Sex. All guys are experts at it, right? Well . . . no. Sex is a bit of a burden for many guys. Several of the guys interviewed for this article say their biggest fears are whether they’ll please a partner and whether they’ll measure up.

"I worry if my penis size will satisfy her,’’ says Jeff, a New York teen.

Sizing It Up

But size barely matters, says Tom Klaus, president of Legacy Resource Group, a Carlisle, IA organization, that educates teens and teachers about adolescent health.

"Rarely will women complain because a guy is too small," he says.

So, why do guys think they’ve got to be "so big" to please?

Photo by Sarah Anderson

Probably because that’s what they hear in the locker room, the media and the stubborn "male mythology." (I knew this guy with a 15-inch penis). "It’s all bunk," says Klaus.

"I’ll be really frank," agrees Robbie, a New Jersey teen. "I’m average sized. The thing that worries me is if I am satisfying my partner."

So, how do you know if your partner is happy? Ask him or her. Talking about sex can help make it better. Good relationships (and good sex) grow out of talking to your partner, getting to know him or her, and caring about his or her feelings, needs, and desires. But, it’s more than just talk, it’s action.

"Just because you talk honestly with one another doesn’t guarantee a satisfying sexual relationship," explains Klaus. It takes gestures, touching, emotional closeness, intimacy, and honesty.

It’s also really important that you and your partner decide together whether sex is what you both want. Of course, talking about sex opens the door for your partner to say "no." But you have to be willing to let that happen. Otherwise, you could both end up feeling worse about the relationship, something that Jeff, 17, is afraid of.

"I’m worried she’ll regret it later," he says.

Talking about sex can help prevent regrets, and it can help you steer clear of sexually transmitted diseases, another common worry. If you’re comfortable communicating, you can talk about anything, including sexual histories and condoms.

So what else scares guys about sex? Pregnancy.

"I know my parents will make me keep the baby or disown me," says Robbie. "So I buy the condoms and I put them on."

Embarrassing Erections

One more worry, the dreaded spontaneous erection.

"The first time I had an erection, I was watching TV and I got a glimpse of some breasts, and all of a sudden, HELLO," says Robbie. "I didn’t even know what the hell was going on. A couple of weeks later in class it popped up and I pushed it down, like that was going to help or something.’’

It’s totally normal for guys to get erections for no reason at all, Klaus says. The bad news is they’re tough to control.

"The more you try to control it, the worse it seems to get," he says. So, guys, it’s best to just relax and ride it out. It has to go down sometime.

Mikey Akin, a Sex, Etc. Contributor from Sackets Harbor, NY, contributed to this article.