The First Time: Any Regrets?

By Angel Alamo, 16, Contributor

Originally Published: Mar 24, 2004

Revised: Nov 10, 2010

José and Diane saw their chance.

Diane’s parents were away for the weekend. The two had been dating for five whole weeks and they were ready.

So on Saturday night, José showed up, with no condom in his pocket, but with an idea of what was going to happen. And it did.

At age 17, Diane and José both lost their virginity. A few days later, they broke up. Diane’s mom found out what went down and laid down the law—no more José. He was crushed.

Indi Samarajiva

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"I thought sex would make our relationship stronger," says José, now 19 and a whole lot smarter. "But it didn’t work out that way. I really regret it."

For José, losing his virginity turned out to be a bad memory. What went wrong? Maybe it was the faulty connection between what he wanted—a good relationship—and how he tried to get it—sex. If you want a solid relationship, time, not sex, may be the key. (Five weeks can seem like an eternity, but when it comes to love, it’s not even close).

Looking for Love

Daisy, 15, tells a similar story. She had known the guy she lost her virginity with for one week.

"We never talked about having sex. We just did it," she says. "I had sex with him because I needed to feel love and I wasn’t getting any at home. Afterwards, he left me and went back out with his girlfriend. I really thought that he loved me. If I had it to do all over, I would have kept my virginity and waited until I was more sure about the relationship."

And then there’s Steve.

He was only 14 when his girlfriend, who was 13, said she wanted to have sex.

"She asked me over the phone after we had been dating for about two weeks. We talked about birth control and we agreed to use a condom," he remembers. "It was really freaky."

"Anyway, after the first time, she wanted to do it again, but I said no because the condom broke, so the whole pregnancy thing freaked me out," he adds. "We broke up a few months later and I ended up totally hating the girl. I didn’t regret having sex, but I regretted doing it with her. I should have waited and done a lot of things differently."

So does losing your virginity always lead to regrets? Probably not.

Take Manuel and Michelle.

They had been dating for about six weeks. They weren’t looking for love, but they liked each other and, after talking about it, discovered they were both curious about sex.

"We both agreed that we wanted to try sex," Manuel says, adding that they used condoms. "I wanted to try something new. It was fun and I felt good about the decision."

The two are still hanging, but they’re not talking long-term commitment.

All the Right Moves

Now check out Marie and Danny.

The two 18-year-olds had been together for two years before the idea of having sex even came up in any serious way. Even then, they talked about it for at least a month before it happened. They discussed what they both wanted from the relationship and decided it was commitment and love. They visited a family planning clinic and learned about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Marie got on the pill. Danny got condoms.

"We felt that we were both ready," says Marie. "We loved each other and I wanted to give him my virginity. It was great. We’re still together and we’re planning to get married."

So here’s another question: Will Manual and Michelle or Marie and Danny regret their decisions later—even though they feel cool about it now? It’s tough to tell. But one thing’s for sure. It’s important to take your time and explore a few key questions before taking the leap.

Why do you want to have sex? Is your partner the right one for you? What is your relationship about? How are you going to protect each other from pregnancy and disease? If you and your partner take the time to answer these way important questions, chances are you’ll be able to say, “No regrets.”

Your Comments

my first time..

Posted by: hb2011 on May 9th, 2010 12:35am

looking back, i feel like i gave in way too early. three
months into the relationship, i was already in love with my
boyfriend. i decided that i was "ready". now that i think
about it, i still think i was (and that i am) but i
definitely wish i would have waited a little while longer. a
few days after, i decided i didn't want to anymore, at all.
i was mad at myself. but now we're happier than ever, going
on 10 months and we have a really great relationship.

I regret it!

Posted by: april07 on Mar 7th, 2010 11:22am

I've had history with this boy I've liked and always had
feelings for, for about a year. We started things up again
this year and we were pretty serious for a month. Last year
he was my first kiss and I wanted him to be my first and
take my virginity. We'd plan to wait till I was 17 and
everything went so fast. I'd lost it to him a month into it,
and two days later he dumped me. He's already got another
girl. And I completely regret it 100%.

regret?

