“Everyone has become so scared to be thought of as ‘gay' that they worry about being called gay when complimenting a guy's shoe. It's childish, immature and very insecure.”
—Rodney, 16, NY
Sex Education by Teens, for Teens!
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“Everyone has become so scared to be thought of as ‘gay' that they worry about being called gay when complimenting a guy's shoe. It's childish, immature and very insecure.”
—Rodney, 16, NY
Originally Published: Dec 1, 2001
Revised: Jun 18, 2007
![]() Photo by Pyrde Brown Alex, 17, Staff Writer |
Eventually, I realized how hard it would be to hide my feelings from my friends and family, and especially to any boy that I liked. Then I developed a really big crush on my friend and had no one to talk to about anything. I decided it was time to come out.
I remember how scared I was the first time I told anyone I was gay, but as I told more and more people, the whole process became less stressful.
The Internet was very helpful when I first came out to anyone. Online, I told my closest friend, Jessica, that I had something very important to tell her. After biting my lip and clicking my mouse, it was done. I knew she would be cool with it because she knew a few gay people already. After it was all over, I felt really good being able to talk about being gay with somebody.
The only problem ahead was telling my parents; I left them in the dark. I would sneak around to go out with other guys, lying to them about where I went. My parents have gay friends, and I have a few gay family members, but I didn't know how my parents would react to their own son being gay.
One day, I decided enough was enough, so I sat my mom down first and flat out told her. She told me that she and my father already knew, but weren't too sure.
My parents were willing to accept my sexuality because I was their son. I was very lucky, because I know people whose parents reacted in weird ways. People who have been kicked out, verbally abused and even physically assaulted.
Now, everything is fine; my friends and family accept my sexuality and I'm living an open lifestyle. I never feel uncomfortable when people ask me if I'm gay, and I don't feel different anymore. Being gay is just a part of who I am; it's not me as a whole.
I didn't have any role models or people I could look up to for advice in the coming out process, but now I'm part of my high school's Gay-Straight Alliance, where we help promote tolerance and diversity throughout the school.
Besides pure relief, there are many reasons to come out: stopping secrets, being able to talk openly to friends and family, eliminating the fear of being "found out," getting rid of the pressure to find an opposite-sex partner and – Wooohoo! – kissing that cute boy/girl you've had your eye on.
"Coming out makes many gay teens feel better because they're being honest and true to themselves," says Amy Kobeta, spokesperson for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), in Washington, D.C.
But Kobeta says that teens face different issues than adults when they come out.
"Teens are legally minors who are physically and financially dependent on their parents or guardians. So, it's important for them to try and predict how their families are going to react, and make plans for what to do if the news isn't handled well," Kobeta explains.
So, if you're a gay teen who wants to come out, reach out to others for help. You can call a hotline or friend you trust, go to a support group, or talk to your doctor or health care provider or a school nurse. Some people are required by law to help—especially if your situation is potentially life-threatening.
With the help of Amy Kobeta of PFLAG, I compiled this list of helpful advice for coming out.
Editor's Note: Are you a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender youth who needs support right now? You can call the Trevor Helpline at 1-800-4-U-TREVOR (1-800-488-7386). Trained adults offer crisis intervention, 24 hours a day.
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Posted by: sergei on Jun 20th, 2007 9:27pm
is there an email where i can ask about what and how old i
have to be to have sex? im 14 and gay and had sex befor. but
is that safe? (i use condums.
Dear Sergei
Posted by: rbarar on Jun 21st, 2007 11:58am
You can post specific questions to our Ask the Experts
feature and get a response within 24 hours, or you can check
out our Chats or Forums for advice. You might also want to
look at our FAQ on sex and age at
http://www.sexetc.org/faq/deciding_sex/613 and read some of
the comments posted there.