I can tell you from personal experience that saying no to sex really isn’t that bad. The opportunity rose not long ago when a girl asked me if it was something I wanted. I was very flattered, but I wasn’t interested in having intercourse with her (no offense to the girl, of course).

I thought to myself, “Am I going to take the risk of becoming a father or getting a disease when I don’t even really want the sex?” Absolutely not!

I politely told her that it wasn’t something that I wanted, and things went fine from there. Was there pressure? Sure, but overcoming it wasn’t hard at all. Was I embarrassed? Did I feel like I was less of a man? No way! Being a guy who says no to sex shows you have the maturity required to properly handle a complex situation.

 

Yeah, it can be tough if you’re just the dude caught in the middle of everybody talking about how great sex is or what they did last night. But sometimes you have to wonder if everybody is telling the truth. Let’s face it: Guys lie all the time to look cooler than they really are. Take the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin, for example. Remember the poker-table scene? Andy claimed that he’d had sex with tons of women in order to impress his coworkers, but really he’d never had sex. Much of what you hear from other dudes is crap—don’t let it pressure you.

Still, you may ask, why would a guy turn down sex, especially if it’s with someone who’s cute and offering you the chance to do it with no strings attached? Some guys fear that they wouldn’t be able to respect themselves the next morning if they refused an offer like that.

But what about STDs? What about unplanned pregnancy? Personally, being a father right now would seriously wreck my plans in life. The more I have sex, the more that possibility increases. I’m not going to take a chance.

And what about treating a girl or a guy with respect? If you don’t care about a person, are you going to be concerned about his or her pleasure? Or are you just going to be focused on yourself? Is that fair? Chances are, if you’re having sex when you don’t want to, it’s going to flat-out suck because it’s hard to perform well when you don’t care enough to perform well. On top of that, what if she or he gets emotionally attached, and now wants a relationship? Regardless of the outcome, it’s disrespectful to put the other person in that situation.

Still think you should be pressured into it?Beat the Pressure Sex is a personal choice, and no stereotype about guys will ever change that fact. It is important to note that no matter what type of pressure you encounter, there is nothing wrong with saying no. Guys are allowed to have a voice, too!

I’d argue that it’s even more embarrassing to let a little bit of pressure force you into having sex with someone you don’t want to do it with. You’re more of a man if you stick up for what you believe in than if you fold under pressure.

Overcoming the pressure to have sex really isn’t as hard as it sounds. If someone makes an advance toward you, just tell that person it’s not something you’re looking for right now, and you’ll be fine. It all comes down to respecting your body and yourself. There will always be pressure on you to have sex, guys. But it’s not worth it if it's not something you want. You have every right to say no, regardless of what a stereotype might say. Want to read more stories like this? Subscribe to Sex, Etc. magazine!