Love at first sight: It’s in the movies you watch, the books you read, and even in the lives of people you know. In Jerry Maguire, there was that famous line: “You had me at hello.” 

But what actually is love at first sight, and does it really exist?

“Love at first sight is intense sexual attraction along with a desire for friendship immediately upon meeting someone,” explains Joe Fay, M.A., a sex education specialist in York, PA. “It’s enjoying another’s company and being energized by feelings.”

Derek, 17, from Edison, NJ, was definitely energized when he first saw a girl in his Princeton Review SAT class. 

“It was the first day of class, and this girl walked in, and with just one look into her eyes, I was so taken aback that I bombed my practice test. She smelled so good and looked so fine. I knew that she was the kind of person I’d like to be with in a relationship. I just don’t know how I knew all that with one look at her,” says Derek.

Megan, 16, of Gurnee, IL, also believes in love at first sight.   

“The very first time I laid my eyes on my boyfriend, I felt something. I thought, ’Hey, there could be a future here,’ even though we hadn’t even spoken yet. It was like I just knew. We’ve been together eight months now, and I know I’m in love with him.”

Other teens, though, are skeptical.

“I’m not going to look at some guy and just think that because he’s hot and friendly, that I’m in love with him!” says Gagan Chawla, 15, of Lawrence, NY.

“I don’t exactly believe in it, because, yes, when you look at someone, maybe you ’click,’ but that doesn’t mean it’s love at first sight—it means you’re attracted to her for some reason. But you really know nothing about her, and she can turn out to be someone completely different than you first thought,” adds Scott Lazaruk, 17, of Edison, NJ.

Fay has heard similar things from his students. 

“I’ve asked the question over the years and, on average, 20 to 30 percent of teens believe in love at first sight. The rest are skeptics who think, ’How can it be love when you don’t even know the person?’ ” says Fay.

Why are teens skeptical? Many find it hard to love someone without knowing the substance of his or her personality. Even though they want it to be so easy to be in love, they realize that love is a complicated thing.

So complicated, in fact, that there are many different types of love—including “romantic” love, which is full of extreme desire;  “empty” love, which is commitment without passion; and “companionate” love, which is deep attachment and affection after many years together. 

“Popular culture, especially the media, fixates on romantic love and presents it as the ultimate form of love. Yet romantic love is just the beginning of the journey, in addition to being the stage where people can make their biggest mistakes,” explains Fay. 

“The later stages, while not as intense, are usually deeper, more satisfying, and certainly more secure, because by then you know the other person much better. It takes time, however, to reach these later stages.”

Love at first sight can be the beginning of an exploration of all the different types of love. But it can be risky, too. It’s easy to confuse love with sexual attraction (lust), especially in the beginning of a relationship. Many teens, especially girls, believe that love should justify their sexual activities, too, according to Fay.

“This leads them to rush into intercourse before they know their partner well enough, long before there is any intimacy or communication about sex, contraception, boundaries, or how intercourse will affect their relationship,” he says.

So, does love at first sight really exist?

“I can’t say it doesn’t exist because I’ve spent so much time with many people who say they’ve experienced it firsthand,” Fay explains. But he says he believes what author and sex educator Sol Gordon, believes: “Love at first sight? Take another look!”

“If it really is love, there is no need to rush to intimacy, sex, or anything else. In fact, taking it slowly will make everything even better, because then the couple can savor every precious moment. 

“Taking things slowly is also a good way to weed out players who are only trying to use you. Here’s a good rule: If you’re not sure, you’re not ready,” says Fay. 

Just ask Catherine Shelton, 16, of River Ridge, LA. 

“Love at first sight has always turned out to be a big disappointment for me. It usually doesn’t work out that the feeling is mutual. And I’ve also found that the greatest love is discovered over time.”

And remember Derek and the girl from his Princeton Review class? 

“We became mad tight, as friends, but she didn’t want anything,” he says. “She wasn’t digging me that way, so I just picked up my bags and moved on to new and better things.”