Posted by: taylor18 on Sep 30th, 2009 4:51pm

i kind of regret my first time bc it was 2 weeks into the
relationship,&it wasn't like planned. it just happened&i
hadn't even asked him if he wanted to. we talked about sex
before but not about us doing it. he said he wouldnt
pressure me into anythin i didn't want to do&i think thats
why i felt like i was ready bc i trusted him so much. i
regret the time but not who it was w. 2yrs later, we are
still together&love each other. i wouldnt change a thing bc
then we wouldnt be where we are now.

Sex

Posted by: Melanie on Jul 2nd, 2009 12:16am

Well ii've been qoin out w| my bf 4abt 6monthes & we love
each otha yet we knt cee each otha since my family dk Nd' r
very ova protect so ii want 2have sex since hiz birthday iz
dha 3rd buhh ii dnt think it'll happen......ii miss him a
lot & cry bcuz we love each otha so much buhh we knt cee
e|o.......we qot in trouble at prom 4maknqq out in dha stair
case Lmao plz help mee !

my story

Posted by: candychic5757 on Dec 7th, 2008 2:13am

I had sex for the first time at a young age. My boyfriend
and I had been dating about 8 or 9 months. We used a
condom, and are still happy about our choice. We don't
constantly have sex, but rather talk and build our
relationship. we've been together almost 2 years now, and
are still very happy together. I don't think it's a bad
choice as long as both people agree to it and are truly
ready, rather than just wanting to because everyone else is.

no regret {yet?}

Posted by: .lindsay. on Nov 22nd, 2008 1:11am

i lost my virginity to my bf whos 3 years older after only
dating for 3 months (a long time for me).it was perfect; i
was slightly worried thats all he wanted from me, but it
wasnt :). the only negative thing about it was one of my
'friends' i told was very rude about it and my mom doesnt
trust me anymore (im 14; she was 17 when she lost hers).
well, so far so good.. :)

yea

Posted by: ohhesahotie on Nov 11th, 2008 12:04am

I lost my virginity at 15.. i do not regret it, my boyfriend
and i have been together for almost 11 months and i love him
very much (i know that sounds cony and all but i really do
lovehim) and we used a condom and everything and im on bc,
so im not really worried. I honestly don't regret it at all.
i don't think that im that young, and if i was then why
would mine and his parents let us.

worth it

Posted by: jahde on Aug 19th, 2008 2:56am

I was terrified, but we spoke about it, and he never rushed
me into anything. He was very sweet and caring, I nearly
died from the pain but my boyfriend was there with me the
whole time and I have no regrets.

a testt

Posted by: itZaNAdudEz on Jul 30th, 2008 10:44pm

i had sex with my boyfriend de 3rd time we went on a date.
my boyfriend dusnt noe it but it wus a test. 4me 2see wether
after we had sex if he wus going 2stay with me or not. & he
did. &now dat im saying 4us 2stop having sex 2reduce my risk
of getting pregnate he respects it. & is willing 2wait till
im ready again& till i basically feel responsible. it`ll be
very hard 4da both of us to jus stop having sex. but its
sumthing we have 2do 2prevent things u noe. my advice 2oders
is just 2wait.

RE: Too Young?

Posted by: DanR on Jun 23rd, 2008 9:57am

There is no right or wrong age to start having sex. The
real question is: do you feel you are ready to have sex?
Keep in mind that there are a lot of mental, emotional and
physical risks that come along with making this decision.
Have you thought about if you would be comfortable doing
this at this point in your life? How will you protect
yourself against unwanted pregnancy or STDs? These are
things you need to consider. What does everyone else think?

The First Time: Any Regrets?

Looking for Love

All the Right Moves

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