Growing up, I always felt I was different from everyone else. I had a lot of friends, played sports—all the normal boy stuff. But something was different. When I was about 12 or 13, I began to realize that I was attracted to other guys. It excited me to think about my guy friends and male peers in a sexual way. There was always pressure among my peers to have a girlfriend, so I did. But I only seemed to date my friends. Kissing girls never seemed to excite me at all.

I was extremely hesitant to put any labels on myself for the extreme fear of being eternally "different." In the news and at school, I always heard about hate crimes against gays and lesbians, so I was scared to be gay. My peers always used—and still use—words like "fag" and "queer." Being gay seemed so negative; I didn't want to be left out or made fun of.

Photo by Pyrde Brown Alex, 17, Staff Writer

Eventually, I realized how hard it would be to hide my feelings from my friends and family, and especially to any boy that I liked. Then I developed a really big crush on my friend and had no one to talk to about anything. I decided it was time to come out.

I remember how scared I was the first time I told anyone I was gay, but as I told more and more people, the whole process became less stressful.

The Internet was very helpful when I first came out to anyone. Online, I told my closest friend, Jessica, that I had something very important to tell her. After biting my lip and clicking my mouse, it was done. I knew she would be cool with it because she knew a few gay people already. After it was all over, I felt really good being able to talk about being gay with somebody.

The only problem ahead was telling my parents; I left them in the dark. I would sneak around to go out with other guys, lying to them about where I went. My parents have gay friends, and I have a few gay family members, but I didn't know how my parents would react to their own son being gay.

One day, I decided enough was enough, so I sat my mom down first and flat out told her. She told me that she and my father already knew, but weren't too sure.

My parents were willing to accept my sexuality because I was their son. I was very lucky, because I know people whose parents reacted in weird ways. People who have been kicked out, verbally abused and even physically assaulted.

Now, everything is fine; my friends and family accept my sexuality and I'm living an open lifestyle. I never feel uncomfortable when people ask me if I'm gay, and I don't feel different anymore. Being gay is just a part of who I am; it's not me as a whole.

I didn't have any role models or people I could look up to for advice in the coming out process, but now I'm part of my high school's Gay-Straight Alliance, where we help promote tolerance and diversity throughout the school.

Why Come Out?

Besides pure relief, there are many reasons to come out: stopping secrets, being able to talk openly to friends and family, eliminating the fear of being "found out," getting rid of the pressure to find an opposite-sex partner and – Wooohoo! – kissing that cute boy/girl you've had your eye on.

"Coming out makes many gay teens feel better because they're being honest and true to themselves," says Amy Kobeta, spokesperson for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), in Washington, D.C.

But Kobeta says that teens face different issues than adults when they come out.

"Teens are legally minors who are physically and financially dependent on their parents or guardians. So, it's important for them to try and predict how their families are going to react, and make plans for what to do if the news isn't handled well," Kobeta explains.

So, if you're a gay teen who wants to come out, reach out to others for help. You can call a hotline or friend you trust, go to a support group, or talk to your doctor or health care provider or a school nurse. Some people are required by law to help—especially if your situation is potentially life-threatening.

Getting Support

With the help of Amy Kobeta of PFLAG, I compiled this list of helpful advice for coming out.

• Before you come out, determine how comfortable you feel about yourself. Are you willing to have conversations about your sexuality?
• Pay attention to the comments and conversations of people around you. In general ways, their words show how they feel about gays, lesbians and bisexual people. But remember that their feelings can change when someone they know comes out—they may have a more negative or positive reaction.
• It's usually safer to tell one person at a time. People are less likely to put up a front when you're alone with them.
• Don't come out by introducing people to your boyfriend/girlfriend. This forces them to accept two things at once. First, that you're gay, and second, that you're involved with another gay person. It's easier for many people to take new information in smaller doses, especially if they’ve never met gay or lesbian people before.
• Be ready to field offensive questions. People may ask things like, "Doesn't God hate queers?" or "Gay people are all child molesters." Don't let this anger you. Remember, they have a lot to learn and you've had time to think and learn about your sexuality. Have some information for them—a book or a pamphlet, or information on organizations that educate about LGBT issues.
• Be prepared. Some people will experience shock and even confusion because of your news. Remind them that you're still the same person you've always been. You're just sharing more about yourself. There may be people who will not be supportive when you come out to them. If a person you're friends with completely abandons you because you're gay, lesbian or bi, know that he or she really isn't your friend. Find new friends who accept you for who you are. 
• If you're really afraid that something scary and violent might happen if you come out, that's a sign that coming out now is probably not a good idea. You may want to wait until you're in a safer environment.
• In case things go wrong with your parents, it's important to have some sort of back-up plan. If you need extra support, talk to a trusted sibling first and ask him or her for help.
• Remember, assault is always against the law. If someone gets violent and physically assaults you because of your sexual orientation, go to the police. Many states have hate-crime laws that include the words "sexual orientation" in the definition, which gives the legal system more to work with. Get out of danger, ask for help and take care of yourself. 

Editor's Note: Are you a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender youth who needs support right now? You can call the Trevor Helpline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386). Trained adults offer crisis intervention, 24 hours a day.
 

To find a PFLAG chapter near you, click here.