He was 17. She was 15. They were only separated by two years, but Genarlow Wilson ended up in jail with a 10-year prison sentence for “aggravated child molestation” after receiving consensual oral sex from the 15-year-old girl. Why? In Georgia, it was considered a felony for teenagers under 16 to engage in oral sex. Despite the “victim’s” admission that she agreed to and initiated oral sex on Wilson, he was convicted, sentenced and imprisoned.

In October of 2007, after serving two years of his sentence, Wilson was released after the Georgia State Supreme Court ruled that his sentence was “grossly disproportionate” to his crime. His case is not the only one of its kind as many other teenagers have found themselves standing in front of a jury for engaging in consensual sex—sex where each person agrees to have it. Their “crime”: having sex with someone who the law says is not old enough to agree to have sex.

Photo Courtesy of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution Genarlow Wilson

What the Law Says

Consent refers to the agreement between people who choose to engage in certain activities together. Sexually, this could mean agreeing to kiss, to use a condom, to perform oral sex or to have sexual intercourse. In the eyes of the law, teenagers of certain ages cannot consent or agree to sex until they reach a specific age, which is called the “age of consent.”

Each state in America has different age limits and restrictions about the age of consent. Depending on where you live, you may be able to consent to sex at the age of 16; while in other states, you may not be able to until you turn 18. In some states, these ages may also differ depending on your sexual orientation and the type of sex act—vaginal, oral or anal. And to make it even more confusing, many states have an age gap provision, which means teenagers under the age of consent can engage in consensual sex with another teen as long as they fall within a certain age range—usually two to four years apart.

These laws are meant to protect children and minors from being forced or manipulated into sex by adults, but innocent teens like Wilson can end up being convicted and prosecuted as sex offenders. If you want to avoid being on the wrong side of the law, take some time to get familiar with the age of consent laws in your state.

Not Just “Yes” or “No”

While each state’s laws determine the “age of consent,” you have to know what consent is or isn’t when you’re with a partner. Consent is about being comfortable with you, your actions, your partner and your partner’s actions.

You can give verbal consent by saying “yes” to sexual activities, whether it be kissing, intercourse or the use of a condom. However, a simple “yes” is not enough. You and your partner have to discuss other important issues, like using condoms or other latex barriers, going on birth control and talking about what you are or aren’t comfortable doing.

While verbal consent is the clearest way to communicate, in the heat of the moment, partners may not take the time to give verbal consent. Two people can begin to actively, physically participate in sex, which is called physical or implied consent. But before you assume your partner is consenting to kissing or more, ask your partner what’s OK and what’s not.

While you may know what consent is, you also need to know what consent is not. Shoving away, kicking or other forms of physical resistance are not consent. Consent is not an exasperated “yes” after hours, days, weeks or years of pressure. Silence is never consent. And when something doesn’t feel right, say “no” or give your partner space when he or she needs it.

We all have the right to feel safe, and part of creating a safe space in your relationships now and in the future is about having respect for your body, your needs, your desires and those of your partner. Not only is this empowering, but it also builds relationships based on trust, honesty and respect. And isn’t that what we all want in the end?

And when it comes to consent, remember that you not only need to keep you and your partner’s comfort and wishes in mind, but also the law. No one should end up in jail for consensual sex like Genarlow Wilson. So know the age of consent in your state and talk with your partner about it.