Originally Published: Aug 29, 2008
Revised: Sep 26, 2008
When 20-year-old Deacon, of Hamilton, NJ, started dating his girlfriend, she thought he was a virgin.
“When I told her I lost my virginity to the girl she called ‘the school slut,’ it really put a strain on our relationship. When it came time for us to have sex, she was extremely uncomfortable,” he says.
Letting your partner know you’re not a virgin can be one of the hardest conversations you have in your relationship. Your partner may have assumed you were a virgin or may become jealous once he or she finds out you had sex with an ex. Either way, you must remember honesty is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Although it may seem almost impossible to have this conversation with your partner, there are some things that may help.
Deacon’s talk with his girlfriend helped their relationship.
“Although my girlfriend was a little unsure of us once she found out I wasn’t a virgin, it has made us a lot closer. Looking back, I am glad I told her the truth before she heard it from someone else. It is almost three years later, and we’re still together,” he says.
Remember that whether you’re a virgin or not, the only 100-percent effective way to avoid an unplanned pregnancy and STDs is to not have oral, vaginal or anal sex.
help
Posted by: tatibabyxx3 on Nov 24th, 2010 3:01pm
the boy i want to date is a virgin but im not. do you think
iit will be weird for him ? cause we both want to wait but
when the time comes will he be weirded out that he's not my
first?
RE: . . .
Posted by: DanR on Mar 24th, 2009 1:36pm
I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. What that
boy did to you is rape and it is illegal. Once a person says
no, then the other person has a legal obligation to stop.
Have you talked to anyone like a parent/guardian, teacher,
or counselor? If there is someone you can trust, I think
talking to them would be a good start. You can also call the
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network at 1-800-656-HOPE.
You did not do anything wrong, so please don't feel that you
did. Hang in there!
. . .
Posted by: ToasterLove on Mar 16th, 2009 3:11pm
when i went on holiday last summer i was 15 i ended up
having sex for the first time with this boy i didnt even no.
i dont even no his last name.i didnt really want to do but
he wanted to i did actually say no. but he did and anyway. i
didnt even feel any pleasure to be fair and made him pull
out cs we wer on a corridor in a hotel not a nice place. i
avnt ad sex since but ave done other things. ppl think im a
slut. and now all this lad associates me with is sex n i dnt
want that how can i change
RE: help
Posted by: SexExpert1 on Nov 29th, 2010 9:03am
Different people will react differently if they are a virgin
and their partner is not. For some it may be no big deal,
for others they may have a harder time with it. But you
should not feel ashamed, there is nothing wrong with having
had sex, and it is great that you want to be honest with
your partner, that's very important. A partner who cares
about you will mostly likely appreciate your honesty and
will understand that this trust will only strengthen your
relationship. Good luck!