“Make sure you know your partner. You might think he or she is perfect. But they might have a sexual history before you, and they are too shy to let it out.”
—Joshua, 17, New Jersey
Masturbation: Girls, Let's Admit It
Originally Published: Mar 17, 2005
Revised: Feb 26, 2007
It's freshman year. I look pretty awkward in a shirt that has something suggestive spelled out on it, and I'm hoping my padded bra will really work its over-priced wonders.
Ana Bacic
Photo by Pryde Brown
I'm with a group of classmates, several of them boys who are bragging about their bimonthly shaving and daily jerking-off ritual. Their last comment elicits "ewws" from us girls, since we're expected to act grossed out while they glorify their adolescent sexuality.
Eventually, one of the boys asks us if we ever "pet our bunnies" (what a poet!). We hesitate for a moment. We look in each other's eyes for an answer: Would it be OK to say, "Hell yes, we masturbate"? Instead, we blabber in unison, "No, that's so disgusting!" They knew from the start that we'd say no, because, well, girls just don't masturbate.
It took me two years to proudly say, "Yea, I masturbate," and to wonder why it was wrong for us girls to admit to doing something that feels so amazingly good. Masturbation doesn't make us blind. It doesn't hurt. And it certainly does not make us pregnant.
Boy, was I wrong. A lot of us masturbate. We all know what's down there, and I'm sure a majority of us know what a clitoris looks like. (If you don't, play some good tunes, grab a mirror, and check yourself out. It won't hurt and it's not dirty. We all do this sometime or another.) A lot of us also know that touching ourselves near the clitoris will provoke some great sensations. Some of us have been doing this since our preteen years, while others take longer to get the hang of it.
Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress and sexual buildup. Plus, it's a private, intimate way to achieve orgasm without risking pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. When you are ready for sex, masturbation can help you learn what parts of your body are the most responsive, and what moves feel the best
I'm sure we're all familiar with the sexual double standards. A boy who has frequent sex is called a "stud," and his male associates look up to him. (While a girl, we know, is called a "slut.") It's less surprising for a man to cheat on his partner, and it's common belief that men just have a raging sexuality that can't be restrained.
But just because guys need to live up to a pumped-up standard of aggressive sexuality doesn't mean that we have to be the polar opposite—meek, naïve, and sexually submissive. Just because guys need to prove and glorify their manhood through one-night stands, that doesn't mean we have to suffer from these exaggerated expectations.
Girls have bodies, too. We have the ability to orgasm (and multiple orgasm: compensation for having only a peanut-sized clitoris). And for too long we've been forced into silence and guilt about discovering and enjoying our sexuality. I'm coming out of this position, because I've realized that I'm only contributing to this suppression of my sexual expression by being silent, guilt-ridden, and shamefaced.
So, let's shock ourselves. Let's shock those oh-so-sexually liberated men, and admit, proudly and confidently, that we don't need another person to feel good about our bodies. Let's admit that we're strong enough, brave enough, and confident enough to not fear a taboo that works against us.
My name is Ana Bacic, and if it weren't for all those gorgeous men and women out there, I'd probably be in a monogamous relationship with myself.
Photo by Pryde Brown
I'm with a group of classmates, several of them boys who are bragging about their bimonthly shaving and daily jerking-off ritual. Their last comment elicits "ewws" from us girls, since we're expected to act grossed out while they glorify their adolescent sexuality.
Eventually, one of the boys asks us if we ever "pet our bunnies" (what a poet!). We hesitate for a moment. We look in each other's eyes for an answer: Would it be OK to say, "Hell yes, we masturbate"? Instead, we blabber in unison, "No, that's so disgusting!" They knew from the start that we'd say no, because, well, girls just don't masturbate.
It took me two years to proudly say, "Yea, I masturbate," and to wonder why it was wrong for us girls to admit to doing something that feels so amazingly good. Masturbation doesn't make us blind. It doesn't hurt. And it certainly does not make us pregnant.
Not the Only Girl
When I first started masturbating, I felt like I was doing something wrong, something "unnatural." It was as if I was ashamed of what I was doing, even though I enjoyed it tremendously in the moment. None of my girlfriends talked about it, and everyone made it seem like girls didn't masturbate. I thought I was the only girl doing it.Boy, was I wrong. A lot of us masturbate. We all know what's down there, and I'm sure a majority of us know what a clitoris looks like. (If you don't, play some good tunes, grab a mirror, and check yourself out. It won't hurt and it's not dirty. We all do this sometime or another.) A lot of us also know that touching ourselves near the clitoris will provoke some great sensations. Some of us have been doing this since our preteen years, while others take longer to get the hang of it.
Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress and sexual buildup. Plus, it's a private, intimate way to achieve orgasm without risking pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. When you are ready for sex, masturbation can help you learn what parts of your body are the most responsive, and what moves feel the best
Shock Yourself
So, what's stopping us? Why do we feel ashamed to explore our own bodies, and actually feel really, really great in the process? Moreover, why are we afraid to admit that we masturbate?I'm sure we're all familiar with the sexual double standards. A boy who has frequent sex is called a "stud," and his male associates look up to him. (While a girl, we know, is called a "slut.") It's less surprising for a man to cheat on his partner, and it's common belief that men just have a raging sexuality that can't be restrained.
