When Jimmy and Anna* first met in February 2003, Jimmy was 22 and Anna was 19. They had been dating for only about one month when Anna found out she was pregnant.

“I chose to continue with my pregnancy, because I had a strong support system between my family, Jimmy’s family and our friends,” says Anna, 20, of Lakewood, NJ. In that first month, everything felt new and great, but things would change once the looming pressures of parenthood started to bear down on the couple.

“Everything was wonderful, too good to be true,” Anna remembers.

Photo by Dan Strange

Before she got pregnant, Anna and Jimmy were in college and Jimmy was also working full-time, making good money. When Anna found out she was pregnant, her parents let Jimmy move in with them. Shortly after, the couple became engaged.

Anger, Jealousy & Violence

Then things started to go bad. Anna took off a semester from school and found herself working to save money for the arrival of the new baby. Jimmy continued working, but decided to quit college.

As Anna’s stomach grew bigger and bigger, her tolerance for everyday events became smaller and smaller. “Throughout the entire pregnancy I was so emotional, so the smallest thing would make me cry,” remembers Anna.

That put a huge strain on the relationship.

Around four months into the pregnancy, Jimmy accused Anna of checking out one of his friends. They started to fight continuously over jealousy and control issues, until one day it escalated into violence. During the eighth month of the pregnancy, Jimmy did the unthinkable and backhanded Anna in the face, giving her a black eye and a bloody lip. The argument was over whether they would go to a football game.

Unwilling to admit the relationship wasn’t working and afraid to continue the pregnancy alone, Anna ignored the abuse and tried to make it work. But things kept getting worse. When she reached her ninth month of pregnancy, Jimmy lost his job. Anna had terrible back and stomach pains, and she had trouble sleeping at night. The stress kept building.

Then it happened.

On December 25, 2003, Christmas Day, Nathan was born. As friends and family gathered around the windows of the hospital’s nursery, Jimmy held his son, while Anna recuperated from the Caesarian section surgery.

Because of an infection that developed after giving birth to Nathan, Anna stayed in the hospital for a couple of extra days, and Jimmy stuck by her side, sleeping in the cot next to her hospital bed. The birth of Nathan was joyous and both Anna and Jimmy had their families there to celebrate.

No Joy

Then reality hit again. Once they were all home together—Mom, Dad and baby—the arguments started again.

“We argued about who was going to do what and when,” Anna says. “Who was going to stay up with the baby, how to dress him when we went out and what other people suggested to us about raising Nate. We were exhausted of each other, because we both weren’t working and were together 24/7. We didn’t sleep in the same bed and rarely had sex, because we were either too tired or we were arguing.”

Jimmy became increasingly depressed, gained a lot of weight and became more controlling and verbally abusive. One night, their arguing got out of control and Jimmy attacked Anna, leaving numerous bruises on her arms and legs.

After a short courtroom appearance, Jimmy and Anna agreed to a civil restraining order and to live separately. Jimmy forfeited all of his parental rights, and Anna forfeited any child support.

Looking back on her relationship with Jimmy, Anna says she realizes now that the relationship was unhealthy and immature.

“If I had it to do all over, I would have liked to get to know my partner for about four or five years before having a child with him,” Anna says. “But I can’t say I regret having Nate, and I have no problem being a single mom, because since I’ve had him, he makes my life feel rich.”

*The teens’ names have been changed to protect their privacy.