loud...my guy friends tell
me about how they masturbate all the time and i never even
think about mentioning the fact that i do it...even when one
of them said it was ok if i did....but i think i'll
eventually reach a point when i can admit it to anyone who
asks....
I got to try this again
Posted by: JustCurious94 on May 18th, 2008 7:44pm
I've done this before in my younger days, but never got an
orgasm. Maybe i should do it a little bit softer this time.
Im a little ashamed though but im still goin to try it!!!!
RE: starting off young
Posted by: DanR on May 13th, 2008 2:32pm
Masturbation is a very private thing. Some people may feel
OK discussing it and others may not. If you really want to
discuss masturbation with your friends, I would see how they
feel about talking about it first. You may want to try
looking at the Sex, etc web site with some friends and look
at a masturbation article with your friends and use that to
see how comfortable they feel talking about this. You will
also need to respect their feelings if they are not open to
this conversation.
starting off young
Posted by: courtney93 on May 12th, 2008 9:54pm
i have been masturbating for a very long time, and since i
was in elementary school. i didn't even know what
masturbation was and i thought vagina was a bad word! i
always thought it was such a bad thing and after EVERY time
i did it i would promise myself i would stop. i would never
be able to, and now that i'm older i see no point in it.
it's an awkward converstion to have with friends, unless
we're joking around. how can i talk about masturbation to
them seriously?
RE: is it bad for christians 2 do?
Posted by: DanR on May 5th, 2008 11:19am
I think the reason you have not been able to get a "real"
answer is because the answer to this question will vary
depending on whom you ask. It is really a matter of
opinion, and some people say it is, and some people say it
is not. My answer to you is that you have to do what feels
right to you, but I will also encourage you to check out
this story on our web site called Masturbation: Solitary Sin
or Safe Satisfaction?. Here is the link:
http://www.sexetc.org/story/girls_health/1971.
is it bad for christians 2 do?
Posted by: happy_happy_joy on May 2nd, 2008 7:27pm
okay im worried cuz my mom gave me a book about sex(this was
awhile after she gave me the talk)and in it it says that
masturbation is good but some religions consider it a sin.
back then i thought it was talking about some asian religion
or somthin.well i didnt know about masturbation until i read
that.and then i-ya know tried it? anyway now im starting 2
hear ppl hint that its bad 4 christians 2 do.ive tried
asking this on other sites but noone will give me a real
answer.sum1 plz tell me 4 sure
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Religious
Posted by: Shuree on Jul 8th, 2008 5:00pm
I'm Christian and I do it. Sometimes I feel as though I
shouldn't be doing it. I feel ashamed but,great at the same
time. I've been doing it since i was little, I didn't know
what it was called back then,but when I found out what it
was I felt weird that I had been doing it.but, I feel a
little more comfortable now.