But just because guys need to live up to a pumped-up standard of aggressive sexuality doesn't mean that we have to be the polar opposite—meek, naïve, and sexually submissive. Just because guys need to prove and glorify their manhood through one-night stands, that doesn't mean we have to suffer from these exaggerated expectations.
Girls have bodies, too. We have the ability to orgasm (and multiple orgasm: compensation for having only a peanut-sized clitoris). And for too long we've been forced into silence and guilt about discovering and enjoying our sexuality. I'm coming out of this position, because I've realized that I'm only contributing to this suppression of my sexual expression by being silent, guilt-ridden, and shamefaced.
So, let's shock ourselves. Let's shock those oh-so-sexually liberated men, and admit, proudly and confidently, that we don't need another person to feel good about our bodies. Let's admit that we're strong enough, brave enough, and confident enough to not fear a taboo that works against us.
My name is Ana Bacic, and if it weren't for all those gorgeous men and women out there, I'd probably be in a monogamous relationship with myself.
Editors' Note: For a guy's take on masturbation, check out "Masturbation: Guys, It's Expected," by Lex Wolfe.
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Your Comments
It Just Feels Good
Posted by: theritegirl on Dec 2nd, 2009 12:25am
There is a reason why we masturbate. Its because it feels
good. I know it helps with getting to know your body and
with relationships. I even dont mind watching guys
masturbate, its just a turn on. But its funny how we all do
it but we dont talk about it like guys do or as much as they
do.
re: very confused
Posted by: CJT on Nov 11th, 2009 12:35pm
There's no exact limit or guideline of how much masturbation
is OK and how much isn't. Generally, as long as it's not
getting in the way of the rest of your life (school, family,
friends, etc.) then it's fine. People have different levels
of desire so it's all about what feels right for you. You
don't need to tell people you masturbate unless you want to.
It's a personal choice, not something you are required to
share unless you really want to do so.
very confused at 16
Posted by: carmel princess on Nov 11th, 2009 10:50am
how do you know if you masterbate too much? is there a limit
to it. how do u tell others that your doing it?
Re: Still don't know
Posted by: CJT on Sep 30th, 2009 8:04am
People define virginity differently but most of the time the
definition involves some kind of partnered sex. Typically
masturbation is not included in that, since it's something
you're doing for yourself. There's still a big double
standard out there, that it's OK and great for guys to
masturbate, but not for girls. That's really just not fair.
Masturbation can be a really safe and healthy way to explore
your sexuality without risking pregnancy or STDs.
Still Don't Know...
Posted by: Domonique on Sep 29th, 2009 10:58pm
I have been masturbating ever since I was twelve, and I am
worried that I am not a virgin anymore. My friends say that
if you masturbate, you're not a virgin. And i don't want to
be called a slut or whore. My dad says to keep my virginity
until I am married, and i don't know if i have disobeyed him
or not. Have I?
i'm a girl who loves to msturbate!
Posted by: ily16 on Sep 15th, 2009 8:08am
i have been admit to people that i msturbate just like
guy.my boyfriend found it to be a turn on,i cant blame him
those.it was embarassing at first but after i found out my
best friend dose it,and she was pround of it. so hey why not
me,there nothing wrong with it. i enjoy fingering and i
might add my boyfriend loves it too. i never feel bad or
think im slut....i'm just a girl who loves to msturbate!
woot
Posted by: syriana on Sep 13th, 2009 12:11am
I am also a guy and my girlfriend and i both know each other
masturbates. so when we did, it brought us closer together,
and without the risk of getting her pregnant we can also
stimulate each other.
Re: I feel like I'm addicted to this
Posted by: CJT on Sep 8th, 2009 7:40am
Girls, just like guys, vary a lot in their interest in
masturbation and how often they do it. "Addiction" is a
loaded term, but generally if the behavior is not getting in
the way of other things you want/need to be doing in life,
you are ok. As for virginity, people define it differently,
and it doesn't have to do with what or how much you can fit
into your vagina. For more info about the concept of
virginity, check this
out:
http://www.sexetc.org/story/deciding_sex/1889
i feel like i'm addicted to this
Posted by: mai on Sep 7th, 2009 11:11am
i'm new here and i find your topic very
interesting....
anyways i'm now 21y.o...
still didn't
experience having sex...
but i do masturbate.... i like
it... and almost do it everyday... i love fingering as well
as touching my clit.
but i'm just confuse.. am i still a
virgin?? when in fact i can put 3 of my fingers in my
vagina....
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I masturbate and I don't care who knows!
Posted by: Sweetie_bishh on Dec 31st, 2009 9:07pm
Yeah, I'm 13 and I do masturbate, a lot too. I love to
finger myself, it feels good. I don't get why t's so wrong
and a big deal?